Well Well...

Got access to this blog again after only like, 40 years...

I'd kinda like to apologize for all the crappy posts I made... E. Coli. Oh boy. There's only so much humor you can get from that subject. Meaning, zero.

In other news, I have a different blog now. monodreams.blogspot.com. Check it out.

Tribal Dating

I got this new game and it’s called Tribal Trouble and what you do is make warriors and try to defeat the other tribe.
Avaliable for purchase at http://www.garagegames.com/products/77/
But there was this funny thing that happened involving two online players, Xena and Guest2459. Whenever a person goes online in this game and they are not registered their name is Guest followed by a four digit number. So I made a game and there is a chat thing for the people who are waiting for the game to start and this is basically what happened. My name is zimbobway btw. I will omit other people who were talking.
Guest2459: Xena
Xena: what
Guest2459: Xena i like u
Guest2459: well love
(these people do not know eachother in real life.)
Xena: are u a girl
Guest2459: will you be my gf
Guest2459: I’m a boy
Xena: I’m a boy
zimbobway: hmm.
Guest2459: oh
Guest2459: I thought you were a girl because of your name.
Xena: well I’m a boy
zimbobway: Can you please click the ready button so we can start?
Guest2459: do you have a sister?
Xena: yeah
Xena: she’s 13
Xena: and I’m 12
Guest2459: I’m 13 too
zimbobway: This is not a dating place.
Guest2459: I need a new gf
zimbobway: I’m going to kick you if you don’t click the button
Xena: kick him
zimbobway: a’ight.
Guest2459 has left the game

So the moral of the story is don’t treat an online game where tribesmen kill each other to dominate the island as a dating service.

2.0

Blogger 2.0: This be the reason I has not been posting. They want you to use your google account well guess what I don’t have one but I do now. Maybe people remember the post in which I nearly escaped the Corpse Bride movie poster fungus? Well google is becoming more and more like that. First they devour youtube an in the time it takes for google to say “pass the salt I need salt on all the websites I’m gonna eat” they eat blogger too.

iPod 2.0: The iPhone! It has an iPod, a Phone (didn’t see that coming), wireless internet, a camera, 3.5 inch screen, pocket knife, flashlight, sleeping bag, and a water bottle but those things are compressed into a singularity in order to save space. I also think if you download the new software you can use the iPhone to create natural disasters.

Name 2.0: I changed my name! After discovering that thepizzaguy/thepizzaman is not uncommon, I changed it to Johnny Pieguy but my real name is not John. I wonder if I have to use a different restroom or change classes at school now.

Music Library 2.0: I have new music from Weird Al and this one band called AudioBody. It is not Audioslave, I heard their music and can’t figure out why they’re popular. But that is a matter of opinion.My favorite song Clock Tower is by them so see their site at audiobody.com now.

BoWD 2.0: More like 5.0. I kinda want to read some depressing history books because that is the opposite of Because of Winn-Dixie. Ggghgh. I don’t want to hear that sequence of words after having the book read to me, listening to it on audiotape, reading the book myself, doing studies on it at school, and watching the movie. I did not choose to do any of these things (#s 1,3, and 4 are school caused, 2 and 5 were with my family), but I didn’t feel like resisting. I need to watch it in hologram next. So I’m now doing an air raid skit based on this!

The city of Naomi Florida I guess wanted to bomb us for no reason, because this morning there were these planes that came screaming over our house. One dropped a sentimentiary weapon on us so I had to get out of the house before I became too nostalgic. Then a helicopter equipped with an M134 minigun modified to shoot Littmus Lozenges comes and started firing at me and I took shelter under a tree.
“Oh no it’s sweet and sad at once!” I said.
Then came Otis leading Naomi’s 6th infantry which consisted primarily of animals and they wrecked up the place.

And you know what! I’m not doing anything about Ithaca. I’m sorry, I have given up trying to remember stuff.

Oh my gosh golly goo gah this is the best post of '07!!

So bored... Well our ski resort is open again. I’ve tried a few new trails. yay. Thought I should mention that.
Presents
1. It is a game of trade. A game of warfare. A game of extortion, bribery and threats. Sounds serious? It is... Killer Bunnies and the Quest for the Magic Carrot! It is one of the most complicated games ever: 6 12 sided die, 165 cards, and some smaller cards labeled cabbage, carrots, and water. And that’s just with blue and yellow decks. There are nine others each with 55 extra cards. The violet booster deck contains a card calle “Chocolate-Covered Anti-Matter Raisins”. What is that? The red one has “Quite Irascible Diffractible Cheese Balls” In the very later ones, the day and month that you are playing the game on matters. Yes, it’s complicated.

2.It is a game of crates. It is a game of planning. A game of thinking, tipping, and crates. Tip over crate game! It’s made by the same people who made Rush Hour. There’s a red guy and he needs to tip over crates to get to the red crate. He can’t touch the floor because he is allergic to floors. He can’t jump because his feet are glued together. So who knows how he got into a warehouse.

3. iPod nano whoo. Now I can listen to music everywhere!You all know what iPod nanos are.

4. The End. It’s the last book in the series of unfortunate events. I have not read it yet because I need to read the Penultimate Peril before understanding what happens which I just did. Some of Mr. Snicket’s analogies irritate me. “Choosing the right thing to say is like choosing the right ingredient in a sandwich.” Stop.

5. A pocket knife. Pocket knives are useful. This one has an LED and a compass.

6. Some new shoes which is good because my old shoes were falling apart. They’re brow and sorta fancy looking and sprayed with Silicone.

7. Some candy.

Obituaries

1. The name’s Brown... James Brown. Oh noes that’s too bad he died on the 24th. Not feeling so good like you knew you would now, eh? It was the man’s world... or something. R.I.P.

2. The name’s Hussein... wait that doesn’t work. I am indifferent on this.

Emo time.

There’s a lot of things I have to get off my chest, I need to talk to people, I really need to talk I just really need to talk I just need... to talk. Number 9... Number 9... Number 9... Number 9 sorry. So if you could read this, that’d be great. Lately things have been really difficult. I’m just tired of being The Pizza Guy! My name is not The Pizza Guy, it is Cheese Pizza Guy w/ peppers the fourth. And this is really hard, I don’t usually talk to people, but you have no clue who I am! I could be a mobster in my spare time and now I’m going to stop sounding like a sleazebag talking about myself. This was another parody of this video minus the starving african children.

Ithaca? Oh, yeah. There was this jiant turtle made of rocks (terraforming project) and it had plants but you can’t see it on Google Earth so don’t try. There were also these building that on New Years Eve lit up certain windows to spell the last two digits of the next year. Also cool.

DOUBLE-YOU EMM DEES

Well if you guys are not truly devout to my blog (traitors) you have probably seen other big blogs like Eschaton and the poor man and Corrente launching a halfhearted war against eachother by posting music videos on their sites and then saying “we took out this army with this” and then a guy sings an 80s song. If it hasn’t ended yet: welcome to the world of WMDs. Yes, I am ashamed to post this link on my blog and shall only advertise wholesome things like eepybird (those guys who made the coke & mentos fountain) and homestar runner from now on. Click on this link if you dare:. (It’s the period.) gosh, won't be doing that again. Alright, if Eschaton is Saudi Arabia, and the poor man is Lebanon or something, and Corrente is Afghanistan and Talking points memo is Iraq, and... Fafblog... is Madagascar... then this site is Iran as far as weaponry is concerned, and assuming that Iran does have nukes. I was informed by Knox's Korner Download Knoxkast episode 25. They are taking action by spamming the forums. Sign up as a user on thou shall not be named’s site as somthing along the lines of brooker sucks because she does.

When I tried to add some stuff about Ithaca on my past post it didn’t work so here it is now. In Ithaca we went to a store like a supermarket (able to jump other buildings in a single bound!) and there was a calendar and it had pigs on it! There was, like, replicas of paintings and still life and there was this one with a pig in a spiderman costume for December and it was cute and creative and cool. The three Cs.

Clay Fast Food 1:2 scale.

I ordered some snacks. McDonalds should switch to clay for higher quality ingredients.

(It's a cheeseburger). Pretend the things on the top are sesame seeds not rice.

Fries w/ ketchup packet.

In Ithaca we went to a store like a supermarket(able to jump other buildings in a single bound!) and there was a calendar and it had pigs on it! There was, like, replicas of paintings and still life and there was this one with a pig in a spiderman costume for December and it was cute and creative and cool. The three Cs.

A-maized and Corn-fused.

Do you like corn? I like corn. Corn is cool. Corn corn corn corn corn. I like butter with corn. Corn comes in varieties. On the cob, off the cob, as paste. You an on the cob person or an off the cob person? I personally like corn on the cob. Makes for more even butterings, although you go through napkins faster. Yeah corn on and off both have their good sides. Corn is grown in huge crops that can be seen from other planets. Speaking of other planets, circles appear in corn crops sometimes, supposedly aliens landing in the corn. Complete load. Corn is a huge export to many countries so that they may corn out on corn and probably fetches huge bucks. Corn is made into popcorn by corn tycoons such as Orville Redenbacher and the people from ACT II who must get big supplements of corn. Corn is even being made into a corn fuel for corn cars. Corn is the future of corn. I mean Earth. Corn.

In Ithaca I think I drove past a cornfield or two on the way to the cabin. The cabin was nice and big and we all went tromping in the leaves. Behind the cabin I found two shovels and I whacked trees with them. There was also pizza being cooked and it was good. It probably had corn in it.

Celebrity Worship

I’ve always wondered what this phrase meant. We don’t go to mass to sing hymns for Tom Cruise. He’s just in a bunch of flashy tabloids. You all know what I have to do to make fun of this... flip it! (you’ll see what I mean) Headlines:
Zeus splits up with Hera! Aphrodite drops cupid on his head! (She is bad at parenting). Quetzalcoatlicue wedding! (That’s a combo of Quetzalcoatl and coatlicue, like tomkat or bennifer) “Inti tried to save my son,” says Omecihuatl. Ares walks in on Athena!
Taken from the cover of the nonexistent magazine Deity today.
If you spend your time researching gods like some weirdy weird weirdo person you’ll notice that I only did Greek, Roman, Aztec and Incan gods. There are a couple thousand gods at godchecker.com.
You may find the names of several Aztec gods if you spill a Scrabble box on the ground and stick the word coat somewhere. I bet in a thousand years people in the future are gonna be like “Aztec civilization carried on with towns named after gods such as Albe..quer...que and Schenectady until they died out from straining their jaw muscles trying to pronounce their own damn name.”

At the cabin which wasn’t in Ithaca but in Pennsylvania there was a tree drilling operation going on. And it wasn’t just a bucket hanging on a nail! No, it was a whole series of tubes from tree to tree and there was no one around. My how the human race has made vast technology for syrup production. But you know, maybe we aren’t concentrating enough on orange juice(no pun intended) or the cooking of toast. Or maybe we’re wasting our time on BREAKFAST EXTRAVAGANCE and not spending time on things that people ACTUALLY CARE ABOUT!!!!! Also, why do americans think they can make maple syrup? They challenging Canada’s skill? Oh, it’s on.

