Well Well...

Got access to this blog again after only like, 40 years...

I'd kinda like to apologize for all the crappy posts I made... E. Coli. Oh boy. There's only so much humor you can get from that subject. Meaning, zero.

In other news, I have a different blog now. monodreams.blogspot.com. Check it out.

Tribal Dating

I got this new game and it’s called Tribal Trouble and what you do is make warriors and try to defeat the other tribe.
Avaliable for purchase at http://www.garagegames.com/products/77/
But there was this funny thing that happened involving two online players, Xena and Guest2459. Whenever a person goes online in this game and they are not registered their name is Guest followed by a four digit number. So I made a game and there is a chat thing for the people who are waiting for the game to start and this is basically what happened. My name is zimbobway btw. I will omit other people who were talking.
Guest2459: Xena
Xena: what
Guest2459: Xena i like u
Guest2459: well love
(these people do not know eachother in real life.)
Xena: are u a girl
Guest2459: will you be my gf
Guest2459: I’m a boy
Xena: I’m a boy
zimbobway: hmm.
Guest2459: oh
Guest2459: I thought you were a girl because of your name.
Xena: well I’m a boy
zimbobway: Can you please click the ready button so we can start?
Guest2459: do you have a sister?
Xena: yeah
Xena: she’s 13
Xena: and I’m 12
Guest2459: I’m 13 too
zimbobway: This is not a dating place.
Guest2459: I need a new gf
zimbobway: I’m going to kick you if you don’t click the button
Xena: kick him
zimbobway: a’ight.
Guest2459 has left the game

So the moral of the story is don’t treat an online game where tribesmen kill each other to dominate the island as a dating service.

2.0

Blogger 2.0: This be the reason I has not been posting. They want you to use your google account well guess what I don’t have one but I do now. Maybe people remember the post in which I nearly escaped the Corpse Bride movie poster fungus? Well google is becoming more and more like that. First they devour youtube an in the time it takes for google to say “pass the salt I need salt on all the websites I’m gonna eat” they eat blogger too.

iPod 2.0: The iPhone! It has an iPod, a Phone (didn’t see that coming), wireless internet, a camera, 3.5 inch screen, pocket knife, flashlight, sleeping bag, and a water bottle but those things are compressed into a singularity in order to save space. I also think if you download the new software you can use the iPhone to create natural disasters.

Name 2.0: I changed my name! After discovering that thepizzaguy/thepizzaman is not uncommon, I changed it to Johnny Pieguy but my real name is not John. I wonder if I have to use a different restroom or change classes at school now.

Music Library 2.0: I have new music from Weird Al and this one band called AudioBody. It is not Audioslave, I heard their music and can’t figure out why they’re popular. But that is a matter of opinion.My favorite song Clock Tower is by them so see their site at audiobody.com now.

BoWD 2.0: More like 5.0. I kinda want to read some depressing history books because that is the opposite of Because of Winn-Dixie. Ggghgh. I don’t want to hear that sequence of words after having the book read to me, listening to it on audiotape, reading the book myself, doing studies on it at school, and watching the movie. I did not choose to do any of these things (#s 1,3, and 4 are school caused, 2 and 5 were with my family), but I didn’t feel like resisting. I need to watch it in hologram next. So I’m now doing an air raid skit based on this!

The city of Naomi Florida I guess wanted to bomb us for no reason, because this morning there were these planes that came screaming over our house. One dropped a sentimentiary weapon on us so I had to get out of the house before I became too nostalgic. Then a helicopter equipped with an M134 minigun modified to shoot Littmus Lozenges comes and started firing at me and I took shelter under a tree.
“Oh no it’s sweet and sad at once!” I said.
Then came Otis leading Naomi’s 6th infantry which consisted primarily of animals and they wrecked up the place.

And you know what! I’m not doing anything about Ithaca. I’m sorry, I have given up trying to remember stuff.

Oh my gosh golly goo gah this is the best post of '07!!

So bored... Well our ski resort is open again. I’ve tried a few new trails. yay. Thought I should mention that.
Presents
1. It is a game of trade. A game of warfare. A game of extortion, bribery and threats. Sounds serious? It is... Killer Bunnies and the Quest for the Magic Carrot! It is one of the most complicated games ever: 6 12 sided die, 165 cards, and some smaller cards labeled cabbage, carrots, and water. And that’s just with blue and yellow decks. There are nine others each with 55 extra cards. The violet booster deck contains a card calle “Chocolate-Covered Anti-Matter Raisins”. What is that? The red one has “Quite Irascible Diffractible Cheese Balls” In the very later ones, the day and month that you are playing the game on matters. Yes, it’s complicated.

2.It is a game of crates. It is a game of planning. A game of thinking, tipping, and crates. Tip over crate game! It’s made by the same people who made Rush Hour. There’s a red guy and he needs to tip over crates to get to the red crate. He can’t touch the floor because he is allergic to floors. He can’t jump because his feet are glued together. So who knows how he got into a warehouse.

3. iPod nano whoo. Now I can listen to music everywhere!You all know what iPod nanos are.

4. The End. It’s the last book in the series of unfortunate events. I have not read it yet because I need to read the Penultimate Peril before understanding what happens which I just did. Some of Mr. Snicket’s analogies irritate me. “Choosing the right thing to say is like choosing the right ingredient in a sandwich.” Stop.

5. A pocket knife. Pocket knives are useful. This one has an LED and a compass.

6. Some new shoes which is good because my old shoes were falling apart. They’re brow and sorta fancy looking and sprayed with Silicone.

7. Some candy.

Obituaries

1. The name’s Brown... James Brown. Oh noes that’s too bad he died on the 24th. Not feeling so good like you knew you would now, eh? It was the man’s world... or something. R.I.P.

2. The name’s Hussein... wait that doesn’t work. I am indifferent on this.

Emo time.

There’s a lot of things I have to get off my chest, I need to talk to people, I really need to talk I just really need to talk I just need... to talk. Number 9... Number 9... Number 9... Number 9 sorry. So if you could read this, that’d be great. Lately things have been really difficult. I’m just tired of being The Pizza Guy! My name is not The Pizza Guy, it is Cheese Pizza Guy w/ peppers the fourth. And this is really hard, I don’t usually talk to people, but you have no clue who I am! I could be a mobster in my spare time and now I’m going to stop sounding like a sleazebag talking about myself. This was another parody of this video minus the starving african children.

Ithaca? Oh, yeah. There was this jiant turtle made of rocks (terraforming project) and it had plants but you can’t see it on Google Earth so don’t try. There were also these building that on New Years Eve lit up certain windows to spell the last two digits of the next year. Also cool.

DOUBLE-YOU EMM DEES

Well if you guys are not truly devout to my blog (traitors) you have probably seen other big blogs like Eschaton and the poor man and Corrente launching a halfhearted war against eachother by posting music videos on their sites and then saying “we took out this army with this” and then a guy sings an 80s song. If it hasn’t ended yet: welcome to the world of WMDs. Yes, I am ashamed to post this link on my blog and shall only advertise wholesome things like eepybird (those guys who made the coke & mentos fountain) and homestar runner from now on. Click on this link if you dare:. (It’s the period.) gosh, won't be doing that again. Alright, if Eschaton is Saudi Arabia, and the poor man is Lebanon or something, and Corrente is Afghanistan and Talking points memo is Iraq, and... Fafblog... is Madagascar... then this site is Iran as far as weaponry is concerned, and assuming that Iran does have nukes. I was informed by Knox's Korner Download Knoxkast episode 25. They are taking action by spamming the forums. Sign up as a user on thou shall not be named’s site as somthing along the lines of brooker sucks because she does.

When I tried to add some stuff about Ithaca on my past post it didn’t work so here it is now. In Ithaca we went to a store like a supermarket (able to jump other buildings in a single bound!) and there was a calendar and it had pigs on it! There was, like, replicas of paintings and still life and there was this one with a pig in a spiderman costume for December and it was cute and creative and cool. The three Cs.

Clay Fast Food 1:2 scale.

I ordered some snacks. McDonalds should switch to clay for higher quality ingredients.

(It's a cheeseburger). Pretend the things on the top are sesame seeds not rice.

Fries w/ ketchup packet.

In Ithaca we went to a store like a supermarket(able to jump other buildings in a single bound!) and there was a calendar and it had pigs on it! There was, like, replicas of paintings and still life and there was this one with a pig in a spiderman costume for December and it was cute and creative and cool. The three Cs.

A-maized and Corn-fused.

Do you like corn? I like corn. Corn is cool. Corn corn corn corn corn. I like butter with corn. Corn comes in varieties. On the cob, off the cob, as paste. You an on the cob person or an off the cob person? I personally like corn on the cob. Makes for more even butterings, although you go through napkins faster. Yeah corn on and off both have their good sides. Corn is grown in huge crops that can be seen from other planets. Speaking of other planets, circles appear in corn crops sometimes, supposedly aliens landing in the corn. Complete load. Corn is a huge export to many countries so that they may corn out on corn and probably fetches huge bucks. Corn is made into popcorn by corn tycoons such as Orville Redenbacher and the people from ACT II who must get big supplements of corn. Corn is even being made into a corn fuel for corn cars. Corn is the future of corn. I mean Earth. Corn.

In Ithaca I think I drove past a cornfield or two on the way to the cabin. The cabin was nice and big and we all went tromping in the leaves. Behind the cabin I found two shovels and I whacked trees with them. There was also pizza being cooked and it was good. It probably had corn in it.

Celebrity Worship

I’ve always wondered what this phrase meant. We don’t go to mass to sing hymns for Tom Cruise. He’s just in a bunch of flashy tabloids. You all know what I have to do to make fun of this... flip it! (you’ll see what I mean) Headlines:
Zeus splits up with Hera! Aphrodite drops cupid on his head! (She is bad at parenting). Quetzalcoatlicue wedding! (That’s a combo of Quetzalcoatl and coatlicue, like tomkat or bennifer) “Inti tried to save my son,” says Omecihuatl. Ares walks in on Athena!
Taken from the cover of the nonexistent magazine Deity today.
If you spend your time researching gods like some weirdy weird weirdo person you’ll notice that I only did Greek, Roman, Aztec and Incan gods. There are a couple thousand gods at godchecker.com.
You may find the names of several Aztec gods if you spill a Scrabble box on the ground and stick the word coat somewhere. I bet in a thousand years people in the future are gonna be like “Aztec civilization carried on with towns named after gods such as Albe..quer...que and Schenectady until they died out from straining their jaw muscles trying to pronounce their own damn name.”

At the cabin which wasn’t in Ithaca but in Pennsylvania there was a tree drilling operation going on. And it wasn’t just a bucket hanging on a nail! No, it was a whole series of tubes from tree to tree and there was no one around. My how the human race has made vast technology for syrup production. But you know, maybe we aren’t concentrating enough on orange juice(no pun intended) or the cooking of toast. Or maybe we’re wasting our time on BREAKFAST EXTRAVAGANCE and not spending time on things that people ACTUALLY CARE ABOUT!!!!! Also, why do americans think they can make maple syrup? They challenging Canada’s skill? Oh, it’s on.

The boxochox conspiracy thing.