The boxochox conspiracy thing.

Another email check, this time real, guess what I got:

1) New York City has 11 letters
2) Afghanistan has 11 letters
3) Ramsin Yuseb (The terrorist who threatened to destroy the Twin Towers in
1993) has 11 letters.
4) George W Bush has 11 letters.
This could be a mere coincidence, but this gets more interesting:
1) New York is the 11th state.
2) The first plane crashing against the Twin Towers was flight number 11.
3) Flight 11 was carrying 92 passengers. 9 + 2 = 11
4) Flight 77 which also hit Twin Towers, was carrying 65 passengers. 6+5 =
11
5) The tragedy was on September 11, or 9/11 as it is now known. 9 + 1 + 1 =
11
6) The date is equal to the US emergency services telephone number911. 9 + 1
+ 1 = 11
Sheer coincidence..?! Read on and make up your own mind:
1) The total number of victims inside all the hi-jacked planes was 254. 2 +
5 + 4 = 11.
2) September 11 is day number 254 of the calendar year. Again 2 + 5 + 4 =
11.
3) The Madridbombing took place on 3/11/2004. 3 + 1 + 1 + 2 + 4 = 11.
4) The tragedy of Madrid happened 911 days after the Twin Towers incident.

Now this is where things get totally eerie:

The most recognized symbol for the US, after the Stars & Stripes, is the
Eagle. The following verse is taken from the Quran, the Islamic holy book:

"For it is written that a son of Arabia would awaken a fearsome
Eagle. The wrath of the Eagle would be felt throughout the lands of
Allah while some of the people trembled in despair still more
rejoiced: for the wrath of the Eagle cleansed the lands of Allah
and there was peace."
That verse is number 9.11 of the Quran.  Unconvinced about all of this
still?
Try this and see how you feel afterwards, it made my hair stand on end:
Open Microsoft Word and do the following:
1. Type in capitals Q33 NY. This is the flight number of the first plane to
hit one of the Twin Towers
2. Highlight the Q33 NY.
3. Change the font size to 48.
4. Change the actual font to the WINGDINGS
What do you think now?!!

Now about the last thing, Q33 NY does not exist. and snopes said that to disprove this, World Trade Center, Washington, and the White House do not have 11 letters(although they all start with W), and “we try to create patters where there is chaos.” You can also manipulate this:

Date of the attack: 11/9; 11 - 9 = 2 
Date of the attack: September 11 = 1 + 1 = 2 
Year of the attack: 2001 = 2 + (0*0*1) = 2 + 0 = 2 
September 11th is the 254th day of the year: 2 + 5 + 4 = 11 = 1 + 1 = 2 
Telephone country code for Afghanistan: 93   9 * 3 = 27; 93 - 27 = 56 = 5 + 6 = 11 = 1 + 1 = 2 
World Trade Center: 2 towers 
World Trade Center attacked by: 2 airplanes 
Each airplane: 2 wings 
The first plane to hit the towers was Flight 11: 1 + 1 = 2 
New York = 2 words 
The Pentagon = 2 words 
Ramzi Yousef = 2 words

This blog has something weird, too:
Chocolate has 9 letters
Five Alive has 9 letters
Rock opera has 9 letters
plane trip has 9 letters
paintball has 9 letters
Evolution has 9 letters
50 caliber has 9 alphanumeric characters
Abridged Ithaca Trip has 18 letters, 1+8=9
Blog age = 14 months 1+4 = 5
Blog posts = 126 posts 1+2+6 = 9
Also: 126/14 = 9.
Blog started in september (9th month)
TPG & Shmebb have 9 letters together
Instead of bottom 10 I have bottom 9.
Blog started on 265th day of year(Exactly 100 days from end). 2 from 6 plus 5 = 9

Now go into your text editor and type “CAESAR”
change the size to 48
change the font to webdings
What do you think now?

“I’m thinkin there’s construction going on in a city and there’s a stadium in the desert and they’re building railroads.”

Fine.

In ithaca I read a special effects book and it told how, like, that scene in true lies(you know the scene I'm talking about) the bridge was miniature, but it still looked cool, and then creating the pirate ship battles that we see in movies sometimes, And making wind and rain and waves and run-on sentences.

Rock opera

Checking my email, I got this:

The Pizza Guy,
I think it’s high time you composed a rock opera. You simply owe it to society. What should it be about?
That’s up to you.
Best wishes,
Anonymous Contributor

Gambier, OH.

(And then I make fun of his name)

OK, back on task. To tell you the truth, you guys have already heard mosta my rock opera. I've been composing it over the last year. It's simply entitled "CHOCOLATE!” And the lyrics consist of one word from each of Shmebb’s and my 125 posts! Now, it may not make a whole lotta sense but when have I ever backed down from a bad idea, right? Now let's get this train wreck a-rollin'!

(Drums, electric piano) I sliced doughnut gas for the important elements problem. Wizard ninjas building Iraq pidgeons turkey sugar are delivered internet binoculars. Puzzle seemed squishy ordinary bounce anvil tanks wasps DUH!!!!!! (Remove piano, add in electric guitar) Garlic planning telekinetic pirates, Ottawa beach cascades toilet cookie sandwiches. (Soft piano melody) Emerald magazine is disgusting whiner correct! Frank counting bedroom thought nachos mermaid weapon. (sad sticatto piano) Ducky swimming forklift crobar sleep on robot babble. Tornado grenade rabbit drug charcoal resistance. (Techno) liquid qualifies anything figure chlorine robin firewood millions million trillion house monster iPod cola. (Slow electric guitar) Eggplant caviar FZZZZT books laser had publishing muscle, smoking gasoline likes juice lazy tokens battle snipe! Addictive airport seismogram chewed biology marijuana chicken hosted marriage. (Add synth, speed up tempo) Fooled party! Ambassador trigger mileage CO2 shop umbrella THORAZINE things. Fit this humor balloons, (nix guitar) spinning hummingbird cake tomato rolled... CHOCOLATE!

Bravo! Encore! Encore! Ándale! Ándale! Arriba! Arriba! {typing} Thank you! Thank you! Yes, the rave reviews are already pouring in. Not really...

By the way, I copied this.
I also noticed I could have typed cookie, toilet, liquid, and chlorine several times.

Now for Ithaca: we played a game called Whoonu where you guess what people like and they unbiasley rank your guess. There were thing like "staying up late" and "ice cream sundaes" Who doesn't like those, right? It was made by Cranium who I guess were tired of doing the same old game to death over and over.

Abridged Ithaca Trip

Okay I promised in mid-october that I would tell you about my trip to Ithaca, NY. So I’m going to now. All right? good.
First we went to spokane, then we flew to phoenix (I can spell!*), Then we flew to Philadelphia(I can spell again!) and THEN to Ithaca. Exciting. Well I can’t remember all of it, so I will say things that I do.
My cousin had this 20 questions thing that you could play against and it would get whatever you were thinking of right most of the time.
We went to this cabin and it had a taxidermied black bear in it.
I rolled a big rock down a hill.
I am sorry I can’t remember anything more! I also don’t see any parodies I can make or anything! The trip was good but I just don’t remember it! Tell you what, I will post something short about this trip at the end of every blog post for a while.

*Words to study:
Alberqueque(?)
Murfreesboro
Schenectady

Tribute to second post

Filling the quota of one post a month, I quickly wrote this song, parody of Fruit Salad by the wiggles:

Caesar salad
yummy yummy
Caesar salad
yummy yummy
Caesar salad
yummy yummy
yummy yummy in your tummy Caesar salad

Let’s make a Caesar salad right now
Don’t worry I’ll show you how
This salad will bring in a crowd
Julius and Agustus would be proud

The first step, start with romaine lettuce.
The second step, mix the parmesan.
The third step, add lemon juice, egg yolk,
olive oil and put black pepper on.

For some pizzaz, add these ingredients:
Worcester sauce, crutons, or bacon bits,
Avocado, tomato, garlic or chicken,
With something this good it’s your plate you’ll be lickin’.

The first step, eat up the whole salad
i’m not kidding, that’s how you eat a caesar

You really thought there was more, well there isn’t
But if you want, I’ll give you a teaser

Now weve eaten a caesar and I’ll bet you’re hooked,
Well top it with ranch dressing and then you’ve booked
all your time for eating this cuisine,
You’re a salad eating machine,

Caesar salad
yummy yummy
Caesar salad
yummy yummy
Caesar salad
yummy yummy
yummy yummy in your tummy Caesar salad

Caesar salad
yummy yummy
Caesar salad
yummy yummy
Caesar salad
yummy yummy
yummy yummy in your tummy Caesar salad

Caesar salad
yummy yummy
Caesar salad
yummy yummy
Caesar salad
yummy yummy
yummy yummy in your tummy Caesar salad
Caesar salad!

1 YEAR ANNIVERSARY!!!

Wow! Historical moment! New Holiday! Must I go on? Well, we’ve done about one post every three days, on average, which is what I’m aiming for. That rate will probably drop this year. I made this blog a cake and it said I could have it. So it’s gone now.
I went gliding last sunday. You didn’t. And my blog had a one year anniversary. Yours didn’t. Work harder.

Part 4: Monday! MONDAY! Mondayyy...

I got on another plane and this time I was flying with some humming bird! yay!
I felt safe. Then I watched Countdown To Ground Zero, which is not the most calming thing to watch on plane, but because, you know, we had a hummingbird painted on our rudder, it was okay. And I ate chinese food. And now I’m stopping.
linky!

Part 3: The light at the end of the tunnel system.