Another email check, this time real, guess what I got:

1) New York City has 11 letters
2) Afghanistan has 11 letters
3) Ramsin Yuseb (The terrorist who threatened to destroy the Twin Towers in
1993) has 11 letters.
4) George W Bush has 11 letters.
This could be a mere coincidence, but this gets more interesting:
1) New York is the 11th state.
2) The first plane crashing against the Twin Towers was flight number 11.
3) Flight 11 was carrying 92 passengers. 9 + 2 = 11
4) Flight 77 which also hit Twin Towers, was carrying 65 passengers. 6+5 =
11
5) The tragedy was on September 11, or 9/11 as it is now known. 9 + 1 + 1 =
11
6) The date is equal to the US emergency services telephone number911. 9 + 1
+ 1 = 11
Sheer coincidence..?! Read on and make up your own mind:
1) The total number of victims inside all the hi-jacked planes was 254. 2 +
5 + 4 = 11.
2) September 11 is day number 254 of the calendar year. Again 2 + 5 + 4 =
11.
3) The Madridbombing took place on 3/11/2004. 3 + 1 + 1 + 2 + 4 = 11.
4) The tragedy of Madrid happened 911 days after the Twin Towers incident.

Now this is where things get totally eerie:

The most recognized symbol for the US, after the Stars & Stripes, is the
Eagle. The following verse is taken from the Quran, the Islamic holy book:

"For it is written that a son of Arabia would awaken a fearsome
Eagle. The wrath of the Eagle would be felt throughout the lands of
Allah while some of the people trembled in despair still more
rejoiced: for the wrath of the Eagle cleansed the lands of Allah
and there was peace."
That verse is number 9.11 of the Quran.  Unconvinced about all of this
still?
Try this and see how you feel afterwards, it made my hair stand on end:
Open Microsoft Word and do the following:
1. Type in capitals Q33 NY. This is the flight number of the first plane to
hit one of the Twin Towers
2. Highlight the Q33 NY.
3. Change the font size to 48.
4. Change the actual font to the WINGDINGS
What do you think now?!!

Now about the last thing, Q33 NY does not exist. and snopes said that to disprove this, World Trade Center, Washington, and the White House do not have 11 letters(although they all start with W), and “we try to create patters where there is chaos.” You can also manipulate this:

Date of the attack: 11/9; 11 - 9 = 2 
Date of the attack: September 11 = 1 + 1 = 2 
Year of the attack: 2001 = 2 + (0*0*1) = 2 + 0 = 2 
September 11th is the 254th day of the year: 2 + 5 + 4 = 11 = 1 + 1 = 2 
Telephone country code for Afghanistan: 93   9 * 3 = 27; 93 - 27 = 56 = 5 + 6 = 11 = 1 + 1 = 2 
World Trade Center: 2 towers 
World Trade Center attacked by: 2 airplanes 
Each airplane: 2 wings 
The first plane to hit the towers was Flight 11: 1 + 1 = 2 
New York = 2 words 
The Pentagon = 2 words 
Ramzi Yousef = 2 words

This blog has something weird, too:
Chocolate has 9 letters
Five Alive has 9 letters
Rock opera has 9 letters
plane trip has 9 letters
paintball has 9 letters
Evolution has 9 letters
50 caliber has 9 alphanumeric characters
Abridged Ithaca Trip has 18 letters, 1+8=9
Blog age = 14 months 1+4 = 5
Blog posts = 126 posts 1+2+6 = 9
Also: 126/14 = 9.
Blog started in september (9th month)
TPG & Shmebb have 9 letters together
Instead of bottom 10 I have bottom 9.
Blog started on 265th day of year(Exactly 100 days from end). 2 from 6 plus 5 = 9

Now go into your text editor and type “CAESAR”
change the size to 48
change the font to webdings
What do you think now?

“I’m thinkin there’s construction going on in a city and there’s a stadium in the desert and they’re building railroads.”

Fine.

In ithaca I read a special effects book and it told how, like, that scene in true lies(you know the scene I'm talking about) the bridge was miniature, but it still looked cool, and then creating the pirate ship battles that we see in movies sometimes, And making wind and rain and waves and run-on sentences.

Rock opera

Checking my email, I got this:

The Pizza Guy,
I think it’s high time you composed a rock opera. You simply owe it to society. What should it be about?
That’s up to you.
Best wishes,
Anonymous Contributor

Gambier, OH.

(And then I make fun of his name)

OK, back on task. To tell you the truth, you guys have already heard mosta my rock opera. I've been composing it over the last year. It's simply entitled "CHOCOLATE!” And the lyrics consist of one word from each of Shmebb’s and my 125 posts! Now, it may not make a whole lotta sense but when have I ever backed down from a bad idea, right? Now let's get this train wreck a-rollin'!

(Drums, electric piano) I sliced doughnut gas for the important elements problem. Wizard ninjas building Iraq pidgeons turkey sugar are delivered internet binoculars. Puzzle seemed squishy ordinary bounce anvil tanks wasps DUH!!!!!! (Remove piano, add in electric guitar) Garlic planning telekinetic pirates, Ottawa beach cascades toilet cookie sandwiches. (Soft piano melody) Emerald magazine is disgusting whiner correct! Frank counting bedroom thought nachos mermaid weapon. (sad sticatto piano) Ducky swimming forklift crobar sleep on robot babble. Tornado grenade rabbit drug charcoal resistance. (Techno) liquid qualifies anything figure chlorine robin firewood millions million trillion house monster iPod cola. (Slow electric guitar) Eggplant caviar FZZZZT books laser had publishing muscle, smoking gasoline likes juice lazy tokens battle snipe! Addictive airport seismogram chewed biology marijuana chicken hosted marriage. (Add synth, speed up tempo) Fooled party! Ambassador trigger mileage CO2 shop umbrella THORAZINE things. Fit this humor balloons, (nix guitar) spinning hummingbird cake tomato rolled... CHOCOLATE!

Bravo! Encore! Encore! Ándale! Ándale! Arriba! Arriba! {typing} Thank you! Thank you! Yes, the rave reviews are already pouring in. Not really...

By the way, I copied this.
I also noticed I could have typed cookie, toilet, liquid, and chlorine several times.

Now for Ithaca: we played a game called Whoonu where you guess what people like and they unbiasley rank your guess. There were thing like "staying up late" and "ice cream sundaes" Who doesn't like those, right? It was made by Cranium who I guess were tired of doing the same old game to death over and over.

Abridged Ithaca Trip

Okay I promised in mid-october that I would tell you about my trip to Ithaca, NY. So I’m going to now. All right? good.
First we went to spokane, then we flew to phoenix (I can spell!*), Then we flew to Philadelphia(I can spell again!) and THEN to Ithaca. Exciting. Well I can’t remember all of it, so I will say things that I do.
My cousin had this 20 questions thing that you could play against and it would get whatever you were thinking of right most of the time.
We went to this cabin and it had a taxidermied black bear in it.
I rolled a big rock down a hill.
I am sorry I can’t remember anything more! I also don’t see any parodies I can make or anything! The trip was good but I just don’t remember it! Tell you what, I will post something short about this trip at the end of every blog post for a while.

*Words to study:
Alberqueque(?)
Murfreesboro
Schenectady

Tribute to second post

Filling the quota of one post a month, I quickly wrote this song, parody of Fruit Salad by the wiggles:

Caesar salad
yummy yummy
Caesar salad
yummy yummy
Caesar salad
yummy yummy
yummy yummy in your tummy Caesar salad

Let’s make a Caesar salad right now
Don’t worry I’ll show you how
This salad will bring in a crowd
Julius and Agustus would be proud

The first step, start with romaine lettuce.
The second step, mix the parmesan.
The third step, add lemon juice, egg yolk,
olive oil and put black pepper on.

For some pizzaz, add these ingredients:
Worcester sauce, crutons, or bacon bits,
Avocado, tomato, garlic or chicken,
With something this good it’s your plate you’ll be lickin’.

The first step, eat up the whole salad
i’m not kidding, that’s how you eat a caesar

You really thought there was more, well there isn’t
But if you want, I’ll give you a teaser

Now weve eaten a caesar and I’ll bet you’re hooked,
Well top it with ranch dressing and then you’ve booked
all your time for eating this cuisine,
You’re a salad eating machine,

Caesar salad
yummy yummy
Caesar salad
yummy yummy
Caesar salad
yummy yummy
yummy yummy in your tummy Caesar salad

Caesar salad
yummy yummy
Caesar salad
yummy yummy
Caesar salad
yummy yummy
yummy yummy in your tummy Caesar salad

Caesar salad
yummy yummy
Caesar salad
yummy yummy
Caesar salad
yummy yummy
yummy yummy in your tummy Caesar salad
Caesar salad!

1 YEAR ANNIVERSARY!!!

Wow! Historical moment! New Holiday! Must I go on? Well, we’ve done about one post every three days, on average, which is what I’m aiming for. That rate will probably drop this year. I made this blog a cake and it said I could have it. So it’s gone now.
I went gliding last sunday. You didn’t. And my blog had a one year anniversary. Yours didn’t. Work harder.

Part 4: Monday! MONDAY! Mondayyy...

I got on another plane and this time I was flying with some humming bird! yay!
I felt safe. Then I watched Countdown To Ground Zero, which is not the most calming thing to watch on plane, but because, you know, we had a hummingbird painted on our rudder, it was okay. And I ate chinese food. And now I’m stopping.
linky!

Part 3: The light at the end of the tunnel system.

This is part 3. I traveled to the magical land of DC. I can’t remember exactly how I got there. Anyway Bethesdians came and greeted me when I got out of the car and- oh look! We ran over the wicked witch of the east who for some reason was hanging around the Northwest corner.
“You didn’t run over anyone,” said my sister.
That explaines how these ruby shoes which aren’t actually ruby but are still painful got on my feet. Suddenly the Good Witch of the North came out and she definitely wasn’t my grandmother. Nope.
“Hello, guys! come on inside,” she said. I think.
“I’m not a wizard at all.”
“I didn’t ask if you were.”
“So I go to the the Red Line subway to find the wizard of DC? ok, can do,” I said.
The next day I was going took the subway to the smithsonian... area.. place, and I came to a transfer station.
“Follow, follow, follow, follow, follow the Red Line subway, lalalala-which way do I go? I don’t know!”
“We’re taking the yellow line to the Mall,” said my dad.
“Woah! Did you just talk to me?”
“Yes...”
“Wow! A talking ticket dispenser!”
“I’m your dad.”
“Do you want to join me on my quest to visit the wizard of DC?
“You mean to the Mall?
“Ok, great! You can come along and get your new microchip, and I can get home.”
So I’m walking to the Mall when an empty cup on the ground is asking for a drink. So I spit it it and it thanks me.
“Why are you talking to an empty cup?”
“So you need a curly straw because every other cup you know has a curly straw and you don’t wanna feel left out? Well, I’m sure the Wizard can give you one. We’re going to the White House to visit him.”
“We’re going to the Natural History museum, not the White House.”
So we go to the Natural History museum And we’re saying the same thing over and over about lions and tigers and fish, oh my when a gazelle jumps out at us! And I tell it to stop when it starts crying and says “Sorry, I’m not really animated. I really do need a cardiovascular system. Do you know what It’s like being a mannequin?”
“No, I don’t believe I do.”
“It’s terrible. Can you do anything?”
“No but the Wizard can. We’re visiting him.”
“Thanks.”
But the evil witch lady is watching with a powerful telescope from Science and Technology Museum! And she sends her flying... planes... to get us. And were unconscious from heat sroke perhaps. When I wake up I’m in a flight simmilator! Oh noes!
“I’m gonna spin you around!” says evil witch lady.
“Why? What is this acheiving?”
“I don’t know, l just like spinning people around!”
“Wait a secwhaaaaaa! wheeelalalalalalaohyayIshotatankaaaaa...”
The flight simmilator skims the ground and brakes and the witch is impaled with a peice of metal. I’m not. Then me and my and my new freinds go to some restaurant.
“Hey we never got our stuff,” says the drinking cup.
“You guys had that stuff all along.”
“Oh, ok.”
Coming up next on... Sunday!, sunday, SUNNDAY.
Part FOUR of the extreme miniseries of the trip to the coast! THRILL as we sit in a plane for several hours with no snakes or guns at ALLLLLL. Watch in horror as we make another stop at Denver, and I eat CHINESE FOOD. Stay behind after the blog post for a link to a video about COKE AND MENTOOOOS. Whoooocokenmentos!!

Eagles Mere, the town that everybody who isn’t living in it forgot.

We followed my uncle Brett in our PT cruiser but quickly lost him because he did not check if we were behind him. Turns out, he was D.W.C (driving with a cellphone) and got in a call with some odd person. We got to Eagles Mere(a town) anyway. Forgot to mention this was for my grandfather’s 80th birthday. Then when we got to the house granddad was there and this was supposed to be a surprise but we were told to be there. So we went down to the beach and my aunt told us to tell all our other relatives that we had not seen him but they had been told to say they had and I think they did so they were all “he wasn’t there?” and we said “yeah.” and of course granddad found out that everybody was here in Eagles Mere which was the surprise so granddad was told to act like it was a surprise so both sides were acting! There was no audience! It was stupid but everyone was okay with it.
Fast forward, lalala, ok. I can’t really remember what happened next. I think we went to a fundraiser for the fire department. all I did was play this penny toss game where you had to throw a penny onto a board of numbers and they gave you the amount of pennies equal to the number that you landed your penny on. And it can’t touch more than one number, too. Forgot that. Once I almost got the center 15 but it wasn’t entirely on. My cousin Andrew was good at it, though. He started out with 25 cents and got over a dollar. whooooooooo yeah forget lotto I’m playing this.
The next event I’m gonna tell you because my brain can’t put stuff in chronalojikal order is sunfishing. Maybe that’s what the sport is called. It’s where you go on sunfishes and try to shoot eachother with paint pellets out of a C02 powered gun called a marker. Except that second part is not done often. Although naval paintball would be awesome, we didn’t have any markers. So we just went sunfishin. I saw a guy who capsized and I was rodl(rolling on the deck laughing). later that week I went canoeing. Yeah.
Next Event: Water War Wone(one)! It was Me an’ Andrew vs. Colin an’ Thomas. It was the Penultimate Showdown. Second to this. Andrew, being the guy who will grab any opportunity wheathor or not it is fair, gave them the deck in the backyard because ‘It’s high up”. And it was, but since they could not go in the house, there was only one way from deck to ground besides jumping. He was also gonna make it three hit lethality since we were playing w/ water balloons and he got hit several times (once in the head) but he kept on fighting. Also we had a sling made of surgical tubing. It didn’t really work at short range, though. We don’t know who really won.
I know this came last because it just did. This time we went to some golf place and got our picture taken with the entire family. Then there was a celebratory dinner. And I had probably a quart of rootbeer. Yay me. And some other stuff. chicken or sumpin. To continue the games, Andrew, Colin and I got straws and had spitball fights. Shotguns came soon(Multiple spitballs). I wanted to make a tommy gun, but that meant too many straws. Mleh.
Maybe this came last. There was all these canoes with sets and people would act out things on the canoes and It mostly revolved around the group of no parking signs that were put up around the beach. And that really ticked people off. I guess.
There were some other minor things that I did but you won’t hear about them. Next is Part 3. Surprise! Part 3: The light at the end of the tunnel system.

Part 1: Mile High Cities and Terror Levels.

I traveled the world! Of North America. Inside the U.S. Yeah. So I went to Spokane and stayed at the Travelodge and I watched the Titanic. It was just stitting in our room so i decided to look at it for 2 hours.. No. It was on T.V. and our T.V. got crushed. No, again. The MOVIE was being brodcast on HBO or something. Enough with Travelodge. The next day, we parked our car in long-term parking and went to the airport, and there was this new requirement at security check! NO leequeeds. Hmm, odd. Anyway, Oops, I packed a knife and forgot, so we had to check my bag. $#*&!
I never ended up using it, that’s why I’m angry.
After about an hour we got on to a ƒ®Ωπ†¡∑® plane. Frontier is a weird airline. The planes have animals on their tail fins. When we were airborne snakes got everywhere oh noes! but then Andrew Jackson saves the day yaayay yaayay doo do doo, doo do doo, doo doo doodeloodel loo de doo. juth kidding. I did want to see Snakes On a Plane on a plane (ƒ®Ωπ†¡∑® has T.V. screens) but they didn’t have it. phleh.
When served my free Sprite looked at the network of flight paths on the napkin and it’s crazy b-cause cities that I would expect to have lots of air traffic like NYC, Seattle, or Chickago don’t, and DENVER of all places connects with about 30 other cities. I suppose that’s wise because after planes land in DENVER then they can glide to wherever the next destination is, which in our case was LaGuardia. It’s funny, airplane cabins are pressurized to match the pressure at 3000 feet above sea level. I think. When we land in DENVER, the greater pressure is on the inside. While waiting at the DENVER airport, I’m watch the news about a Heathrow terrorist attack, and that some ß@5†å®∂z tried to blow up several planes over the Atlantic with liquid oh I’m sorry leequeed eexploseeves and I thought oooooohhh now I get it why they banned liquids. It works on like, so many levels. Such dry humor. I’m sorry wet because the explosives were liquid! Hahahahaha wait now I’m sad because it involves terrorism *sniff* but if we never saw the T.V.s we never would have known because we hardly had any delays.
So we flew to LaGuardia which is now Hotel LaGuardia with free rent and public rooms. A lot of delayed-flight people are staying there. We got on a shuttle and when we got on the bus driver said that there was no flights going in our out for the next few hours. Oh, burn, Hotel LaGuardia patrons! Losers! Losers with a H for Heathrow! It was a result of wheathor(weather). You know why? ‘Cause if you turn wheathor around, it’s heathrow. Heathrow for Loser!
Enter(sur)prise rent-a-cart center has interesting cars. We rented some PT cruiser thing and drove it to Rumsen, NJ. If it’s supposed to look retro... keep workin on it. Now, maybe I’m used to a car with good mileage(I am) Or this thing sucks. It got maybe 20 miles to the gallon on a good stretch of road. To hummer drivers who are getting 20 gallons to the mile this is great, But our car (toyota) gets at least 24. When we arrived at my uncle’s house, dad pressed what he thought was the lock button on our car remote which was actually the panic button. The car alarm went off. At 11:00 PM. Luckily it turned off after a few seconds.My Uncle has a dog that, if you pet it once, he’s gets in your lap and starts licking your face. I guess he’s social. Random filler.
This post may contain Knox Korner references and will have to be searched before boarding.
Coming up next is Part 2: Eagles Mere, the town that everybody who isn’t living in it forgot.

Finished w/ a capital F that rhymes with..

I am in a play! I’m special! I have a private trailer. Not really. It’s invisble. But the play’s over now. Can you guess what it was?
You: Yeah. We have ESP.
Me: Really?
You: No, you rube. Tell us.
Me: Oh, that burn cut deep. Well, it was the Music Man. The Music Man with a capital T, that rhymes w/ P that stands for Pyro. Never mind getting the C-4 mailed or the napalm burned or the... ok im losin it. It’s just that there was this new falling sand game called Pyro sand. Google it.
You: google is not a verb.
Me: Go away. Back to TMM. Bloopers include:
During shipoopi: He’s his Shipoopi!
Zaneeta: (Talking to Tommy) Papa, it’s Tommy! instead of (Tommy, it’s papa).
Being friggin elephants backstage.
That’s all I have for bloopers. Now I’m gonna tell you why Lida Rose creeps me out
Lida Rose I’m home again Rose
(why are you talking to a flower?)
To get the sun back in the skyyyy
(Omagod why isn’t the sun in the sky! Help! Ahhhhhh! We’regonnadie we’regonnadie!)
Lida Rose I’m home again Rose.
(again)
About a thousand kisses shy.
(You... have a graph?)
I’m gonna stop there. Too scary.

Calllgarrry... Calllgarrry

Alright I went to Cargaly Carlgay Calargy Calgary! That’s it. Two weeks ago. It was a school paid trip and the entire class went. Since the trip is too big to fit into a blog post, I’m only going to do the interesting stuff.
Wave Pool: Now I know how New Orleans feels. I got hammered by wave after wave of... waves... yeah.
Science World: Science again! I said Science again!
Calgary Zoo: They had hippos! Go hippos!
Calaway Park: There was a coaster and I went on it and I was like S word S word S word S word S word S word because I got that weird G-force feeling. They also had a dozen bumper cars and I like bumper cars so woot and I got high on cotton candy.
Lazer Quest: Adrenaline Rush Hour! I kinda wish we played games where we had to touch bases because I like games with strategy and not just mindless killing.
Ok that’s it. Go away.

Cool. I'm Twelve.

I’m exactly twelve! wooooootza! I was born at 1:43 on the Atlantic coast and it’s almost 10:43 here! Now I can do things like... 12 year old... things. Send me a present.
Off topic:
SUMMEROMG111R0X0R$ROFLOLYaY!11WTHEY35CeLsIuS!
w000000000tç@|\|ad@d@yFIREWORKZKBZZZZZhPoweeeeeeeoooooooooow......
BOOM. OMGLMAOROFLafel is weird.
RPS-25! Play it! Now! http://hallpass.com/media/rps25.html

Didn’t get stung.

OkaysotherewasthisspellingbeeandIwaslikeomgwtfamigoingtodopassout?youknowcauseiwasinitandfirsttheyhadthegrade1scompetingagainsteachother
andthatwasanadrnalinrushandIwasinsixthgrade.Sowhenthesixgradepeople
(meand5otherpeoplewhowerebraveenough2puttheirassesuponstage),
competedforabout20minutesIwonbecauseIwasabletospelldisinfectantand
I’mthinkingtothepersonwhocameinsecondhowthehellcanyounotspell
disinfectantit’sfonetiklyspelled.
I’mlikewooooooooimnothighanymore.theadrenalinisadrug.
Iwaslmaoontheinsideatmycompetitors.SoIgotamedal4that.
thentheyhadthegrade12n3winnerscompetingagainsteachother.
thegradethreepersonwonwooooosuprise.
Thentheyhadmecopmeteagainstthegrade4n5winners
andimlikeohbleepbacktobeingonTHORAZINE/CRACK.
Sobeinghigh,IhadtroubleformingwordsandI’mgonnabet
thatthespellingbeewasmadethatway.
IwonwithchrysanthemumwhichIlearnedfromCalvin&Hobbesreaditpeople.
SothenIhadtogoagainstthegradethreepersonwhowonandIm
likeyouevilpeoplethisisn’tfairandtheysaidwellyourgonnahavetotryand
I’mlikenoImeanforher.AndtheystartlaughingnoI’mjustkidding.
TheymadeitsothatifshegotawordwrongIwouldgetawordfrom
thegrade8listnotthegrade4list.Sotheysaytoher”biology”andIsaythatsonHERlist?!?!?!?!?OhcrapwhatsonmylistwellturnsoutwhenshegetsbiologywrongIgetpirouette
Istartemotionallyhoppingaroundshootingbulletsatthe
celingoutof50calibersbecauseIcanspellit!
SoIgotagiantwoodthing!I’mstilladrenalinizedfromit.
Ever wish you could win a spelling bee? Spell the above post without looking. You are now prepared.