This is part 3. I traveled to the magical land of DC. I can’t remember exactly how I got there. Anyway Bethesdians came and greeted me when I got out of the car and- oh look! We ran over the wicked witch of the east who for some reason was hanging around the Northwest corner.
“You didn’t run over anyone,” said my sister.
That explaines how these ruby shoes which aren’t actually ruby but are still painful got on my feet. Suddenly the Good Witch of the North came out and she definitely wasn’t my grandmother. Nope.
“Hello, guys! come on inside,” she said. I think.
“I’m not a wizard at all.”
“I didn’t ask if you were.”
“So I go to the the Red Line subway to find the wizard of DC? ok, can do,” I said.
The next day I was going took the subway to the smithsonian... area.. place, and I came to a transfer station.
“Follow, follow, follow, follow, follow the Red Line subway, lalalala-which way do I go? I don’t know!”
“We’re taking the yellow line to the Mall,” said my dad.
“Woah! Did you just talk to me?”
“Yes...”
“Wow! A talking ticket dispenser!”
“I’m your dad.”
“Do you want to join me on my quest to visit the wizard of DC?
“You mean to the Mall?
“Ok, great! You can come along and get your new microchip, and I can get home.”
So I’m walking to the Mall when an empty cup on the ground is asking for a drink. So I spit it it and it thanks me.
“Why are you talking to an empty cup?”
“So you need a curly straw because every other cup you know has a curly straw and you don’t wanna feel left out? Well, I’m sure the Wizard can give you one. We’re going to the White House to visit him.”
“We’re going to the Natural History museum, not the White House.”
So we go to the Natural History museum And we’re saying the same thing over and over about lions and tigers and fish, oh my when a gazelle jumps out at us! And I tell it to stop when it starts crying and says “Sorry, I’m not really animated. I really do need a cardiovascular system. Do you know what It’s like being a mannequin?”
“No, I don’t believe I do.”
“It’s terrible. Can you do anything?”
“No but the Wizard can. We’re visiting him.”
“Thanks.”
But the evil witch lady is watching with a powerful telescope from Science and Technology Museum! And she sends her flying... planes... to get us. And were unconscious from heat sroke perhaps. When I wake up I’m in a flight simmilator! Oh noes!
“I’m gonna spin you around!” says evil witch lady.
“Why? What is this acheiving?”
“I don’t know, l just like spinning people around!”
“Wait a secwhaaaaaa! wheeelalalalalalaohyayIshotatankaaaaa...”
The flight simmilator skims the ground and brakes and the witch is impaled with a peice of metal. I’m not. Then me and my and my new freinds go to some restaurant.
“Hey we never got our stuff,” says the drinking cup.
“You guys had that stuff all along.”
“Oh, ok.”
Coming up next on... Sunday!, sunday, SUNNDAY.
Part FOUR of the extreme miniseries of the trip to the coast! THRILL as we sit in a plane for several hours with no snakes or guns at ALLLLLL. Watch in horror as we make another stop at Denver, and I eat CHINESE FOOD. Stay behind after the blog post for a link to a video about COKE AND MENTOOOOS. Whoooocokenmentos!!

Eagles Mere, the town that everybody who isn’t living in it forgot.

We followed my uncle Brett in our PT cruiser but quickly lost him because he did not check if we were behind him. Turns out, he was D.W.C (driving with a cellphone) and got in a call with some odd person. We got to Eagles Mere(a town) anyway. Forgot to mention this was for my grandfather’s 80th birthday. Then when we got to the house granddad was there and this was supposed to be a surprise but we were told to be there. So we went down to the beach and my aunt told us to tell all our other relatives that we had not seen him but they had been told to say they had and I think they did so they were all “he wasn’t there?” and we said “yeah.” and of course granddad found out that everybody was here in Eagles Mere which was the surprise so granddad was told to act like it was a surprise so both sides were acting! There was no audience! It was stupid but everyone was okay with it.
Fast forward, lalala, ok. I can’t really remember what happened next. I think we went to a fundraiser for the fire department. all I did was play this penny toss game where you had to throw a penny onto a board of numbers and they gave you the amount of pennies equal to the number that you landed your penny on. And it can’t touch more than one number, too. Forgot that. Once I almost got the center 15 but it wasn’t entirely on. My cousin Andrew was good at it, though. He started out with 25 cents and got over a dollar. whooooooooo yeah forget lotto I’m playing this.
The next event I’m gonna tell you because my brain can’t put stuff in chronalojikal order is sunfishing. Maybe that’s what the sport is called. It’s where you go on sunfishes and try to shoot eachother with paint pellets out of a C02 powered gun called a marker. Except that second part is not done often. Although naval paintball would be awesome, we didn’t have any markers. So we just went sunfishin. I saw a guy who capsized and I was rodl(rolling on the deck laughing). later that week I went canoeing. Yeah.
Next Event: Water War Wone(one)! It was Me an’ Andrew vs. Colin an’ Thomas. It was the Penultimate Showdown. Second to this. Andrew, being the guy who will grab any opportunity wheathor or not it is fair, gave them the deck in the backyard because ‘It’s high up”. And it was, but since they could not go in the house, there was only one way from deck to ground besides jumping. He was also gonna make it three hit lethality since we were playing w/ water balloons and he got hit several times (once in the head) but he kept on fighting. Also we had a sling made of surgical tubing. It didn’t really work at short range, though. We don’t know who really won.
I know this came last because it just did. This time we went to some golf place and got our picture taken with the entire family. Then there was a celebratory dinner. And I had probably a quart of rootbeer. Yay me. And some other stuff. chicken or sumpin. To continue the games, Andrew, Colin and I got straws and had spitball fights. Shotguns came soon(Multiple spitballs). I wanted to make a tommy gun, but that meant too many straws. Mleh.
Maybe this came last. There was all these canoes with sets and people would act out things on the canoes and It mostly revolved around the group of no parking signs that were put up around the beach. And that really ticked people off. I guess.
There were some other minor things that I did but you won’t hear about them. Next is Part 3. Surprise! Part 3: The light at the end of the tunnel system.

Part 1: Mile High Cities and Terror Levels.

I traveled the world! Of North America. Inside the U.S. Yeah. So I went to Spokane and stayed at the Travelodge and I watched the Titanic. It was just stitting in our room so i decided to look at it for 2 hours.. No. It was on T.V. and our T.V. got crushed. No, again. The MOVIE was being brodcast on HBO or something. Enough with Travelodge. The next day, we parked our car in long-term parking and went to the airport, and there was this new requirement at security check! NO leequeeds. Hmm, odd. Anyway, Oops, I packed a knife and forgot, so we had to check my bag. $#*&!
I never ended up using it, that’s why I’m angry.
After about an hour we got on to a ƒ®Ωπ†¡∑® plane. Frontier is a weird airline. The planes have animals on their tail fins. When we were airborne snakes got everywhere oh noes! but then Andrew Jackson saves the day yaayay yaayay doo do doo, doo do doo, doo doo doodeloodel loo de doo. juth kidding. I did want to see Snakes On a Plane on a plane (ƒ®Ωπ†¡∑® has T.V. screens) but they didn’t have it. phleh.
When served my free Sprite looked at the network of flight paths on the napkin and it’s crazy b-cause cities that I would expect to have lots of air traffic like NYC, Seattle, or Chickago don’t, and DENVER of all places connects with about 30 other cities. I suppose that’s wise because after planes land in DENVER then they can glide to wherever the next destination is, which in our case was LaGuardia. It’s funny, airplane cabins are pressurized to match the pressure at 3000 feet above sea level. I think. When we land in DENVER, the greater pressure is on the inside. While waiting at the DENVER airport, I’m watch the news about a Heathrow terrorist attack, and that some ß@5†å®∂z tried to blow up several planes over the Atlantic with liquid oh I’m sorry leequeed eexploseeves and I thought oooooohhh now I get it why they banned liquids. It works on like, so many levels. Such dry humor. I’m sorry wet because the explosives were liquid! Hahahahaha wait now I’m sad because it involves terrorism *sniff* but if we never saw the T.V.s we never would have known because we hardly had any delays.
So we flew to LaGuardia which is now Hotel LaGuardia with free rent and public rooms. A lot of delayed-flight people are staying there. We got on a shuttle and when we got on the bus driver said that there was no flights going in our out for the next few hours. Oh, burn, Hotel LaGuardia patrons! Losers! Losers with a H for Heathrow! It was a result of wheathor(weather). You know why? ‘Cause if you turn wheathor around, it’s heathrow. Heathrow for Loser!
Enter(sur)prise rent-a-cart center has interesting cars. We rented some PT cruiser thing and drove it to Rumsen, NJ. If it’s supposed to look retro... keep workin on it. Now, maybe I’m used to a car with good mileage(I am) Or this thing sucks. It got maybe 20 miles to the gallon on a good stretch of road. To hummer drivers who are getting 20 gallons to the mile this is great, But our car (toyota) gets at least 24. When we arrived at my uncle’s house, dad pressed what he thought was the lock button on our car remote which was actually the panic button. The car alarm went off. At 11:00 PM. Luckily it turned off after a few seconds.My Uncle has a dog that, if you pet it once, he’s gets in your lap and starts licking your face. I guess he’s social. Random filler.
This post may contain Knox Korner references and will have to be searched before boarding.
Coming up next is Part 2: Eagles Mere, the town that everybody who isn’t living in it forgot.

Finished w/ a capital F that rhymes with..

I am in a play! I’m special! I have a private trailer. Not really. It’s invisble. But the play’s over now. Can you guess what it was?
You: Yeah. We have ESP.
Me: Really?
You: No, you rube. Tell us.
Me: Oh, that burn cut deep. Well, it was the Music Man. The Music Man with a capital T, that rhymes w/ P that stands for Pyro. Never mind getting the C-4 mailed or the napalm burned or the... ok im losin it. It’s just that there was this new falling sand game called Pyro sand. Google it.
You: google is not a verb.
Me: Go away. Back to TMM. Bloopers include:
During shipoopi: He’s his Shipoopi!
Zaneeta: (Talking to Tommy) Papa, it’s Tommy! instead of (Tommy, it’s papa).
Being friggin elephants backstage.
That’s all I have for bloopers. Now I’m gonna tell you why Lida Rose creeps me out
Lida Rose I’m home again Rose
(why are you talking to a flower?)
To get the sun back in the skyyyy
(Omagod why isn’t the sun in the sky! Help! Ahhhhhh! We’regonnadie we’regonnadie!)
Lida Rose I’m home again Rose.
(again)
About a thousand kisses shy.
(You... have a graph?)
I’m gonna stop there. Too scary.

Calllgarrry... Calllgarrry

Alright I went to Cargaly Carlgay Calargy Calgary! That’s it. Two weeks ago. It was a school paid trip and the entire class went. Since the trip is too big to fit into a blog post, I’m only going to do the interesting stuff.
Wave Pool: Now I know how New Orleans feels. I got hammered by wave after wave of... waves... yeah.
Science World: Science again! I said Science again!
Calgary Zoo: They had hippos! Go hippos!
Calaway Park: There was a coaster and I went on it and I was like S word S word S word S word S word S word because I got that weird G-force feeling. They also had a dozen bumper cars and I like bumper cars so woot and I got high on cotton candy.
Lazer Quest: Adrenaline Rush Hour! I kinda wish we played games where we had to touch bases because I like games with strategy and not just mindless killing.
Ok that’s it. Go away.

Cool. I'm Twelve.

I’m exactly twelve! wooooootza! I was born at 1:43 on the Atlantic coast and it’s almost 10:43 here! Now I can do things like... 12 year old... things. Send me a present.
Off topic:
SUMMEROMG111R0X0R$ROFLOLYaY!11WTHEY35CeLsIuS!
w000000000tç@|\|ad@d@yFIREWORKZKBZZZZZhPoweeeeeeeoooooooooow......
BOOM. OMGLMAOROFLafel is weird.
RPS-25! Play it! Now! http://hallpass.com/media/rps25.html

Didn’t get stung.