Sick, Sick, Sicks.

Okay the apocalypse happened a few days ago but since I have the knowhow to survive things like this, I survived. For those of you who did... not... survive, here are some tips to help survive the next apocalypse (100 years from now.)
-Get vaccinated with St.Peter approved Triple-sixlenol. Helps fight pestilence and relieve headaches.
-Build a bomb shelter out of solidified lambs blood. It will be passed over by hungry dogs. Definitely. Wait I meant the four horsepeoples and god.
-Get a toad-proof umbrella.
That’s all. And there’s scaffolding outside my bedroom window! That too! Ha! In your face!

Traflagar day!

Weeeeehll... I went to Trafalgar, the local junior high, i saw how it was inside and got hit by a pie! It was a special time called Orientation day, where we learn ‘bout junior high (all work and never play). But it looks like Trafalgar is betterthan that cause it has vending machines, constantly using overpriced snacks to keep you away from greens.
and I’ll stop rhyming and it has metal shop, wood shop, cooking, fine arts, and... walls. I cant really remeber anything else.

My sister graduated from some Girl guides thing.

I have now played paintball atleast 8 times.

I got a paintgun. (nyah nyah)

I got a Tac-5 Recon paintball gun. It’s camo, which MAKES IT COOL. I gave it to Kalen, and he was going crazy with it but I was able to turn the safety on before he did any real damage. But he is crazy. He nearly shot a car. I was like oh my my my paintballs hit me so hard makes me say “oh my lord” Kalen has got the gun and I would say he’s havin fun. na na-na-na, na-na, na-na don’t touch that okay you get it. But yeah I’ve also got a C02 canister with me which is under maybe 3000 psi. So I’m dangerous now. In the words of Zoidberg: No, world, you put your hands up!

caterpillars on the streets.

My sister and her friends have a juice stand set up, and they seem to be making a profit. But then Luis and Kalen (wannabe wholesalers) come up and offer them some juice for some big amount. When my sister and her freinds said no, they offered to take over the stand. When they said no again, The guys went and set up their own juice stand which does not currently exist.
And people are FRIGGIN’ DRILLIN’ UP THE FRIGGIN’ STANLEY STREET! I MEAN CATERPILLARS! THEY JUST RUN OVER IT CONSTANTLY AND USE THE ASPHALT CRAP TO BUILD A COCOON AND TURN INTO BUTTERFLY CARGO PLANES!
Inevitably Earth Day happened, And you know what I did? I went down to the dump in my hummer limo to get rid of plastic! ‘Cause it’s bad and non-byeohdeegrayduhble! Oops they got sucked out of the open window (creating air drag and resulting in worse mileage) So I guess they’re gone now. Which reminds me, I read about this extremely-realistic (I mean similar to real life, not life-like graphics) RPG in which resource use is a factor. Check it out at http://www.gaminginparadise.com

Tales from the field.

I went paintballing for my first time on Monday at a speedball field. I think it went okay, except that everybody was a few years older than me. All but two people probably weren’t seasoned players. The other two (let’s call them Pepper and Oregano) were seasoned and probably both had Flatlines (a special gun). Pepper had a gun where he could set it to 3 or 6 shots every time he pulled the trigger, or full auto. Oregano was on my team (there were teams of two) and usually got the other two people out w/in 20 seconds. I did better than I thought I would do at defending myself inside those... 20 seconds. Shut up. BUT the only person I got hit by was Pepper, who could hit you right now if he wanted to. Yep. Yes he could.

The Chair Army

A few days ago my sister broke the right armrest of the only chair at the dinner table with armrests. And the chairs have decided that this enough.
Private Johnson: General! What happened to your armrest?
General Peterson: It’s that girl again. Luckily it can easily be fixed with rubber cement. Now this has been the most recent and serious attack as of today. After the series of food spillages, we are now going to send an ambassador to speak with her. Commander Dillon, take this down.
Commander Dillon: Yes, sir.
General Peterson: Time, uh, elevenhundered and forty eight hours. Dear unidentified girl. Your latest attack has not been recieved well. Therefore, we are sending an ambassador to you to reach an agreement. If he comes back harmed, we will have to stop you by force.
Very Sincerely, General Peterson of the Chair army.
Ambassador: Should I get a nice finish for the occasion, sir?
General: Yes. Make it intimidating.

WH2O

When I was driving to Whitewater (the skiing place), I noticed that there were maybe 20 hitchhikers on the side of the road. For their help I have written the Hitchhiker’s Guide to Whitewater. Far out in the end of the Western lift of the Ski Resort lies a small unregarded white ski way. Bordering this ski way is an utterly insignificant little blue square trail who’s skiiers-on are so primitive that they still think weather resistant watches are a pretty neat idea. This trail is called Jackpot. On this trail is a lodge which a guy named Arthur Chip lives in. His lodge is about to be destroyed by some other skiiers who need to build a snowmobile route. But then the Fogons come along and destroy Jackpot entirely to make a snowmobile highway...?. Just in time, Volvo Prefect (from a planet somewhere in the vicinity of Tramline, another trail,) comes along and beams himself and Arthur Dent into one of the Fogons’ helicopters. Once they are found, they get dropped into an avalanche. Avalanches, the Hitchhiker’s Guide to Whitewater says, are big. You wouldn’t believe how big they are. It also says that if you are stuck in one with a lungful of air, you can survive for about 30 seconds. 29 seconds after Volvo and Arthur were caught in the avalanche they are picked up by the Heart of Lead, a helicopter stolen by Baphod Zeeblebrox, the president of Whitewater. After accidentally landing on Huckleberry, the fisrt trail to invent the grind rail before the... um... tree... Billian, a guy who Arthur Chip met at a dress party, is taken away by the Fogons. Then the group goes to Blast, a double black diamond trail, and home of the Fogons. They rescue Billian with some beuracratic forms, and finally go to Concentrator (a trail) while on their way, they have two shells launched at them and evade them by turning them into a bowl of petunias and a grizzly bear. This is what the grizzly bear thought in it’s entire life.
Ah! What’s happening? Who am I? What is my purpose in life? What do I mean by who am I? What’re these white flakes going past what I’m suddenly going to call my body? I’ll call it... snow! Is that a good name for it? and what’s this thing that’s coming towards me very fast? So big and sloped... It needs a rolling, sloped name...ll...ill...hill! That’s it! I wonder if it will be friends with me? *thud*
So they goes to Concentrator to get to a portal which takes everyone except Arthur to a supercomputer named Shallow Thought.
“Oh Shallow Thought. We know the answer to the question of life is 21. What is ultimate Question to skis, the Mountain Range, everything!
“Sorry I was watchin TV” says shallow thought.
“Well that sucks” says Baphod.
Meanwhile Arthur is getting a tour of Jackpot 2 with Slarossignoltibartfast, and employee of a company that is in the buisness of making trails. And the mousies try to take Arthur’s brain! But he kills them and everyone goes to the Restraunt at the End of the Mountain Range.
Is WH2O pronounced waych-too-oh?

Today I died.

Aprill fools! I had you so fooled! You were all like oh no, The Pizza Guy’s dead! And I’m all like hah no I’m not!

Cheezie time.

Wow, I haven't posted in forever. It's because I've been doing claymation again. The only thing I'd like to know is why isn't bush doing anything about lesbian marriage? Is he sexist? wassup?
Also he sold some ports to some Arabs which is kinda bad cause USA is at war with those kindsa people. It's as bad as Cheezies or Funyuns. Ooh, now you're scared.
Guess what? In 2 days, our blog will be six months old!

The Oscars.

I’m a slow blogger. That’s why I’m telling you about the Oscars today. Jon Stewart hosted it and that’s kinda the only reason I watched it. What did people win? (I really don’t know how to spell these peoples’ names.
Most accented film:
Kera Knightley and Russel Crow in This isn’t SFX.
Best supporting girder in a full length bridge:
That one steel girder in Amelia Earhart Memorial Bridge.
Best Electricity:
Wires of a Geisha.
Most Utensils in an Actress’s name:
Resse Witherspoon’s daughter, Knife
Best Time-lapsed Film:
A Buncha Flowers Grow Really Fast.
Best Inanimate Feature:
Carbon Rods and Cryogenics.
So that’s it. Oh, it’s hard out there for a pimp...

You're not gonna believe this...

I’m a member of the FCC! That’s short for Frozen Chicken Club. It’s at school. To join, you have to be taken down to the boys’ bathroom by someone who is already a member or trainee while touching all the obstacles on the way to the bathroom. Then you lift up one of the tiles in the ceiling, and there’s a frozen chicken. If you can’t see it, you didn’t touch all the obstacles. But if you can, good for you! You’re a trainee now. To be an official member, you have to take someone down to see the FC, and then they become a trainee.
On the 15th of every month, we have something called the gluestick ritual. In the gluestick ritual, you smear glue (from your gluestick) on your right hand and do all the obstacles. Since most of them are on your right, your hand will fell very weird after doing all of them.
But I’d rather be a member of the real FCC. Their job is to watch TV and what they like goes on the air. It’s a tough job, but somebody has to do it.

Dick Cheney Shot A Guy In The Face!

Well you’ve probably heard that Dick Cheney shot a guy in the face now. But let’s move on to more important stuff like how Dick Cheney I mean I just shot I mean got a guy in the face I mean a gigabyte of stuff on iTunes!
Tonight I interview Dick Cheney on this.
TPG: Nice to have you here, Mr. Vice President.
DC: No prob.
TPG: Is the media hiding anything from the public?
DC: That depends on what you mean by hiding, TPG. If you mean the kind of hiding like, what kind of shoes I was wearing then yes, they-
TPG: That sounds very interesting. What kind of shoes are you wearing right now, Mr. Vice President?
DC: Sketchers.
TPG: Wow, I should really be covering this.
DC: Yeah, well, as I was saying the media would be hiding something if they didn’t say what shoes I was wearing. But if they said that I might have used an RPG, then they would not be hiding anything.
TPG: You used Runescape to shoot the guy?
DC: No.
TPG: You used World of Warcraft?
DC: No, I used a rocket propelled grenade.
TPG: Oh, ok. Now I heard on the news that alcohol wasn’t a factor. Does this mean marijuana was a factor?
DC: Dunno. I can’t remember.
TPG: I’m guessing it was. Well now we should take a break from this depressingly boring topic to talk about the Olympics. Mr. Vice President, I understand you entered your country in the Olympics?
DC: Yeah. We were in the top three.
TPG: So were we. But that’s great. It is. This is what the media should be focusing on.
Along with that ant on the ground.
DC: That’s a cool ant.
TPG: Yep, it is.

"Science" Fair

Hey! Our school had a science fair! I didn’t know that schools actually... did that. But there was first, second, and third for each grade (1-6) I got 1st place for 6th grade along with fifteen dollars. Time for another worthless guide on... HOW TO MAKE THINGS FOR SCIENCE FAIRS!!!!!
1. You DO NOT want leetspeak on your poster, unless you are doing some weird experiment on leetspeak. I don’t wanna know.
2. Have your info organized in columns. Like roman columns. Mmmyes that would get you a prize for originality.
3. If your project has something to do with vinegar and baking soda, let me tell you right now... that Drano and citric acid work way better. Why are you looking at me like that? Thought I was gonna say something else?
4. Cahler Mono-chreaume. I’m sayin it weird because you don’t know what it is anyway so you won’t care. But it’s when you have like, black and gray and white, but you also have another range of one color, like blue. So you could have black, dark gray, turquoise, indigo, off-white. All that stuff.
5. Paste a bunch of scientific diagrams that have nothing to do with your project on your poster.
6. If it’s biology, just... just... forget about it. It is hard to transport, you’re not gonna do your variables right, and everything living will die. Like, in the world because your project is so bad.
So that’s all I got as far as what to do. Let’s see what people did.
-Music fo’ plants: Black Eyed Peas or 50 cent?
-What eggs rot the best?
-Vinegar & Baking Soda: A study in foamy stuff.
-This Isn’t About Reverse Psychology
-The Meaning of Life(not done yet)

Our Homestar Runner References

We’ve made a lot of homestar references. Here they are, maybe changed a little.
1. To take revenge, he starts singing "Boulavard of Broken Dreams" to you. [Ahh!!!! Your ears!!! It hurts so bad!!!]
2. [Ok little man,] you think you're so smart with the government?...
3. The pieces will blow up, [sending you to the moooooooooooon!!! Fluffy Puff Air-Puffed Sugar Delights! That's right the moon! Try all new Fluf]..... oh sorry. I got off track.
4. [Long pants, Strong Bad! long pants! Everybody Everybody! longlong pants!]
5. Ok, [this interview is OVERRRR!!!!!!!!!!!!!]
6. I can set a record, too! [I'm gonna set the world record for puttin' nine pieces of chewed gum on my face and singing the "I'm Just Me" song while hoppin' around on one foot!]
7. OK, [THIS NEWS REPORT IS OVVEERRRRRR!!]
8. [And that's the end of my post! donk.]
9. [Jammin on the one, jammin on the one! J-J-Jammin on the one, jammin on the one!]
10. [P4wned! PØned! Or however u say that!]
11. [justice rocket booster rocket rocket fire!]
12. [Aw, that’s too bad. I guess I’ll just go on home and- pyong-pyong-pyong-pyong-pyong! So long, suckers!]
13. [I wike candy!]
14. [A little to the left, come on, come on. Back to the right, shake it around!]
15. I’m working on this [awexome] Zathura movie review.
16. I’m sure it would [sell like hotcakes. Ooh! Especially if it smelled like hot cakes!]
17: [Arrow’d!] by: Arrow’d Guy.
18: “[Where are the earnings?] kiddin.”
19: The “it snowed here too.” post is a transcript. I can’t post it here.
20: For the dress rehearsa[lala,nanana,heyhey,doodoodoo] we got to put on make up.
21:This whole “bottom 10 or 9” thing.
That’s one reference every 4.76 posts! What kinda rate is that?

My Bottom 9

I decided to post my bottom 9.

#9. Making a big deal over tenthennial, centennial, millenial, etc. stuff. This is why I’m only doing my bottom 9. Wait, is the next post this blog’s hundredth? AAAAGH!

#8. Songs with comprehensible lyrics.

#7. When people call things that aren’t universal universal. (i.e. Universal Health Care, Universal Studios)

#6. Boom-boom trucks that can give weird seismograph readings.

#5. Not... pastafarians. make fun of intelligent design. Worship the FSM. Funny stuff.

#4. My horrible Tostito addiction.

#3. Those pickup truck ads that show the truck getting close to no traction. Especially if they’re boom boom trucks.

#2. Movie trailers that show clips where the characters are “commenting” on the trailer.

And the number one thing on TPG’s bottom 9 is... when people count down like this: ...3...2...1...1 and 1/2...1 and 3/4... and so on. Because after you reach one, you count up. ONE AND A HALF IS MORE THAN ONE YOU STUPID PEOPLE. And I am talking appropriately in second place. You have done this. Everybody has done this except for N.A.S.A. when they launch a rocket. Hey, can you imagine that? “T-minus 3, 2, 1, 1 1/2, 1 3/4, um, igniton. or blast off. I should push that button now.”

A Podcast that rocks.

It’s the Onion Radio News! They’ll have something funny and obsess about it and usually someone will call in “over the phone” and say something funny. Subscribe already, damnit! Some titles iclude “Many Americans suffer from Pork Deficiency” and “Fun Toy Banned Because of Three Stupid Dead Kids”. Now I’m gonna try to copy them.
It’s the WBOC! The Castlegar airport is being an insufferable prick for cancelling flights due to fog. The Pizza Guy reporting. The Castlegar airport is being a wuss for cancelling many flights because of fog recently, keeping many people in/out of the airport instead of where they need to go. Not only is this cowardly, it's annoying. Common flyer Mike Johnson: “I had to be in Portland at 3:00 sharp, but now that my flight’s delayed I’m late. Geez, what a bunch of homichlophobic jerks.” Luckily for the annoyingly obsessive airport, it’s the only airport around, which forces people to take buses or sit is the waiting room for long periods.
The Pizza Guy for the WBOC.

The Castlegar airport is actually doing this.

Tostitos smoke you.

Well the weekly bake sale at school is going like the NYSE. Cupcakes are gone before the end of first recess. In fact I bought 200 shares of Brownie Co. and that’s just me.
So anyway we had one of our many classes about the evilness of smokes and tobacco and crack and Steven Harper and how Bush and Steven Harper are gonna spend Valentine’s Day together. But there is one thing more addictive than all of these put together... TOSTITOS.
They talked to us about how Tostitos are so addictive that you have to be chained to the wall to stop eating them and that the“oh I’m not gonna be addicted” promise is usually not kept.
They also told us that you can get so addicted you end up eating 2 whole bags a day which will take a chunk out of your salary.
The problems with Tostitos are that they taste so good that you feel dizzy and can hardly breathe. But then you have to eat another because they are so addictive. You end up going to the hospital because you have conumed so much tortilla and salt you got dehydrated and they impaired your breathing, not because they are in your lungs but because there are so many in your mouth. Gee I wonder how they got there.
They also told us not to snort Five Alive.

Marshmallow Napalm!

Good news. I designed an automatic marshmallow machine gun! It needs plumbing parts, a fan, and marshmallows. now I need to put one of those sinper things on it so I can snipe people. Maybe I could redesign it to hold those big marshmallows which in marshmallow bullet world = 50 kaliber bullet. Failed smore marshmallow (flaming) = rocket. And that marshmallow stuff that comes in a jar = napalm. Fun fact! Napalm = gas and soap, but just because it’s soap doesn’t mean you can wash yourself with it. You shouldn’t.
There’s countless possibilties of things to do when firing marshmallows.

Stickman war.

This stickman fight has stickmen dying in every way possible. If you search "unglued battle" on google, it's the first thing on the first page.
Unglued Battle
Yes, this was short.

Charlie and the Popcorn Factory

Well I watched the new Charlie and the chocolate factory in school for the second time. And the brazillian student and I had a popcorn eating contest in which we nearly choked. How can I smush these two things together... I know! Oompa loompas stuffing themselves with popcorn! Wait, no. Other way around.

“I, Orville Redenbacher, have issued five ordinary bags of popcorn with five gold tokens in them. The people who get these tokens are eligible for a tour of my fine factory for a day. At the end one of you shall receive a prize beyond your wildest dreams. These bags may be in any shop in any city of any country in the world.
Till then,
Orville Redenbacher”

Okay so that’s what it says on the back of the bags of popcorn. Now of course the people who get ‘em have to be a fat kid, a spoiled kid, a straight-A kid, a video game obsessed kid, and a poor kid. Oh, popcorn!

Lazy Sunday

I am tired today. Here's something to describe my lazy sunday which I didn't make. Here's more stuff.

forget the Januarathon.

But I still like January! Oh, you should like this, Shmebb. I got to handle raw hamburger meat. guess what disease I was risking...
That's right, E.coli! Burn on you heh heh gakk *falls over dead*
Guide to making siphons out of juice boxes:
1. Poke a hole in the top, not where the straw goes.
2. Put the straw where it goes.
3. Suck juice through the straw (remember, no air can be in the straw)
4. If it is dripping continuously congrats. Put it on someone's desk.
5. Run away.

This also works with gas tanks.

Heh heh...

Man, even the XP likes me!

Hydrogeeen.

Well I saw an argument on the Mythbusters forums that was like “which is safer as fuel in a car, hydrogen or gasoline?” And then some guy’s like “Oh, hydrogen is way safer because it can’t burn” or some bullcrap. And then 20 other people say “Remember that thing called the Hindenburg?” and he says “yeah, but the flames went upwards and the people died because they jumped and the 20 others are like “yeah, whatev. Hydrogen is a gas combustible with a single flame, and gasoline, in some cases, won’t ignite at all” and a physics guy says “you need to turn the hydrogen into liquid for it to be a worthwhile fuel, which means pressurizing the tank to about 3 grand psi (CSI) which means if it ruptured it would explode purely because of pressure, and if there was an open flame then it would ignite and burn the car. If you can imagine these on the freeway, imagine each one exploding.”
So let’s take a poll. Which do you think is safer, hydrogen or gasoline?

The water park must be an allegory fer something.

Man, I need to post. I know! I’ll post about the water park I went to about a week ago. It was inside this hotel called the Holiday Inn Express. You might not have heard of it (sarcasm). The reason I haven’t been posting was because I was working on a claymation. But back to the water park. First, there was this big bucket that dumped a ton a water every 5 minutes or so. Some people wouldn’t wait for it, some people would wait there for a while, others waited there forever. So it’s basically a religion. The peeps worship the bucket. Now we have to talk about something that’s like smoking. If you wanna go on the water slides (the blue one powned) then you have to walk about three stories up while inhaling annoying amounts of chlorine gas. One time I felt light headed. You also have to have a double -tube to go on the blue one, so double -tubes get monopolized.I figured it waddnt woth it.
Several times I was in the wave pool and it was fun, but I also wanted to be under the big bucket when it dumped. I thought “I’ll just stay in the wave pool a little longer.” But of course it dumps. Time for me to join that religion.

New Years Resolutions

I resolve to lose weight.

That is one of the most popular New Years Resolutions ever. I'm posting this now, because this is about the time people actully make their resolutions, or stop them. Anyway, here's some tips on how to keep this resolution.
This is possibly the worst one you can ever choose. Espesially since you have about 12 dozen Christmas cookies left over and that fruitcake Aunt Bertha gave you. But you shouldn't eat that thing anyway. Use it as a step-ladder.
Ok, anyway, I wouldn't lose that weight - I'd turn it into muscle. With Arnold Inc.'s new.... TRANSFORM FAT INTO MUSCLE-ANIZER 2000... 6!. (Not to be confused with the Transform fat into muscle-anizer 2000... 5!).
What it does is squeezes the fat out of you through your ear holes, then turns it into rock, then inserts it into your body. Better then Rock-Hard muscles, it's actully rock! Then again, you die, but... who really cares anyway?
Another way is to read "Julius Ceaser". Er... however you spell it. You'll be craving salad so much, it'll be intoxicating! So you'll get a gas mask and get killed by it and get chopped up by some guy named Seymor and fed to a giant man-eating plant! Just like the dentist dude from Little Shop Of Horrors!
Well thats it. See ya'll.

snow!