OkaysotherewasthisspellingbeeandIwaslikeomgwtfamigoingtodopassout?youknowcauseiwasinitandfirsttheyhadthegrade1scompetingagainsteachother
andthatwasanadrnalinrushandIwasinsixthgrade.Sowhenthesixgradepeople
(meand5otherpeoplewhowerebraveenough2puttheirassesuponstage),
competedforabout20minutesIwonbecauseIwasabletospelldisinfectantand
I’mthinkingtothepersonwhocameinsecondhowthehellcanyounotspell
disinfectantit’sfonetiklyspelled.
I’mlikewooooooooimnothighanymore.theadrenalinisadrug.
Iwaslmaoontheinsideatmycompetitors.SoIgotamedal4that.
thentheyhadthegrade12n3winnerscompetingagainsteachother.
thegradethreepersonwonwooooosuprise.
Thentheyhadmecopmeteagainstthegrade4n5winners
andimlikeohbleepbacktobeingonTHORAZINE/CRACK.
Sobeinghigh,IhadtroubleformingwordsandI’mgonnabet
thatthespellingbeewasmadethatway.
IwonwithchrysanthemumwhichIlearnedfromCalvin&Hobbesreaditpeople.
SothenIhadtogoagainstthegradethreepersonwhowonandIm
likeyouevilpeoplethisisn’tfairandtheysaidwellyourgonnahavetotryand
I’mlikenoImeanforher.AndtheystartlaughingnoI’mjustkidding.
TheymadeitsothatifshegotawordwrongIwouldgetawordfrom
thegrade8listnotthegrade4list.Sotheysaytoher”biology”andIsaythatsonHERlist?!?!?!?!?OhcrapwhatsonmylistwellturnsoutwhenshegetsbiologywrongIgetpirouette
Istartemotionallyhoppingaroundshootingbulletsatthe
celingoutof50calibersbecauseIcanspellit!
SoIgotagiantwoodthing!I’mstilladrenalinizedfromit.
Ever wish you could win a spelling bee? Spell the above post without looking. You are now prepared.

Sick, Sick, Sicks.

Okay the apocalypse happened a few days ago but since I have the knowhow to survive things like this, I survived. For those of you who did... not... survive, here are some tips to help survive the next apocalypse (100 years from now.)
-Get vaccinated with St.Peter approved Triple-sixlenol. Helps fight pestilence and relieve headaches.
-Build a bomb shelter out of solidified lambs blood. It will be passed over by hungry dogs. Definitely. Wait I meant the four horsepeoples and god.
-Get a toad-proof umbrella.
That’s all. And there’s scaffolding outside my bedroom window! That too! Ha! In your face!

Traflagar day!

Weeeeehll... I went to Trafalgar, the local junior high, i saw how it was inside and got hit by a pie! It was a special time called Orientation day, where we learn ‘bout junior high (all work and never play). But it looks like Trafalgar is betterthan that cause it has vending machines, constantly using overpriced snacks to keep you away from greens.
and I’ll stop rhyming and it has metal shop, wood shop, cooking, fine arts, and... walls. I cant really remeber anything else.

My sister graduated from some Girl guides thing.

I have now played paintball atleast 8 times.

I got a paintgun. (nyah nyah)

I got a Tac-5 Recon paintball gun. It’s camo, which MAKES IT COOL. I gave it to Kalen, and he was going crazy with it but I was able to turn the safety on before he did any real damage. But he is crazy. He nearly shot a car. I was like oh my my my paintballs hit me so hard makes me say “oh my lord” Kalen has got the gun and I would say he’s havin fun. na na-na-na, na-na, na-na don’t touch that okay you get it. But yeah I’ve also got a C02 canister with me which is under maybe 3000 psi. So I’m dangerous now. In the words of Zoidberg: No, world, you put your hands up!

caterpillars on the streets.

My sister and her friends have a juice stand set up, and they seem to be making a profit. But then Luis and Kalen (wannabe wholesalers) come up and offer them some juice for some big amount. When my sister and her freinds said no, they offered to take over the stand. When they said no again, The guys went and set up their own juice stand which does not currently exist.
And people are FRIGGIN’ DRILLIN’ UP THE FRIGGIN’ STANLEY STREET! I MEAN CATERPILLARS! THEY JUST RUN OVER IT CONSTANTLY AND USE THE ASPHALT CRAP TO BUILD A COCOON AND TURN INTO BUTTERFLY CARGO PLANES!
Inevitably Earth Day happened, And you know what I did? I went down to the dump in my hummer limo to get rid of plastic! ‘Cause it’s bad and non-byeohdeegrayduhble! Oops they got sucked out of the open window (creating air drag and resulting in worse mileage) So I guess they’re gone now. Which reminds me, I read about this extremely-realistic (I mean similar to real life, not life-like graphics) RPG in which resource use is a factor. Check it out at http://www.gaminginparadise.com

Tales from the field.

I went paintballing for my first time on Monday at a speedball field. I think it went okay, except that everybody was a few years older than me. All but two people probably weren’t seasoned players. The other two (let’s call them Pepper and Oregano) were seasoned and probably both had Flatlines (a special gun). Pepper had a gun where he could set it to 3 or 6 shots every time he pulled the trigger, or full auto. Oregano was on my team (there were teams of two) and usually got the other two people out w/in 20 seconds. I did better than I thought I would do at defending myself inside those... 20 seconds. Shut up. BUT the only person I got hit by was Pepper, who could hit you right now if he wanted to. Yep. Yes he could.

The Chair Army

A few days ago my sister broke the right armrest of the only chair at the dinner table with armrests. And the chairs have decided that this enough.
Private Johnson: General! What happened to your armrest?
General Peterson: It’s that girl again. Luckily it can easily be fixed with rubber cement. Now this has been the most recent and serious attack as of today. After the series of food spillages, we are now going to send an ambassador to speak with her. Commander Dillon, take this down.
Commander Dillon: Yes, sir.
General Peterson: Time, uh, elevenhundered and forty eight hours. Dear unidentified girl. Your latest attack has not been recieved well. Therefore, we are sending an ambassador to you to reach an agreement. If he comes back harmed, we will have to stop you by force.
Very Sincerely, General Peterson of the Chair army.
Ambassador: Should I get a nice finish for the occasion, sir?
General: Yes. Make it intimidating.

WH2O

When I was driving to Whitewater (the skiing place), I noticed that there were maybe 20 hitchhikers on the side of the road. For their help I have written the Hitchhiker’s Guide to Whitewater. Far out in the end of the Western lift of the Ski Resort lies a small unregarded white ski way. Bordering this ski way is an utterly insignificant little blue square trail who’s skiiers-on are so primitive that they still think weather resistant watches are a pretty neat idea. This trail is called Jackpot. On this trail is a lodge which a guy named Arthur Chip lives in. His lodge is about to be destroyed by some other skiiers who need to build a snowmobile route. But then the Fogons come along and destroy Jackpot entirely to make a snowmobile highway...?. Just in time, Volvo Prefect (from a planet somewhere in the vicinity of Tramline, another trail,) comes along and beams himself and Arthur Dent into one of the Fogons’ helicopters. Once they are found, they get dropped into an avalanche. Avalanches, the Hitchhiker’s Guide to Whitewater says, are big. You wouldn’t believe how big they are. It also says that if you are stuck in one with a lungful of air, you can survive for about 30 seconds. 29 seconds after Volvo and Arthur were caught in the avalanche they are picked up by the Heart of Lead, a helicopter stolen by Baphod Zeeblebrox, the president of Whitewater. After accidentally landing on Huckleberry, the fisrt trail to invent the grind rail before the... um... tree... Billian, a guy who Arthur Chip met at a dress party, is taken away by the Fogons. Then the group goes to Blast, a double black diamond trail, and home of the Fogons. They rescue Billian with some beuracratic forms, and finally go to Concentrator (a trail) while on their way, they have two shells launched at them and evade them by turning them into a bowl of petunias and a grizzly bear. This is what the grizzly bear thought in it’s entire life.
Ah! What’s happening? Who am I? What is my purpose in life? What do I mean by who am I? What’re these white flakes going past what I’m suddenly going to call my body? I’ll call it... snow! Is that a good name for it? and what’s this thing that’s coming towards me very fast? So big and sloped... It needs a rolling, sloped name...ll...ill...hill! That’s it! I wonder if it will be friends with me? *thud*
So they goes to Concentrator to get to a portal which takes everyone except Arthur to a supercomputer named Shallow Thought.
“Oh Shallow Thought. We know the answer to the question of life is 21. What is ultimate Question to skis, the Mountain Range, everything!
“Sorry I was watchin TV” says shallow thought.
“Well that sucks” says Baphod.
Meanwhile Arthur is getting a tour of Jackpot 2 with Slarossignoltibartfast, and employee of a company that is in the buisness of making trails. And the mousies try to take Arthur’s brain! But he kills them and everyone goes to the Restraunt at the End of the Mountain Range.
Is WH2O pronounced waych-too-oh?

Today I died.

Aprill fools! I had you so fooled! You were all like oh no, The Pizza Guy’s dead! And I’m all like hah no I’m not!

Cheezie time.

Wow, I haven't posted in forever. It's because I've been doing claymation again. The only thing I'd like to know is why isn't bush doing anything about lesbian marriage? Is he sexist? wassup?
Also he sold some ports to some Arabs which is kinda bad cause USA is at war with those kindsa people. It's as bad as Cheezies or Funyuns. Ooh, now you're scared.
Guess what? In 2 days, our blog will be six months old!

The Oscars.

I’m a slow blogger. That’s why I’m telling you about the Oscars today. Jon Stewart hosted it and that’s kinda the only reason I watched it. What did people win? (I really don’t know how to spell these peoples’ names.
Most accented film:
Kera Knightley and Russel Crow in This isn’t SFX.
Best supporting girder in a full length bridge:
That one steel girder in Amelia Earhart Memorial Bridge.
Best Electricity:
Wires of a Geisha.
Most Utensils in an Actress’s name:
Resse Witherspoon’s daughter, Knife
Best Time-lapsed Film:
A Buncha Flowers Grow Really Fast.
Best Inanimate Feature:
Carbon Rods and Cryogenics.
So that’s it. Oh, it’s hard out there for a pimp...

You're not gonna believe this...

I’m a member of the FCC! That’s short for Frozen Chicken Club. It’s at school. To join, you have to be taken down to the boys’ bathroom by someone who is already a member or trainee while touching all the obstacles on the way to the bathroom. Then you lift up one of the tiles in the ceiling, and there’s a frozen chicken. If you can’t see it, you didn’t touch all the obstacles. But if you can, good for you! You’re a trainee now. To be an official member, you have to take someone down to see the FC, and then they become a trainee.
On the 15th of every month, we have something called the gluestick ritual. In the gluestick ritual, you smear glue (from your gluestick) on your right hand and do all the obstacles. Since most of them are on your right, your hand will fell very weird after doing all of them.
But I’d rather be a member of the real FCC. Their job is to watch TV and what they like goes on the air. It’s a tough job, but somebody has to do it.

Dick Cheney Shot A Guy In The Face!

Well you’ve probably heard that Dick Cheney shot a guy in the face now. But let’s move on to more important stuff like how Dick Cheney I mean I just shot I mean got a guy in the face I mean a gigabyte of stuff on iTunes!
Tonight I interview Dick Cheney on this.
TPG: Nice to have you here, Mr. Vice President.
DC: No prob.
TPG: Is the media hiding anything from the public?
DC: That depends on what you mean by hiding, TPG. If you mean the kind of hiding like, what kind of shoes I was wearing then yes, they-
TPG: That sounds very interesting. What kind of shoes are you wearing right now, Mr. Vice President?
DC: Sketchers.
TPG: Wow, I should really be covering this.
DC: Yeah, well, as I was saying the media would be hiding something if they didn’t say what shoes I was wearing. But if they said that I might have used an RPG, then they would not be hiding anything.
TPG: You used Runescape to shoot the guy?
DC: No.
TPG: You used World of Warcraft?
DC: No, I used a rocket propelled grenade.
TPG: Oh, ok. Now I heard on the news that alcohol wasn’t a factor. Does this mean marijuana was a factor?
DC: Dunno. I can’t remember.
TPG: I’m guessing it was. Well now we should take a break from this depressingly boring topic to talk about the Olympics. Mr. Vice President, I understand you entered your country in the Olympics?
DC: Yeah. We were in the top three.
TPG: So were we. But that’s great. It is. This is what the media should be focusing on.
Along with that ant on the ground.
DC: That’s a cool ant.
TPG: Yep, it is.

"Science" Fair

Hey! Our school had a science fair! I didn’t know that schools actually... did that. But there was first, second, and third for each grade (1-6) I got 1st place for 6th grade along with fifteen dollars. Time for another worthless guide on... HOW TO MAKE THINGS FOR SCIENCE FAIRS!!!!!
1. You DO NOT want leetspeak on your poster, unless you are doing some weird experiment on leetspeak. I don’t wanna know.
2. Have your info organized in columns. Like roman columns. Mmmyes that would get you a prize for originality.
3. If your project has something to do with vinegar and baking soda, let me tell you right now... that Drano and citric acid work way better. Why are you looking at me like that? Thought I was gonna say something else?
4. Cahler Mono-chreaume. I’m sayin it weird because you don’t know what it is anyway so you won’t care. But it’s when you have like, black and gray and white, but you also have another range of one color, like blue. So you could have black, dark gray, turquoise, indigo, off-white. All that stuff.
5. Paste a bunch of scientific diagrams that have nothing to do with your project on your poster.
6. If it’s biology, just... just... forget about it. It is hard to transport, you’re not gonna do your variables right, and everything living will die. Like, in the world because your project is so bad.
So that’s all I got as far as what to do. Let’s see what people did.
-Music fo’ plants: Black Eyed Peas or 50 cent?
-What eggs rot the best?
-Vinegar & Baking Soda: A study in foamy stuff.
-This Isn’t About Reverse Psychology
-The Meaning of Life(not done yet)

Our Homestar Runner References

We’ve made a lot of homestar references. Here they are, maybe changed a little.
1. To take revenge, he starts singing "Boulavard of Broken Dreams" to you. [Ahh!!!! Your ears!!! It hurts so bad!!!]
2. [Ok little man,] you think you're so smart with the government?...
3. The pieces will blow up, [sending you to the moooooooooooon!!! Fluffy Puff Air-Puffed Sugar Delights! That's right the moon! Try all new Fluf]..... oh sorry. I got off track.
4. [Long pants, Strong Bad! long pants! Everybody Everybody! longlong pants!]
5. Ok, [this interview is OVERRRR!!!!!!!!!!!!!]
6. I can set a record, too! [I'm gonna set the world record for puttin' nine pieces of chewed gum on my face and singing the "I'm Just Me" song while hoppin' around on one foot!]
7. OK, [THIS NEWS REPORT IS OVVEERRRRRR!!]
8. [And that's the end of my post! donk.]
9. [Jammin on the one, jammin on the one! J-J-Jammin on the one, jammin on the one!]
10. [P4wned! PØned! Or however u say that!]
11. [justice rocket booster rocket rocket fire!]
12. [Aw, that’s too bad. I guess I’ll just go on home and- pyong-pyong-pyong-pyong-pyong! So long, suckers!]
13. [I wike candy!]
14. [A little to the left, come on, come on. Back to the right, shake it around!]
15. I’m working on this [awexome] Zathura movie review.
16. I’m sure it would [sell like hotcakes. Ooh! Especially if it smelled like hot cakes!]
17: [Arrow’d!] by: Arrow’d Guy.
18: “[Where are the earnings?] kiddin.”
19: The “it snowed here too.” post is a transcript. I can’t post it here.
20: For the dress rehearsa[lala,nanana,heyhey,doodoodoo] we got to put on make up.
21:This whole “bottom 10 or 9” thing.
That’s one reference every 4.76 posts! What kinda rate is that?

My Bottom 9

I decided to post my bottom 9.

#9. Making a big deal over tenthennial, centennial, millenial, etc. stuff. This is why I’m only doing my bottom 9. Wait, is the next post this blog’s hundredth? AAAAGH!

#8. Songs with comprehensible lyrics.

#7. When people call things that aren’t universal universal. (i.e. Universal Health Care, Universal Studios)

#6. Boom-boom trucks that can give weird seismograph readings.

#5. Not... pastafarians. make fun of intelligent design. Worship the FSM. Funny stuff.

#4. My horrible Tostito addiction.

#3. Those pickup truck ads that show the truck getting close to no traction. Especially if they’re boom boom trucks.

#2. Movie trailers that show clips where the characters are “commenting” on the trailer.

And the number one thing on TPG’s bottom 9 is... when people count down like this: ...3...2...1...1 and 1/2...1 and 3/4... and so on. Because after you reach one, you count up. ONE AND A HALF IS MORE THAN ONE YOU STUPID PEOPLE. And I am talking appropriately in second place. You have done this. Everybody has done this except for N.A.S.A. when they launch a rocket. Hey, can you imagine that? “T-minus 3, 2, 1, 1 1/2, 1 3/4, um, igniton. or blast off. I should push that button now.”

A Podcast that rocks.

It’s the Onion Radio News! They’ll have something funny and obsess about it and usually someone will call in “over the phone” and say something funny. Subscribe already, damnit! Some titles iclude “Many Americans suffer from Pork Deficiency” and “Fun Toy Banned Because of Three Stupid Dead Kids”. Now I’m gonna try to copy them.
It’s the WBOC! The Castlegar airport is being an insufferable prick for cancelling flights due to fog. The Pizza Guy reporting. The Castlegar airport is being a wuss for cancelling many flights because of fog recently, keeping many people in/out of the airport instead of where they need to go. Not only is this cowardly, it's annoying. Common flyer Mike Johnson: “I had to be in Portland at 3:00 sharp, but now that my flight’s delayed I’m late. Geez, what a bunch of homichlophobic jerks.” Luckily for the annoyingly obsessive airport, it’s the only airport around, which forces people to take buses or sit is the waiting room for long periods.
The Pizza Guy for the WBOC.

The Castlegar airport is actually doing this.

Tostitos smoke you.

Well the weekly bake sale at school is going like the NYSE. Cupcakes are gone before the end of first recess. In fact I bought 200 shares of Brownie Co. and that’s just me.
So anyway we had one of our many classes about the evilness of smokes and tobacco and crack and Steven Harper and how Bush and Steven Harper are gonna spend Valentine’s Day together. But there is one thing more addictive than all of these put together... TOSTITOS.
They talked to us about how Tostitos are so addictive that you have to be chained to the wall to stop eating them and that the“oh I’m not gonna be addicted” promise is usually not kept.
They also told us that you can get so addicted you end up eating 2 whole bags a day which will take a chunk out of your salary.
The problems with Tostitos are that they taste so good that you feel dizzy and can hardly breathe. But then you have to eat another because they are so addictive. You end up going to the hospital because you have conumed so much tortilla and salt you got dehydrated and they impaired your breathing, not because they are in your lungs but because there are so many in your mouth. Gee I wonder how they got there.
They also told us not to snort Five Alive.

Marshmallow Napalm!

Good news. I designed an automatic marshmallow machine gun! It needs plumbing parts, a fan, and marshmallows. now I need to put one of those sinper things on it so I can snipe people. Maybe I could redesign it to hold those big marshmallows which in marshmallow bullet world = 50 kaliber bullet. Failed smore marshmallow (flaming) = rocket. And that marshmallow stuff that comes in a jar = napalm. Fun fact! Napalm = gas and soap, but just because it’s soap doesn’t mean you can wash yourself with it. You shouldn’t.
There’s countless possibilties of things to do when firing marshmallows.

Stickman war.

This stickman fight has stickmen dying in every way possible. If you search "unglued battle" on google, it's the first thing on the first page.
Unglued Battle
Yes, this was short.

Charlie and the Popcorn Factory

Well I watched the new Charlie and the chocolate factory in school for the second time. And the brazillian student and I had a popcorn eating contest in which we nearly choked. How can I smush these two things together... I know! Oompa loompas stuffing themselves with popcorn! Wait, no. Other way around.

“I, Orville Redenbacher, have issued five ordinary bags of popcorn with five gold tokens in them. The people who get these tokens are eligible for a tour of my fine factory for a day. At the end one of you shall receive a prize beyond your wildest dreams. These bags may be in any shop in any city of any country in the world.
Till then,
Orville Redenbacher”

Okay so that’s what it says on the back of the bags of popcorn. Now of course the people who get ‘em have to be a fat kid, a spoiled kid, a straight-A kid, a video game obsessed kid, and a poor kid. Oh, popcorn!

Lazy Sunday

I am tired today. Here's something to describe my lazy sunday which I didn't make. Here's more stuff.

forget the Januarathon.

But I still like January! Oh, you should like this, Shmebb. I got to handle raw hamburger meat. guess what disease I was risking...
That's right, E.coli! Burn on you heh heh gakk *falls over dead*
Guide to making siphons out of juice boxes:
1. Poke a hole in the top, not where the straw goes.
2. Put the straw where it goes.
3. Suck juice through the straw (remember, no air can be in the straw)
4. If it is dripping continuously congrats. Put it on someone's desk.
5. Run away.

This also works with gas tanks.

Heh heh...

Man, even the XP likes me!

Hydrogeeen.