Wow. So you didn't fotoshop that. Or mess the letters up. It was a pure coincidence. That belongs in Ripleys.
GWR Team: No it belongs in Guiness World Records!
Shut up guys. Well yesterday rocked first I played in the snow and then there was an abandoned snow fort and I went inside and it ruld and now Knox should be publishing movies soon wich also is great and now I don’t have to articulate my thoughts! Blah bluhbluhhhhhguh.
Waaaaaaait a second. First, why would a pork place sell chocolates. And what the hey is a Shmebb? And since when do restraunts use signs? I hope you didn't use one of those sign generators.

Pictuuure

I just had to post this:

The stegasaurus was right.

Nothing happeneddededddededeededded. except I made some big snowballs and rolled ‘em down the hill. But here's the link for the original Killer Queen lyrics, and here’s what I thought they were, modified to resemble words. (My version of Killer Queen does not have the last verse):
She keeps ‘em away in summer in her pretty cabinet,
“Let them away” she said just like Mariantoinette!
Feelin remedy to solve eternity
And anytime an implication you can’t hide!
Caviar and cigarettes
Just like my etiquette
A store in holdin my rice
chorus

chorus:
She’s a Killer Queen
gunpowder, turpentine (I thought turpentine was pronounced that way) dynamite with a laser beam
Guaranteed to boil my eye
Anytime

Cut your man for apple pie
It’s like she wore and never tried
For the sty.

To avoid complications she never kept her singer dress
In conversation she spoke just like a baroness!
Middle man China
Conjucation finer
Been away the cineplex
If that way inline!

If you keep askin me for tax,
she is a baroness
The setgasaurus was right
chorus

Cut your man for apple pie
It’s like she wore and never tried
For the sty.

gurgle...

And here's to you... Reverend Robertson... Jesus doesn't even watch your show.... no no no...
God's ticked at you... Reverend Robertson... Heaven only waits for those who pray... for you to go away... hey hey hey...
(NOTE: Sing that to the refrain of "Mrs. Robinson").

Had to post that. So... I've decided to post my bottom... 10!

10. Those books that adults write for kids about kids but it doesn't sound like a kid wrote it because it was written by an adult. (Doesn't make sense!)

9. You're lying in your nice soft bed, nodding off, about to fall asleep when... *twitch*. GAH! You body suddenly... spasms...s... and you're wide awake again.

8. That one night when we were all sleeping in a hotel room and my sister had a really clogged up nose so the entire night I got to listen to:
*Hauaghhalghhalakajghhhlaghhjagh...*
*Phewwwwooophewwowoooophew...*
*Hauaghhalghhalakajghhhlaghhjagh...*
*Phewwwwooophewwowoooophew...*

7. The high-pitched whine that babies make.

6. Gettin' to good ones now! Uh... people who try to be funny but definately aren't funny so you're just thinking SHUT UP!

5. Anything that has to do with Brittney Spears.

4. Anything that has to do with Hillary Duff.

3. Anything that has to do with Pop music altogether.

2. Alfred Hitchcock movies. Especially "The Birds".

1. Drunk, republican snowmobilers.

Freaky Saturday

Q: So i’m asking the questions now?
A: Yep.
Q: So you said you’d have revenge on me. What is it?
A: I was going to bug you with song lines.
Q: I don't care.
A: mmm.
So I’ve decided that I’ll post about the previous day in the Januarathon. This means you’ll see a post on Feb. 1.
Well we got a brazilian kid with us. One of many who’s coming to Nelson. And when we turned on a heater there was a short! short circut! and for those of you who thinks a short just blows a fuse, get with it. it went FZZZZT and there was a big thing a light. No fire, though.
Also people at school made a 3’ diameter snowball. We’re wondering wether it should be the snowman’s head or his little toe.

Killer Queen!

Q: So what’s that song yer listening to?
A: Killer Queen.
Q: Can I hear it?
A: No.
Q: Fine. What’s it about?
A: It’s about a Killer... QueeeEn. Gunpowder, gelatine, dynamite with a laser beam!
Q: Whatever. Where’d ya get it?
A: In my pretty cabinet, let them eat cake she says, just like Marie Antoinette!
Q: No you didn’t. You got it at the iTunes Music Store. I was testing you.
A: Damit.
Q: How much did it cost?
A: A buck. Recommended at the price. Insatiable an appetite. Wanna tryyyy?
Q: I ask the Questions. See the Q?
A: Yeah. In conversation, you speak just like a baroness!
Q: Will you shut up?
A: Maybe. Ask me another question.
Q: Is it a good song?
A: Man, you’re slow. Of course it is.
Q: I need to know where you live so I can hunt you. Where’s your house?
A: To avoid complication, I never keep the same address.
Q: AG!
A: I can invite you over for Moet et Chandon, caviar, and some cigarettes.
Q: You don’t even know what Moet et Chandon is, you hate caviar, and you don’t smoke.
A: All true. But at anytime an invitation you can’t decliiine!
Q: You don’t know how hard I’m trying not to drive you over.
A: For cars I couldn’t care less.
Q: That’s it! Tommorow I shall have revenge!

It's January 4th. It's January 4th. It's January 4th

Or as the French would say: janvier du qatrete or somethin. Well I went back in time to January 4th to post! yay! I had to hunt down the January monster. I won an eggplant for it. So it’s January 4th. Notta lotta excitement.
Oh, but if you put dish soap in the microwave it gets bubbly real fast.

Xplosive Dcompression

Sorry about the car. I’m glad they didn’t light it on fire. But time for safe pyrotechnics:
So you take a can o’ co-co-cola or some carbonated rejuvenating beverage, shake it don’t stir, then you dig a hole or some other dip in the ground, you put some sizzers or some other sharp implement in the ground with the blade up, then you drop the can a co-co-cola on it and it goes shpop. It works on the principle of explosive decompressomblahguhhhhhhhhhhh....
Then you don’t listen to the rest because you don’t wanna hear it.

Yes, I'm alive. Unfortunately for you guys.

Guess what?
What?
No I'm not going to tell you.
No tell me!
No.
Yes!
No.
Yes!
No.
Tell me!
No.
C'mon!
No.
Please?
No.
73|_|_ |\/|3!
Stop talking in l337! And ok, fine.

Our car was vandalized! They smashed the door open, and stole everything, and then threw the car into a ditch. And sprayed gasoline all over it and then lit a match and threw the match onto the car and started a forest fire.

Just kiddding.

But they did smash all the door windows. All 4 of 'em. We were up in our cabin in Idaho, and dad foolishly parked the car on the side of the road where plently of snowmobilers drive by. Theres lots of snow up there, and LOTS of snowmobilers. Over 200, at least.
It may have been because we had a "Howard Dean" bumper sticker and a "Kerry Edwards" one. All of the people up there are Bush supporters, and are usually drunk.
Or it could have been because they think that the entire road belongs to them, because no ones stupid enough to drive a car up there, except us.
The odd thing is that they stole nothing, even though there was a wallet in the glove compartment, an iPod in the back seat, a subwoofer in the very back, etc.
So we had to drive back to Seattle with plywood over our windows. It was really scary and dad almost crashed.

Yup, I'm sorry. No stupid and corny jokes on this post. Except... you guys are probably thankful for that.

Januarathon!

Ok so I’m starting a Januarathon because January is good. Remember, it’s only January 8.49315068493151 percent of the year, and we have to make the most of it. I have to post everyday, even if it kills me.
Oh my god it’s the January monster! “There’s a monster for January?” you ask because you’re slow. No, it’s not a monster, and it’s not the January man... it’s the January monster. And when it roars, it sounds like a telephone. Ok, enough knox references.

You can't avoid it...

Hey, guess what. I went to my friend’s house in 2005, and came out in 2006. If it sounds like I was in there for a long time, then you’re gullible. It’s 20 minutes into January! 2006, yall! it rulz. Because, if you turn it upside-down, it says 9002. 7734 yeah, it rox. One of my rez-a-lootions is to be more n00bish.

I'm gonna be a complete thief

...and steal shmebb's idea. Keep in mind I did write this thing a year ago.

The 1st thing of power the world gave to me
Was a scam in the election. Yippee!
The 2nd thing of power the world gave to me
Was 2 crashed towers,
The 3rd thing of power the world gave to me
Was 3 suspect countries,
The 4th thing of power the world gave to me
Was 4 thousand hours,
The 5th thing of power the world gave to me
Was 5 big tax cuts!
The 6th thing of power the world gave to me
Was 6 coalitions,
The 7th thing of power the world gave to me
Was 7 swift boat vet’s lying,
The 8th thing of power the world gave to me
Was 8 cabinet members,
The 9th and 11th things the world gave to me
Was 9/11 haunting,
The 10th thing of power the world gave to me
Was 10 trillion dollars lost,
The 12th thing of power the world gave to me
Was 12 cans of oil,

U.S. measurements are a load.

U.S measurements are way different from metric, and that’s pretty much the only non-violent thing that makes America different. Here are some of the ways:
Temperature
-40 celsius and -40 fahrenheit aren’t the same heat. Nope. Definitely not. No checking.
Length
A mile is a heck longer than a kilometer, even though kilometer has 5 more letters.
Yards mean three feet. But not yards as in backyards, and not feet as in what we put into our shoes. That’s very misleading. The again, with our measurements you’d think a killer equaled 1000 graham crackers. because of kilogram. forget it.
Weight
1000 grams is kinda deceiving. You’d think it would be heavier.
I looks like U.S. have the unit of weight “1 ton” and we don’t. Yeah, be proud cause we goooooot... Millligram, decagram, dekagram, and some others! de donk.
Area
Hectare sounds way cooler than acre.
Energy
Kilogram-meters has way more kinetic energy than foot-pounds, and foot-pounds sounds like some weird disease.
Btus and Ergs sound weird, but Joules sounds like something I want. I want a million joules! Oh, wait. Then I’d get incinerated.
The only thing bad about our units of energy is the kilogram-calories. I’d hate to eat one and weigh another kilo.
Time
A metric day is about .7 U.S. days. The U.S. is so rushed.
Speed
To prove the U.S. is rushed, 1 mile an hour is 1.6 kilometers an hour.
As with every category, there is an odd-sounding one. This time it’s knots.
Pressure
PSI: a lot of adults get that confused with CSI.
Odd measurement: Pascals. Sounds like a chip. I bet a pringles tube could hold 1000 pascals... which ain’t that much.
Power
Foot-Pounds/Second?!? That’s 3 freakin’ measurements in one!
Volume
Let’s get something straight: We’re not talking about decibles.
Also, what the crap is a Dram? Sounds like you’re copying someone.
Currency
Yeesh.. well, you beat everyone except the EURO! In yo face! Oh, and the Pound Sterling which sounds like it belongs in weight.
There you have it. I’ve demolished the last peaceful thing that distinguishes you. No shooting the iconoclast, now. Those bullets have a lot of potential energy.

Ways to save money during Christmas.

Christmas time may be a joyful and fun holiday that we all have in our minds, our heart, and our liver, but it can be stressful on some people. So here’s what three ghosts have to say about what you should do.

The Ghost of Christmas Heating says “for god’s sake, don’t waste heat.. Maybe your trying to boil tungsten, but seriously, lower the dang thermostat. Put a blanket over your house instead. You don’t have one? Okay, build a parabolic heat thingy (magnifying glass) and point it at your house. Oh, yeah. Don’t focus it to much. To costly? whine whine whine! These are ways to heat the house where you don’t need to use the thermostat! Maybe you should all do us a freakin’ favor and smash a molotov cocktail on your head. Don’t want to? Well boo hoo, peeps.”