Well I saw an argument on the Mythbusters forums that was like “which is safer as fuel in a car, hydrogen or gasoline?” And then some guy’s like “Oh, hydrogen is way safer because it can’t burn” or some bullcrap. And then 20 other people say “Remember that thing called the Hindenburg?” and he says “yeah, but the flames went upwards and the people died because they jumped and the 20 others are like “yeah, whatev. Hydrogen is a gas combustible with a single flame, and gasoline, in some cases, won’t ignite at all” and a physics guy says “you need to turn the hydrogen into liquid for it to be a worthwhile fuel, which means pressurizing the tank to about 3 grand psi (CSI) which means if it ruptured it would explode purely because of pressure, and if there was an open flame then it would ignite and burn the car. If you can imagine these on the freeway, imagine each one exploding.”
So let’s take a poll. Which do you think is safer, hydrogen or gasoline?

The water park must be an allegory fer something.

Man, I need to post. I know! I’ll post about the water park I went to about a week ago. It was inside this hotel called the Holiday Inn Express. You might not have heard of it (sarcasm). The reason I haven’t been posting was because I was working on a claymation. But back to the water park. First, there was this big bucket that dumped a ton a water every 5 minutes or so. Some people wouldn’t wait for it, some people would wait there for a while, others waited there forever. So it’s basically a religion. The peeps worship the bucket. Now we have to talk about something that’s like smoking. If you wanna go on the water slides (the blue one powned) then you have to walk about three stories up while inhaling annoying amounts of chlorine gas. One time I felt light headed. You also have to have a double -tube to go on the blue one, so double -tubes get monopolized.I figured it waddnt woth it.
Several times I was in the wave pool and it was fun, but I also wanted to be under the big bucket when it dumped. I thought “I’ll just stay in the wave pool a little longer.” But of course it dumps. Time for me to join that religion.

New Years Resolutions

I resolve to lose weight.

That is one of the most popular New Years Resolutions ever. I'm posting this now, because this is about the time people actully make their resolutions, or stop them. Anyway, here's some tips on how to keep this resolution.
This is possibly the worst one you can ever choose. Espesially since you have about 12 dozen Christmas cookies left over and that fruitcake Aunt Bertha gave you. But you shouldn't eat that thing anyway. Use it as a step-ladder.
Ok, anyway, I wouldn't lose that weight - I'd turn it into muscle. With Arnold Inc.'s new.... TRANSFORM FAT INTO MUSCLE-ANIZER 2000... 6!. (Not to be confused with the Transform fat into muscle-anizer 2000... 5!).
What it does is squeezes the fat out of you through your ear holes, then turns it into rock, then inserts it into your body. Better then Rock-Hard muscles, it's actully rock! Then again, you die, but... who really cares anyway?
Another way is to read "Julius Ceaser". Er... however you spell it. You'll be craving salad so much, it'll be intoxicating! So you'll get a gas mask and get killed by it and get chopped up by some guy named Seymor and fed to a giant man-eating plant! Just like the dentist dude from Little Shop Of Horrors!
Well thats it. See ya'll.

snow!

Wow. So you didn't fotoshop that. Or mess the letters up. It was a pure coincidence. That belongs in Ripleys.
GWR Team: No it belongs in Guiness World Records!
Shut up guys. Well yesterday rocked first I played in the snow and then there was an abandoned snow fort and I went inside and it ruld and now Knox should be publishing movies soon wich also is great and now I don’t have to articulate my thoughts! Blah bluhbluhhhhhguh.
Waaaaaaait a second. First, why would a pork place sell chocolates. And what the hey is a Shmebb? And since when do restraunts use signs? I hope you didn't use one of those sign generators.

Pictuuure

I just had to post this:

The stegasaurus was right.

Nothing happeneddededddededeededded. except I made some big snowballs and rolled ‘em down the hill. But here's the link for the original Killer Queen lyrics, and here’s what I thought they were, modified to resemble words. (My version of Killer Queen does not have the last verse):
She keeps ‘em away in summer in her pretty cabinet,
“Let them away” she said just like Mariantoinette!
Feelin remedy to solve eternity
And anytime an implication you can’t hide!
Caviar and cigarettes
Just like my etiquette
A store in holdin my rice
chorus

chorus:
She’s a Killer Queen
gunpowder, turpentine (I thought turpentine was pronounced that way) dynamite with a laser beam
Guaranteed to boil my eye
Anytime

Cut your man for apple pie
It’s like she wore and never tried
For the sty.

To avoid complications she never kept her singer dress
In conversation she spoke just like a baroness!
Middle man China
Conjucation finer
Been away the cineplex
If that way inline!

If you keep askin me for tax,
she is a baroness
The setgasaurus was right
chorus

Cut your man for apple pie
It’s like she wore and never tried
For the sty.

gurgle...

And here's to you... Reverend Robertson... Jesus doesn't even watch your show.... no no no...
God's ticked at you... Reverend Robertson... Heaven only waits for those who pray... for you to go away... hey hey hey...
(NOTE: Sing that to the refrain of "Mrs. Robinson").

Had to post that. So... I've decided to post my bottom... 10!

10. Those books that adults write for kids about kids but it doesn't sound like a kid wrote it because it was written by an adult. (Doesn't make sense!)

9. You're lying in your nice soft bed, nodding off, about to fall asleep when... *twitch*. GAH! You body suddenly... spasms...s... and you're wide awake again.

8. That one night when we were all sleeping in a hotel room and my sister had a really clogged up nose so the entire night I got to listen to:
*Hauaghhalghhalakajghhhlaghhjagh...*
*Phewwwwooophewwowoooophew...*
*Hauaghhalghhalakajghhhlaghhjagh...*
*Phewwwwooophewwowoooophew...*

7. The high-pitched whine that babies make.

6. Gettin' to good ones now! Uh... people who try to be funny but definately aren't funny so you're just thinking SHUT UP!

5. Anything that has to do with Brittney Spears.

4. Anything that has to do with Hillary Duff.

3. Anything that has to do with Pop music altogether.

2. Alfred Hitchcock movies. Especially "The Birds".

1. Drunk, republican snowmobilers.

Freaky Saturday

Q: So i’m asking the questions now?
A: Yep.
Q: So you said you’d have revenge on me. What is it?
A: I was going to bug you with song lines.
Q: I don't care.
A: mmm.
So I’ve decided that I’ll post about the previous day in the Januarathon. This means you’ll see a post on Feb. 1.
Well we got a brazilian kid with us. One of many who’s coming to Nelson. And when we turned on a heater there was a short! short circut! and for those of you who thinks a short just blows a fuse, get with it. it went FZZZZT and there was a big thing a light. No fire, though.
Also people at school made a 3’ diameter snowball. We’re wondering wether it should be the snowman’s head or his little toe.

Killer Queen!

Q: So what’s that song yer listening to?
A: Killer Queen.
Q: Can I hear it?
A: No.
Q: Fine. What’s it about?
A: It’s about a Killer... QueeeEn. Gunpowder, gelatine, dynamite with a laser beam!
Q: Whatever. Where’d ya get it?
A: In my pretty cabinet, let them eat cake she says, just like Marie Antoinette!
Q: No you didn’t. You got it at the iTunes Music Store. I was testing you.
A: Damit.
Q: How much did it cost?
A: A buck. Recommended at the price. Insatiable an appetite. Wanna tryyyy?
Q: I ask the Questions. See the Q?
A: Yeah. In conversation, you speak just like a baroness!
Q: Will you shut up?
A: Maybe. Ask me another question.
Q: Is it a good song?
A: Man, you’re slow. Of course it is.
Q: I need to know where you live so I can hunt you. Where’s your house?
A: To avoid complication, I never keep the same address.
Q: AG!
A: I can invite you over for Moet et Chandon, caviar, and some cigarettes.
Q: You don’t even know what Moet et Chandon is, you hate caviar, and you don’t smoke.
A: All true. But at anytime an invitation you can’t decliiine!
Q: You don’t know how hard I’m trying not to drive you over.
A: For cars I couldn’t care less.
Q: That’s it! Tommorow I shall have revenge!

It's January 4th. It's January 4th. It's January 4th

Or as the French would say: janvier du qatrete or somethin. Well I went back in time to January 4th to post! yay! I had to hunt down the January monster. I won an eggplant for it. So it’s January 4th. Notta lotta excitement.
Oh, but if you put dish soap in the microwave it gets bubbly real fast.

Xplosive Dcompression

Sorry about the car. I’m glad they didn’t light it on fire. But time for safe pyrotechnics:
So you take a can o’ co-co-cola or some carbonated rejuvenating beverage, shake it don’t stir, then you dig a hole or some other dip in the ground, you put some sizzers or some other sharp implement in the ground with the blade up, then you drop the can a co-co-cola on it and it goes shpop. It works on the principle of explosive decompressomblahguhhhhhhhhhhh....
Then you don’t listen to the rest because you don’t wanna hear it.

Yes, I'm alive. Unfortunately for you guys.

Guess what?
What?
No I'm not going to tell you.
No tell me!
No.
Yes!
No.
Yes!
No.
Tell me!
No.
C'mon!
No.
Please?
No.
73|_|_ |\/|3!
Stop talking in l337! And ok, fine.

Our car was vandalized! They smashed the door open, and stole everything, and then threw the car into a ditch. And sprayed gasoline all over it and then lit a match and threw the match onto the car and started a forest fire.

Just kiddding.

But they did smash all the door windows. All 4 of 'em. We were up in our cabin in Idaho, and dad foolishly parked the car on the side of the road where plently of snowmobilers drive by. Theres lots of snow up there, and LOTS of snowmobilers. Over 200, at least.
It may have been because we had a "Howard Dean" bumper sticker and a "Kerry Edwards" one. All of the people up there are Bush supporters, and are usually drunk.
Or it could have been because they think that the entire road belongs to them, because no ones stupid enough to drive a car up there, except us.
The odd thing is that they stole nothing, even though there was a wallet in the glove compartment, an iPod in the back seat, a subwoofer in the very back, etc.
So we had to drive back to Seattle with plywood over our windows. It was really scary and dad almost crashed.

Yup, I'm sorry. No stupid and corny jokes on this post. Except... you guys are probably thankful for that.

Januarathon!

Ok so I’m starting a Januarathon because January is good. Remember, it’s only January 8.49315068493151 percent of the year, and we have to make the most of it. I have to post everyday, even if it kills me.
Oh my god it’s the January monster! “There’s a monster for January?” you ask because you’re slow. No, it’s not a monster, and it’s not the January man... it’s the January monster. And when it roars, it sounds like a telephone. Ok, enough knox references.

You can't avoid it...

Hey, guess what. I went to my friend’s house in 2005, and came out in 2006. If it sounds like I was in there for a long time, then you’re gullible. It’s 20 minutes into January! 2006, yall! it rulz. Because, if you turn it upside-down, it says 9002. 7734 yeah, it rox. One of my rez-a-lootions is to be more n00bish.

I'm gonna be a complete thief

...and steal shmebb's idea. Keep in mind I did write this thing a year ago.

The 1st thing of power the world gave to me
Was a scam in the election. Yippee!
The 2nd thing of power the world gave to me
Was 2 crashed towers,
The 3rd thing of power the world gave to me
Was 3 suspect countries,
The 4th thing of power the world gave to me
Was 4 thousand hours,
The 5th thing of power the world gave to me
Was 5 big tax cuts!
The 6th thing of power the world gave to me
Was 6 coalitions,
The 7th thing of power the world gave to me
Was 7 swift boat vet’s lying,
The 8th thing of power the world gave to me
Was 8 cabinet members,
The 9th and 11th things the world gave to me
Was 9/11 haunting,
The 10th thing of power the world gave to me
Was 10 trillion dollars lost,
The 12th thing of power the world gave to me
Was 12 cans of oil,

U.S. measurements are a load.

U.S measurements are way different from metric, and that’s pretty much the only non-violent thing that makes America different. Here are some of the ways:
Temperature
-40 celsius and -40 fahrenheit aren’t the same heat. Nope. Definitely not. No checking.
Length
A mile is a heck longer than a kilometer, even though kilometer has 5 more letters.
Yards mean three feet. But not yards as in backyards, and not feet as in what we put into our shoes. That’s very misleading. The again, with our measurements you’d think a killer equaled 1000 graham crackers. because of kilogram. forget it.
Weight
1000 grams is kinda deceiving. You’d think it would be heavier.
I looks like U.S. have the unit of weight “1 ton” and we don’t. Yeah, be proud cause we goooooot... Millligram, decagram, dekagram, and some others! de donk.
Area
Hectare sounds way cooler than acre.
Energy
Kilogram-meters has way more kinetic energy than foot-pounds, and foot-pounds sounds like some weird disease.
Btus and Ergs sound weird, but Joules sounds like something I want. I want a million joules! Oh, wait. Then I’d get incinerated.
The only thing bad about our units of energy is the kilogram-calories. I’d hate to eat one and weigh another kilo.
Time
A metric day is about .7 U.S. days. The U.S. is so rushed.
Speed
To prove the U.S. is rushed, 1 mile an hour is 1.6 kilometers an hour.
As with every category, there is an odd-sounding one. This time it’s knots.
Pressure
PSI: a lot of adults get that confused with CSI.
Odd measurement: Pascals. Sounds like a chip. I bet a pringles tube could hold 1000 pascals... which ain’t that much.
Power
Foot-Pounds/Second?!? That’s 3 freakin’ measurements in one!
Volume
Let’s get something straight: We’re not talking about decibles.
Also, what the crap is a Dram? Sounds like you’re copying someone.
Currency
Yeesh.. well, you beat everyone except the EURO! In yo face! Oh, and the Pound Sterling which sounds like it belongs in weight.
There you have it. I’ve demolished the last peaceful thing that distinguishes you. No shooting the iconoclast, now. Those bullets have a lot of potential energy.

Ways to save money during Christmas.

Christmas time may be a joyful and fun holiday that we all have in our minds, our heart, and our liver, but it can be stressful on some people. So here’s what three ghosts have to say about what you should do.

The Ghost of Christmas Heating says “for god’s sake, don’t waste heat.. Maybe your trying to boil tungsten, but seriously, lower the dang thermostat. Put a blanket over your house instead. You don’t have one? Okay, build a parabolic heat thingy (magnifying glass) and point it at your house. Oh, yeah. Don’t focus it to much. To costly? whine whine whine! These are ways to heat the house where you don’t need to use the thermostat! Maybe you should all do us a freakin’ favor and smash a molotov cocktail on your head. Don’t want to? Well boo hoo, peeps.”

The Ghost of Christmas Presents(not affiliated with the Ghost of Christmas Present) says “you seriously need to buy your kids an X-box 360. I know, they cost a lot, but it pays for itself in... 3 months. How? Well your kids might... go outside instead... and maim themselves while riding a bike! Now you gotta pay for your kid with special needs and that costs waaaaaaaaaaaaaaaay more than an X-box 360. Oh, yeah. Bikes have brakes. Well, buy an X-box 360 because then your kids will like you. ‘Oh, but I think you have millions of shares in Mocrosoft so then I would help make you rich which is the only reason you want me to buy one.’ Well that ain’t true."

The Ghost of Christmas Decorations says “You know, we aren’t stranded on an island, so maybe you didn’t need to build an airplane signal. Oh, That’s your house! HAHAHAHA! oh, that’s good stuff! You see, You got so much crap on your roof... mmmmph... AHAHAHAHA!! I mean COME ON! Your decorations are causing lights to go out all over town! I swear, your probably causing lights to dim... heehee... in Tokyo!! HAHAHAHAAAA! You know what, you know what... hehheh, that’s good. The Ghost of Christmas Heating would be proud... haha... because.. ahahaha... It’s probably cooking your house! AHAHA! I swear, if I had ribs, they’d be broken! Ok, I’m done."

bye

bye until january something - im going on vaction!
But first, a little song.

Oh christmas tree,
oh christmas tree,
lets cut you down and use you to make lots of houses or for firewood except nowadays everyone has gas fireplaces...

With the bush administration, getting ready to pounce,
And gas prices, rising to 3,000 $ an ounce,

Oh christmas tree,
oh christmas tree,
lets cut you down and use you to make lots of houses or for firewood except nowadays everyone has gas fireplaces...

Good ol' Libbie, got kicked out,
And peoples are wondering, what the iraq war was all about,

Oh christmas tree,
oh chritmas tree,
lets cut you down and use you to make lots of houses or for firewood except nowadays everyone has gas fireplaces...

Bush cannot explain anything,
The sound of defeat, is starting to ring,

Oh christmas tree,
oh christmas tree,
lets cut you down and use you to make lots of houses or for firewood except nowadays everyone has gas fireplaces...

Ok im done.

Robin Hood Panto!

So guess what I just did the last performance of the pantomime that I'm in. What's that? You say I should have posted about it earlier? Well I gots lots to tell.

For the dress rehearsalala,nanana,heyhey,doodoodoo we got to put on make up. As much as I like an excuse to wear makeup It's a real pain in the *** because you can't scratch your face. Luckily all I have to wear is blush and this other stuff that don do squat.

It's a Robin Hood panto, so the costumes are kinda excessive. I have 5 parts to my costume.

An you can do stage magic. If you exit stage left, you can go down the stairs doop doop doop doop doop, under the stage, doopa doopa doopa, up the stairs, bump bump bump, and enter stage right.

Now for: Act one, scene one minus songs. There are some changes in the play. remember, this is a spoiler. Don't read it if yall are gonna see the play.

(Opening song)
Robin: Here we are will, on the edge of Sherwood Forest. You know it feels great to be back on home ground.
Will: Well actually, Robin, I’ve had enough of being on the ground, especially at night. There’s always something sharp protruding in a sensitive area.
Robin: You should have unbuckled your sword.
Will: Well now you tell me.
Robin: I thought you liked camping.
Will: Camping’s all right - it’s the ground I can’t stand.
Robin: Your right, it will be marvelous to sleep in a feather bed.
Will: Personally I want to jump into a hot bath and have hot oil rubbed all over my-
Robin: I know, I know...spare me the details. After all that desert we crusaded through, isn’t it wonderful to be back in the woodlands? The majestic beech trees, the mighty cedars-
Will: The smouldering ashes...
Robin: What?
Will: Someone’s been burning the trees.
Robin: Oh, that’s just beetle kill.
Will: The houses have been burnt, too. There used to be a cottage over there now it’s just a pile of smoking timbers.
(Throughout the next section, the young outlaws appear and dissapear behind the bushes upstage.)
Will: Robin, do you get the feeling we’re being watched?
Robin: Out there, you mean? (Indicates audience.) No need to worry about them. Just a few creatures from up the valley.
Will: No, I meant back there. I’m sure I saw something move.
Robin: Are you certain? I didn’t see anything.
Will: (to audience) Did you see anything back there?
Robin: No, there’s nothing there.
Will: (encouraging audience to join.) Oh yes there is.
Robin: Oh no there isn’t.
Will: Oh yes there is!
Robin: Oh no there isn’t!
Will: I saw something back there.
Robin: Back there? Behind the BACON tree?
Will: Yes. You go this way, I’ll go that way.
(They approach the one bush where all of the young outlaws are now hiding stealthily from either side. As they are about to disappear behind the bush, they stop and retreat at the sword/arrow points of the young outlaws.)
Will: That was no bacon tree - that was a HAM bush!
Robin: Might we know who has bested us?
Sparrow (This is me on this Thursday and Sunday):We’re outlaws!
Finch: We’re brave and bold and brawny.
Will: And barely four feet tall!
Big Jhon: Size doesn’t matter!
Will: Ooohhh, I think we’d better put that to a vote (to audience) Those of you who think that size matters-
Finch: Stop that!
Will: Well that’s a shame because I was just beginning to enjoy myself!
Big John: We’re dangerous desperadoes.
Sparrow: And I’m the famous Robin Hood!
Finch: That’s not fair, you said I could be Robin Hood!
Sparrow: No, that was before, It’s my turn now.
Finch: Oh, all right.
Sparrow: And that’s Big John.
Big John: Size doesn’t matter!
(Old Mother Wise and her daughters come in)
Wise: Spare a crust of bread for an old woman and her starving daughters?
Robin: A crust? what is the world coming to when- wait a minute, I know you. Will, this is old mother wise!
Wise: Should I know you good masters?
Robin: It’s me, Robin!
Wise: Robin Hood? I thought you were dead.
Robin: No, I’ve just been traveling.
Wise: Same thing really.
Robin: No it isn’t! We’ve been to the crusades fighting the dervishes.
Will: Saracens.
Robin: Turks.
Will: Men with long, hard, bent, slightly twisted-
Robin: Scimitars?
Will: Those, too.
Hazel: Are you Robin Hood?
Sparrow: No, I’m Robin Hood!
Robin: No, that was before, it’s my turn now.
Holly: Are you really Robin Hood?
Honey: We’ve heard such a lot about you.
Robin: You have? Who are you?
Wise: These are my daughters, Robin. Surely you remember Holly Honey and Hazel.
Robin: Really!? The last time I saw you all, you we’re (indicates several inches above their heads) this high!
Wise: Well, it’s hardly surprising. We are close to starving.
Holly: Since all the good men wen’t away, the country’s gone to rack and pinion!
Robin: Oh, it will be all right now that King Richard is back.
Wise: Oh, has he come back then?
Robin: Haven’t you heard? He arrived in England months before we did.
Will: We we’re expecting to see him. He said he was coming to Nelsonham, that’s why I came here with Robin.
Robin: Come to think of it, we haven’t heard anything at all about him since we landed in England.
Wise: It seems he never made it...

Come see the show atleast a day ago to find out what happens next!