The Ghost of Christmas Presents(not affiliated with the Ghost of Christmas Present) says “you seriously need to buy your kids an X-box 360. I know, they cost a lot, but it pays for itself in... 3 months. How? Well your kids might... go outside instead... and maim themselves while riding a bike! Now you gotta pay for your kid with special needs and that costs waaaaaaaaaaaaaaaay more than an X-box 360. Oh, yeah. Bikes have brakes. Well, buy an X-box 360 because then your kids will like you. ‘Oh, but I think you have millions of shares in Mocrosoft so then I would help make you rich which is the only reason you want me to buy one.’ Well that ain’t true."

The Ghost of Christmas Decorations says “You know, we aren’t stranded on an island, so maybe you didn’t need to build an airplane signal. Oh, That’s your house! HAHAHAHA! oh, that’s good stuff! You see, You got so much crap on your roof... mmmmph... AHAHAHAHA!! I mean COME ON! Your decorations are causing lights to go out all over town! I swear, your probably causing lights to dim... heehee... in Tokyo!! HAHAHAHAAAA! You know what, you know what... hehheh, that’s good. The Ghost of Christmas Heating would be proud... haha... because.. ahahaha... It’s probably cooking your house! AHAHA! I swear, if I had ribs, they’d be broken! Ok, I’m done."

bye

bye until january something - im going on vaction!
But first, a little song.

Oh christmas tree,
oh christmas tree,
lets cut you down and use you to make lots of houses or for firewood except nowadays everyone has gas fireplaces...

With the bush administration, getting ready to pounce,
And gas prices, rising to 3,000 $ an ounce,

Oh christmas tree,
oh christmas tree,
lets cut you down and use you to make lots of houses or for firewood except nowadays everyone has gas fireplaces...

Good ol' Libbie, got kicked out,
And peoples are wondering, what the iraq war was all about,

Oh christmas tree,
oh chritmas tree,
lets cut you down and use you to make lots of houses or for firewood except nowadays everyone has gas fireplaces...

Bush cannot explain anything,
The sound of defeat, is starting to ring,

Oh christmas tree,
oh christmas tree,
lets cut you down and use you to make lots of houses or for firewood except nowadays everyone has gas fireplaces...

Ok im done.

Robin Hood Panto!

So guess what I just did the last performance of the pantomime that I'm in. What's that? You say I should have posted about it earlier? Well I gots lots to tell.

For the dress rehearsalala,nanana,heyhey,doodoodoo we got to put on make up. As much as I like an excuse to wear makeup It's a real pain in the *** because you can't scratch your face. Luckily all I have to wear is blush and this other stuff that don do squat.

It's a Robin Hood panto, so the costumes are kinda excessive. I have 5 parts to my costume.

An you can do stage magic. If you exit stage left, you can go down the stairs doop doop doop doop doop, under the stage, doopa doopa doopa, up the stairs, bump bump bump, and enter stage right.

Now for: Act one, scene one minus songs. There are some changes in the play. remember, this is a spoiler. Don't read it if yall are gonna see the play.

(Opening song)
Robin: Here we are will, on the edge of Sherwood Forest. You know it feels great to be back on home ground.
Will: Well actually, Robin, I’ve had enough of being on the ground, especially at night. There’s always something sharp protruding in a sensitive area.
Robin: You should have unbuckled your sword.
Will: Well now you tell me.
Robin: I thought you liked camping.
Will: Camping’s all right - it’s the ground I can’t stand.
Robin: Your right, it will be marvelous to sleep in a feather bed.
Will: Personally I want to jump into a hot bath and have hot oil rubbed all over my-
Robin: I know, I know...spare me the details. After all that desert we crusaded through, isn’t it wonderful to be back in the woodlands? The majestic beech trees, the mighty cedars-
Will: The smouldering ashes...
Robin: What?
Will: Someone’s been burning the trees.
Robin: Oh, that’s just beetle kill.
Will: The houses have been burnt, too. There used to be a cottage over there now it’s just a pile of smoking timbers.
(Throughout the next section, the young outlaws appear and dissapear behind the bushes upstage.)
Will: Robin, do you get the feeling we’re being watched?
Robin: Out there, you mean? (Indicates audience.) No need to worry about them. Just a few creatures from up the valley.
Will: No, I meant back there. I’m sure I saw something move.
Robin: Are you certain? I didn’t see anything.
Will: (to audience) Did you see anything back there?
Robin: No, there’s nothing there.
Will: (encouraging audience to join.) Oh yes there is.
Robin: Oh no there isn’t.
Will: Oh yes there is!
Robin: Oh no there isn’t!
Will: I saw something back there.
Robin: Back there? Behind the BACON tree?
Will: Yes. You go this way, I’ll go that way.
(They approach the one bush where all of the young outlaws are now hiding stealthily from either side. As they are about to disappear behind the bush, they stop and retreat at the sword/arrow points of the young outlaws.)
Will: That was no bacon tree - that was a HAM bush!
Robin: Might we know who has bested us?
Sparrow (This is me on this Thursday and Sunday):We’re outlaws!
Finch: We’re brave and bold and brawny.
Will: And barely four feet tall!
Big Jhon: Size doesn’t matter!
Will: Ooohhh, I think we’d better put that to a vote (to audience) Those of you who think that size matters-
Finch: Stop that!
Will: Well that’s a shame because I was just beginning to enjoy myself!
Big John: We’re dangerous desperadoes.
Sparrow: And I’m the famous Robin Hood!
Finch: That’s not fair, you said I could be Robin Hood!
Sparrow: No, that was before, It’s my turn now.
Finch: Oh, all right.
Sparrow: And that’s Big John.
Big John: Size doesn’t matter!
(Old Mother Wise and her daughters come in)
Wise: Spare a crust of bread for an old woman and her starving daughters?
Robin: A crust? what is the world coming to when- wait a minute, I know you. Will, this is old mother wise!
Wise: Should I know you good masters?
Robin: It’s me, Robin!
Wise: Robin Hood? I thought you were dead.
Robin: No, I’ve just been traveling.
Wise: Same thing really.
Robin: No it isn’t! We’ve been to the crusades fighting the dervishes.
Will: Saracens.
Robin: Turks.
Will: Men with long, hard, bent, slightly twisted-
Robin: Scimitars?
Will: Those, too.
Hazel: Are you Robin Hood?
Sparrow: No, I’m Robin Hood!
Robin: No, that was before, it’s my turn now.
Holly: Are you really Robin Hood?
Honey: We’ve heard such a lot about you.
Robin: You have? Who are you?
Wise: These are my daughters, Robin. Surely you remember Holly Honey and Hazel.
Robin: Really!? The last time I saw you all, you we’re (indicates several inches above their heads) this high!
Wise: Well, it’s hardly surprising. We are close to starving.
Holly: Since all the good men wen’t away, the country’s gone to rack and pinion!
Robin: Oh, it will be all right now that King Richard is back.
Wise: Oh, has he come back then?
Robin: Haven’t you heard? He arrived in England months before we did.
Will: We we’re expecting to see him. He said he was coming to Nelsonham, that’s why I came here with Robin.
Robin: Come to think of it, we haven’t heard anything at all about him since we landed in England.
Wise: It seems he never made it...

Come see the show atleast a day ago to find out what happens next!

Alternative sources for oil.

Y'know, there's a lot of oil-hunting in Iraq right now. But we don't need to get oil there! We can get it from:
pastels
lamps
canola
linseeds
peanuts
hydrogenated soybeans
palm...s
soil (remove the s)
Venezuela?
pride. Everybody needs pride.
and freedom.
Iran?
Mars! We’ve been focusing on that! C’mon, peeps! There may not be water but there’s oil!
Pixie Stix. It’s edible oil from a sugar/oil refinery if you pur water on it. It can also be used as chlorine. And crack. Probably gunpowder, too.
seasme seeds
sesame street. No one’s drilled there.
wall street, too! Remember, the rich will get richer?
birds. Why not kill ‘em now?
Big bird! grab his legs! He’s got the oil!
So does cookie monster!
And the best of all... whales!

I don't have anything to say either...

...butcha don't see me using the copy and paste-ing about it. Instead, I'll post a contest. Try to figure out what this ad goes to. I actually did find this ad in the papers, but it just said Shop Kelowna. There's a song that fits.

oh, my thrifty one, thrifty one, when you gonna come and drive TO KELOWNA! It is not that far, not that far, why don't you come down and SHOP, SHOP, SHOP, SHOP, SHOP, YEAH! doo doo dee dee do, SHOP KELOWNA! doo doo dee dee do, SHOP KELOWNA!

start guessin the song.
I guess this is all.

crap!!!!!!!

i dont have anything to say.

So............... I'll post some stuff in morse code.

....---.--.---...-.-.-...--.-.-.-.-.--.---.-.-.-.-...----...--.----.--.-.-.----.---.---.-..-.-.-...--.-.-.-.-.-.--..--.-.-.-.-..-...--.----..-..---------.

Did that mean anything?

And now, for our featured presentation...

E. Coli E. Coli E. Coli E. Coli E. Coli E. Coli E. Coli E. Coli E. Coli E. Coli E. Coli E. Coli E. Coli E. Coli E. Coli E. Coli E. Coli E. Coli E. Coli E. Coli E. Coli E. Coli E. Coli E. Coli E. Coli E. Coli E. Coli E. Coli E. Coli E. Coli E. Coli E. Coli E. Coli E. Coli E. Coli E. Coli E. Coli E. Coli E. Coli E. Coli E. Coli E. Coli E. Coli E. Coli E. Coli E. Coli E. Coli E. Coli E. Coli E. Coli E. Coli E. Coli E. Coli E. Coli E. Coli E. Coli E. Coli E. Coli E. Coli E. Coli E. Coli E. Coli E. Coli E. Coli E. Coli E. Coli E. Coli E. Coli E. Coli E. Coli E. Coli E. Coli E. Coli E. Coli E. Coli E. Coli E. Coli E. Coli E. Coli E. Coli E. Coli E. Coli E. Coli E. Coli E. Coli E. Coli E. Coli E. Coli E. Coli E. Coli E. Coli E. Coli E. Coli E. Coli E. Coli E. Coli E. Coli E. Coli E. Coli E. Coli E. Coli E. Coli E. Coli E. Coli E. Coli E. Coli E. Coli E. Coli E. Coli E. Coli E. Coli E. Coli E. Coli E. Coli E. Coli E. Coli E. Coli E. Coli E. Coli E. Coli E. Coli E. Coli E. Coli E. Coli E. Coli E. Coli E. Coli E. Coli E. Coli E. Coli E. Coli E. Coli E. Coli E. Coli E. Coli E. Coli E. Coli E. Coli E. Coli E. Coli E. Coli E. Coli E. Coli E. Coli E. Coli E. Coli E. Coli E. Coli E. Coli E. Coli E. Coli E. Coli E. Coli E. Coli E. Coli E. Coli E. Coli E. Coli E. Coli E. Coli E. Coli E. Coli E. Coli E. Coli E. Coli E. Coli E. Coli E. Coli E. Coli E. Coli E. Coli E. Coli E. Coli E. Coli E. Coli E. Coli E. Coli E. Coli E. Coli E. Coli E. Coli E. Coli E. Coli E. Coli E. Coli E. Coli E. Coli Edit: that's it, I'm cutting back. It was kinda slowing (stopping) the loading of this page, so.... I have an excuse. -TPG

it snowed here too.

which is SUPA rare for seattlites.

So I'm here at the hospital, recovering from this wound that I got. By a werewolf like thing. And I decided to transcript the best thing ever. COOL THINGS:

Homestarrunner: Huh... Sittin on a couch is zero amount of fun when theres not a tv or hanglider in front of it.

Marzy: Well, then why don't you do something constructive? Like read a book; or write a novela.

Homestarrunner: Nah, I already did some writing today. And then I read what I wrote.

Marzy: Yay! Good for you! Can I see it?

Homestarrunner: It's right over there!

Marzy: Why did you write "Cool tapes" on my wall?

Homestarrunner: Uh, hello! Maybe it's because I like cool tapes?

Marzy: Well I hope you like cool painting, because this has got to go!

Homestarrunner: Mwa, mwa, mwa...

{new scene}

Homestarrunner: Say there Bubs! I need three cans of yella paint, and one pair of cool shades!

Bubs: Sorry, customor! I'm closed!

Homestarrunner: But you're standing right there! and I can see the yella paint!

Bubs: But I'm CLOSED! Layoffs, Cutbacks, you know the drill!

Homestarrunner: Oh... say bubs, can you steal me three cans of yella paint?

Bubs: I never pass down a chance to stick it to the man! Here you go! I slipped the shades in can #2!

Homestarrunner: Thanks Bubs!

{new scene}

Homestarrunner: I think I'll go bust out my new cool shades now! Cool, everythings all yellow and drippy!

Strong Sad: Hey Homestar.

Homestarrunner: Oh, hey dripping yellow madness.

Strong Sad: What? I'm Strong Sad! Dripping yellow madness moved away after the 5th grade!

Homestarrunner: Look, I'd like to argue the fact that you are, in fact, dripping yellow madness, but this paint and i have a date with a wall!

Strong Sad: I wish I had a date with a wall.

Homestarrunner: go for it! Here, you'll need these.

Strong Sad: Oh!

homestarrunner: And uh.. good luck tonight! Click click! WHAAAAAAAAAAHHhahahaaaaaaa... I'm at the bottom of a giant pit...

Strong Sad: Homestar, take of those stupid shades!

homestarrunner: Yeah, I should probably return these things.

{new scene}

Homestarrunner: Lemme get my money back for these cool shades!

Bubs: Little closer homestar!

Homestarrunner: Lemme get my money back for these cool shades!

bubs: sure! You gotta reciept!

Homestarrunner: Uh, no. The sales represenitive, sold me these sunglasses, free of charge. I believe, his name was stan.

Bubs: Stan! I fired that guy after the 5th grade! Well, if you dont gotta reciept, I can only exchange it for something of lesser or much lesser value. And the only thing that qualifies is this!

Homestarrunner: These'll do! These'll do just... fine!

{new scene}

Marzy: Ok boys, lets take it from the top.

Homestarrunner: What in Pete Sampras is going on here!

Marzy: You took to long, so strong mad, the cheat and i formed a band, called cool tapes.

Homestarrunner: Oh really.. and just what kinda... music do you play!

Marzy: Well here, we'll show you! We only have one song, and its not quite finished yet, but.. here goes. Ready boys? One two three four! Cool tapes are cool, they're where it is, at! Cool tapes are cool, and we like it like that! Cool tapes! Cool tapes! We like to get it down, with a bunch of cool tapes, like to get it down, with... um... um...

Homestarruner: A bag of four grapes?

Marzy: A baaaag of four grapes!!!!!!!!!!!!!


THE END.

Wizards in Winter!

Yep, it's snowing every day now, and we're just entering December! I'm think of either calling it Winter Wonderland: where dreams come true or Winter Wonderland: where liquid nitrogen freezes. The first one is sentimental and lying, and the second one has never been tested. I'm gonna choose the second one.

There was also the bake sale today, just like every Thursday. We left it out after recess, and I was phobic about people takin’ ‘em. But we had spies. Someone did try to steal a cupcake, and then the security cameras all went “weeeeeooooeeeeeoooo” and the loudspeaker went “intruder alert” and there was red flashing lights and then a BaSPro(Bake Sale Protector) team came through with rubber bands and metal rulers so the guy didn’t end up stealing it.

We also had shots. not double shot espresso, not mug shots, but shots for Hep B, Chicken pox and Meningitis. When people came back from the Hep B shot they had turned big, green, lost all clothes but their pants, stopped using articles, and called themselves “hulk”. When people came back from the chicken pox shot, they had the avian flu. All bird related diseases all the time, yeah. But from menigitis shots, they turned into spittin cobras! It’s kinda weird since Meningitis it spread through spit. Speaking of spit, do you notice anything in the word SPrITe? Don’t drink sprite. First of all, it only has lemons and limes. 5 Alive has that, orange, grapefruit and mango. and, not lime.

Physics lesson!

Today: A bullet made of gold and that was in the Curse of the Were-Rabbit. First of all: Gold is kinda like Play-doh, except much more valuable and doesn't go dry. Therefore, if a gold bullet was fired out of a gun:
1. Would it become flat with the air resitance?
2. Would it hit you, and give you a bruise, but flatten itself?
3. Would it go right through you and kill you? I don't know.

I watched this thing on T.V. that was a Canadian spelling contest. They had words like "synapse" that nobody could spell. C'mon! Spend more time with your dictionaries. The spelling guy says "schizophrenic" and the contestant says "Can ya use it in a sentence? and he says"as a matter of fact you can. You are sentenced to three years of treatment by an asylum for being schizophrenic" and the contestant says "No, not as in life sentence, although that was helpful. Can you use it in a sentence? and he says "Where are the earnings? Kiddin. The real sentence is: Try not to become schizophrenic after this contest." and the contestant says: "s-k-i-t-s-a-f-r-e-n-i-k" and he says: "Get off the stage."

puffel in, piffel down, and the rest.

Yep, I know the onion. seen it, heard it, bought it. I think everyone has.
So... thanksgiving was on thursday. And... it tasted good. Except the turkey was charcoal.
Uh oh... I sense something moving. I hope it's not that werewolf I tried to kill yesterday.
Gah! Silver bullet! Must gjtewt silvler buyuttl=et hes lgot mee hel[ ]hgjh gmm,////.j, m.j/////////jddh

Ok, don't spazz.

Anyways, I need to tell you 'bout a thing called the onion. It's funny. It's America's greatest news source, but we're in Canada and it's still good. How impressive is dat, huh? It says that Ashcroft is a werewolf and Kim Jong Il (that last thing is not a two, it's an I and an L) is a giant robot. Oh, an guess what. We already had Thanksgiving! So there! *Razz* I also watched that schfifty five thing a lot. It's all "do ba baada, do ba baada, do be dop, do be dop, do be dop, shiggity-shwa! Schfifty five!
Now for the snowboard that solves crimes... SUPER SNOWBOARD! Faster than a snowboard standing still! More powerful than a ski pole! And able to jump over big ol' crevasses without falling in. Penciled by: Tom Morrison|Penned by: Maria Fortis|Inked by: Marcus Edwards|Markered by: Melvin Reese|Colored by: Arthur Goff|Lettered by: Vincent Dubrow|Patted Dry Because It Has A Lot Of Ink On It Now by: Wayne Anderson|Edited by: Richard Pearce|Story by: Mike Newell|Arrow'd! by: Arrow Guy|Credits by... Jessica Wilkenson! It's fabulous Jessica Wilkenson even though she lives in an apaaartment! La la la do da dee...
Guy on Snowboard: Hurry up, super snowboard! Those anonymous drug dealers are getting away!
Super Snowboard: I'll catch 'em just like always! (It glides ahead, a big hand comes out, and it throws snow at them) Now for an avalanche! (the hand turns into a big fist and pounds the ground, an avalanche starts and the anonymous drug dealers are trapped)
Guy: Yes, we got 'em! Oh, no! We're heading straight for a cliff! We're gonna die!
Snowboard: Negative. I have a rocket. (They fly over)
Guy: We did it! I'll put you right here...
Snowboard: ok. (The snowboard starts to slide away) Help! I need you to control me, Guy!
Guy: Where are you headed?
Snowboard: At a suspicious lookin car!
Guy: You need to ram into it cause then you'll destroy it and keep the criminals that are probably there! You can do it!
Will the snowboard hit and explode the car? Will it get crunched against the side? Will I throw more endless possibilities in your face? Get the next issue of... SUPER SNOWBOARD!
And that's a myth I heard. If a snowboard can go through a car or not. Will somebody tell me?

I'M NOT WITH YOU!!!

'Cause they need to make a Kicking Harry and the Wallis and Grommit of Zathura! That way, Wallis and Grommit fans would get to see their favorite movie mixed with those three. It'd be exactly the same as Kicking Harry and the Goblet of Zathura, except everyone would talk in stuffy british accents. And... there would be lots of rabbits everywhere. And Lord Voldemort would be replaced with a fat guy named Lord Victor-Mort. He'd wear a toupee shaped like a rabbit. Yes, what fun!
In other news that don't have to do with merging four good movies and coming up with a crappy movie, today Shmebb... stared at a lava lamp for like, 5 hours. Seriously man, those things are awsome!!!!
So... today I was watching americas next top model.
WAIT!!! DON'T KILL ME YET!!!! IT WASN'T MY FAULT!!!!!!! IT WAS JUST BECAUSE THERE WAS NOTHING ON AND MY SISTER WAS WATCHING IT!!!!!
So everyone was like, "Oh crap, I'm 0.0000000000001 pounds over weight." And, "Oh crap, I'm missing an eyelash in that picture." And, "Oh crap, my nail polish is a tiny bit faded."
And then the judges were like, "Ha ha, you were 0.0000000000001 pounds over weight." And, "Ha ha, you were missing an eyelash in that picture." And, "ha ha, your nail polish was a tiny bit faded."
And in the end the judges voted off some girl because she had a wart on her foot that wasnt even visible because she was wearing tight and uncomftorable shoes.
And the entire thing was like, completely stolen from "Survivor." Instead of "Tree-mail" they got "Tyra-mail." Seriously, the whole thing had an eerie chill, like when you're on vacation and Jeoprody comes on at 7:00 instead of 7:30.
So, should I stop talking about movies and TV shows? Yes. I'll just say one other word.

THANKSGIVING-IS-TOMMOROW-SO-WE-GET-4-DAYS-OFF-WOOHOO-AND-YES-THIS-WAS--ONE-WORD-HA-HA-HA!!!!!

Kicking & Screaming & Harry & Potter & the Goblet of Fire Review!

I’m not doing 2 full length reviews for a while, jeez!

Kicking and Screaming: a dysfunctional team makes it to the top through good practice. Pretty good.
Harry Potter & the Goblet of Fire: A movie based on the book but with major parts taken out with a grenade launcher and Dumbledore doing things for effect. Good too.

So what do you get if you mix Zathura, Kicking & Screaming, and Harry Potter and the Goblet of Fire? You get the same result as putting nuts ‘n’ gum in a cuisinart and microwaving what gets made. Nah, you get : Kicking Harry and the Goblet of Zathura! It’s a movie where a team of soccer players are chosen from 3 schools to compete in a contest which includes hedge mazes with meteors, a swimming challenge where you can get attacked by zorgons and have to rescue your freind/astronaut, and alien dragons who work in a butchery. You have to kick your ball through the end goal in each challenge to comlete it. That butchery part was in Kickin ‘n’ Screamin.

They need to make Kicking Harry & the Goblet of Zathura. Or at least some video game of it. Especially if you throw in a little Legend of Zorro. Maybe a pinch of National Treasure. And some onions! I'm sure it would sell like hotcakes. Ooh! Especially if it smelled like hotcakes! Who’s with me?