Alternative sources for oil.

Y'know, there's a lot of oil-hunting in Iraq right now. But we don't need to get oil there! We can get it from:
pastels
lamps
canola
linseeds
peanuts
hydrogenated soybeans
palm...s
soil (remove the s)
Venezuela?
pride. Everybody needs pride.
and freedom.
Iran?
Mars! We’ve been focusing on that! C’mon, peeps! There may not be water but there’s oil!
Pixie Stix. It’s edible oil from a sugar/oil refinery if you pur water on it. It can also be used as chlorine. And crack. Probably gunpowder, too.
seasme seeds
sesame street. No one’s drilled there.
wall street, too! Remember, the rich will get richer?
birds. Why not kill ‘em now?
Big bird! grab his legs! He’s got the oil!
So does cookie monster!
And the best of all... whales!

I don't have anything to say either...

...butcha don't see me using the copy and paste-ing about it. Instead, I'll post a contest. Try to figure out what this ad goes to. I actually did find this ad in the papers, but it just said Shop Kelowna. There's a song that fits.

oh, my thrifty one, thrifty one, when you gonna come and drive TO KELOWNA! It is not that far, not that far, why don't you come down and SHOP, SHOP, SHOP, SHOP, SHOP, YEAH! doo doo dee dee do, SHOP KELOWNA! doo doo dee dee do, SHOP KELOWNA!

start guessin the song.
I guess this is all.

crap!!!!!!!

i dont have anything to say.

So............... I'll post some stuff in morse code.

....---.--.---...-.-.-...--.-.-.-.-.--.---.-.-.-.-...----...--.----.--.-.-.----.---.---.-..-.-.-...--.-.-.-.-.-.--..--.-.-.-.-..-...--.----..-..---------.

Did that mean anything?

And now, for our featured presentation...

E. Coli E. Coli E. Coli E. Coli E. Coli E. Coli E. Coli E. Coli E. Coli E. Coli E. Coli E. Coli E. Coli E. Coli E. Coli E. Coli E. Coli E. Coli E. Coli E. Coli E. Coli E. Coli E. Coli E. Coli E. Coli E. Coli E. Coli E. Coli E. Coli E. Coli E. Coli E. Coli E. Coli E. Coli E. Coli E. Coli E. Coli E. Coli E. Coli E. Coli E. Coli E. Coli E. Coli E. Coli E. Coli E. Coli E. Coli E. Coli E. Coli E. Coli E. Coli E. Coli E. Coli E. Coli E. Coli E. Coli E. Coli E. Coli E. Coli E. Coli E. Coli E. Coli E. Coli E. Coli E. Coli E. Coli E. Coli E. Coli E. Coli E. Coli E. Coli E. Coli E. Coli E. Coli E. Coli E. Coli E. Coli E. Coli E. Coli E. Coli E. Coli E. Coli E. Coli E. Coli E. Coli E. Coli E. Coli E. Coli E. Coli E. Coli E. Coli E. Coli E. Coli E. Coli E. Coli E. Coli E. Coli E. Coli E. Coli E. Coli E. Coli E. Coli E. Coli E. Coli E. Coli E. Coli E. Coli E. Coli E. Coli E. Coli E. Coli E. Coli E. Coli E. Coli E. Coli E. Coli E. Coli E. Coli E. Coli E. Coli E. Coli E. Coli E. Coli E. Coli E. Coli E. Coli E. Coli E. Coli E. Coli E. Coli E. Coli E. Coli E. Coli E. Coli E. Coli E. Coli E. Coli E. Coli E. Coli E. Coli E. Coli E. Coli E. Coli E. Coli E. Coli E. Coli E. Coli E. Coli E. Coli E. Coli E. Coli E. Coli E. Coli E. Coli E. Coli E. Coli E. Coli E. Coli E. Coli E. Coli E. Coli E. Coli E. Coli E. Coli E. Coli E. Coli E. Coli E. Coli E. Coli E. Coli E. Coli E. Coli E. Coli E. Coli E. Coli E. Coli E. Coli E. Coli E. Coli E. Coli E. Coli E. Coli E. Coli E. Coli E. Coli E. Coli E. Coli Edit: that's it, I'm cutting back. It was kinda slowing (stopping) the loading of this page, so.... I have an excuse. -TPG

it snowed here too.

which is SUPA rare for seattlites.

So I'm here at the hospital, recovering from this wound that I got. By a werewolf like thing. And I decided to transcript the best thing ever. COOL THINGS:

Homestarrunner: Huh... Sittin on a couch is zero amount of fun when theres not a tv or hanglider in front of it.

Marzy: Well, then why don't you do something constructive? Like read a book; or write a novela.

Homestarrunner: Nah, I already did some writing today. And then I read what I wrote.

Marzy: Yay! Good for you! Can I see it?

Homestarrunner: It's right over there!

Marzy: Why did you write "Cool tapes" on my wall?

Homestarrunner: Uh, hello! Maybe it's because I like cool tapes?

Marzy: Well I hope you like cool painting, because this has got to go!

Homestarrunner: Mwa, mwa, mwa...

{new scene}

Homestarrunner: Say there Bubs! I need three cans of yella paint, and one pair of cool shades!

Bubs: Sorry, customor! I'm closed!

Homestarrunner: But you're standing right there! and I can see the yella paint!

Bubs: But I'm CLOSED! Layoffs, Cutbacks, you know the drill!

Homestarrunner: Oh... say bubs, can you steal me three cans of yella paint?

Bubs: I never pass down a chance to stick it to the man! Here you go! I slipped the shades in can #2!

Homestarrunner: Thanks Bubs!

{new scene}

Homestarrunner: I think I'll go bust out my new cool shades now! Cool, everythings all yellow and drippy!

Strong Sad: Hey Homestar.

Homestarrunner: Oh, hey dripping yellow madness.

Strong Sad: What? I'm Strong Sad! Dripping yellow madness moved away after the 5th grade!

Homestarrunner: Look, I'd like to argue the fact that you are, in fact, dripping yellow madness, but this paint and i have a date with a wall!

Strong Sad: I wish I had a date with a wall.

Homestarrunner: go for it! Here, you'll need these.

Strong Sad: Oh!

homestarrunner: And uh.. good luck tonight! Click click! WHAAAAAAAAAAHHhahahaaaaaaa... I'm at the bottom of a giant pit...

Strong Sad: Homestar, take of those stupid shades!

homestarrunner: Yeah, I should probably return these things.

{new scene}

Homestarrunner: Lemme get my money back for these cool shades!

Bubs: Little closer homestar!

Homestarrunner: Lemme get my money back for these cool shades!

bubs: sure! You gotta reciept!

Homestarrunner: Uh, no. The sales represenitive, sold me these sunglasses, free of charge. I believe, his name was stan.

Bubs: Stan! I fired that guy after the 5th grade! Well, if you dont gotta reciept, I can only exchange it for something of lesser or much lesser value. And the only thing that qualifies is this!

Homestarrunner: These'll do! These'll do just... fine!

{new scene}

Marzy: Ok boys, lets take it from the top.

Homestarrunner: What in Pete Sampras is going on here!

Marzy: You took to long, so strong mad, the cheat and i formed a band, called cool tapes.

Homestarrunner: Oh really.. and just what kinda... music do you play!

Marzy: Well here, we'll show you! We only have one song, and its not quite finished yet, but.. here goes. Ready boys? One two three four! Cool tapes are cool, they're where it is, at! Cool tapes are cool, and we like it like that! Cool tapes! Cool tapes! We like to get it down, with a bunch of cool tapes, like to get it down, with... um... um...

Homestarruner: A bag of four grapes?

Marzy: A baaaag of four grapes!!!!!!!!!!!!!


THE END.

Wizards in Winter!

Yep, it's snowing every day now, and we're just entering December! I'm think of either calling it Winter Wonderland: where dreams come true or Winter Wonderland: where liquid nitrogen freezes. The first one is sentimental and lying, and the second one has never been tested. I'm gonna choose the second one.

There was also the bake sale today, just like every Thursday. We left it out after recess, and I was phobic about people takin’ ‘em. But we had spies. Someone did try to steal a cupcake, and then the security cameras all went “weeeeeooooeeeeeoooo” and the loudspeaker went “intruder alert” and there was red flashing lights and then a BaSPro(Bake Sale Protector) team came through with rubber bands and metal rulers so the guy didn’t end up stealing it.

We also had shots. not double shot espresso, not mug shots, but shots for Hep B, Chicken pox and Meningitis. When people came back from the Hep B shot they had turned big, green, lost all clothes but their pants, stopped using articles, and called themselves “hulk”. When people came back from the chicken pox shot, they had the avian flu. All bird related diseases all the time, yeah. But from menigitis shots, they turned into spittin cobras! It’s kinda weird since Meningitis it spread through spit. Speaking of spit, do you notice anything in the word SPrITe? Don’t drink sprite. First of all, it only has lemons and limes. 5 Alive has that, orange, grapefruit and mango. and, not lime.

Physics lesson!

Today: A bullet made of gold and that was in the Curse of the Were-Rabbit. First of all: Gold is kinda like Play-doh, except much more valuable and doesn't go dry. Therefore, if a gold bullet was fired out of a gun:
1. Would it become flat with the air resitance?
2. Would it hit you, and give you a bruise, but flatten itself?
3. Would it go right through you and kill you? I don't know.

I watched this thing on T.V. that was a Canadian spelling contest. They had words like "synapse" that nobody could spell. C'mon! Spend more time with your dictionaries. The spelling guy says "schizophrenic" and the contestant says "Can ya use it in a sentence? and he says"as a matter of fact you can. You are sentenced to three years of treatment by an asylum for being schizophrenic" and the contestant says "No, not as in life sentence, although that was helpful. Can you use it in a sentence? and he says "Where are the earnings? Kiddin. The real sentence is: Try not to become schizophrenic after this contest." and the contestant says: "s-k-i-t-s-a-f-r-e-n-i-k" and he says: "Get off the stage."

puffel in, piffel down, and the rest.

Yep, I know the onion. seen it, heard it, bought it. I think everyone has.
So... thanksgiving was on thursday. And... it tasted good. Except the turkey was charcoal.
Uh oh... I sense something moving. I hope it's not that werewolf I tried to kill yesterday.
Gah! Silver bullet! Must gjtewt silvler buyuttl=et hes lgot mee hel[ ]hgjh gmm,////.j, m.j/////////jddh

Ok, don't spazz.

Anyways, I need to tell you 'bout a thing called the onion. It's funny. It's America's greatest news source, but we're in Canada and it's still good. How impressive is dat, huh? It says that Ashcroft is a werewolf and Kim Jong Il (that last thing is not a two, it's an I and an L) is a giant robot. Oh, an guess what. We already had Thanksgiving! So there! *Razz* I also watched that schfifty five thing a lot. It's all "do ba baada, do ba baada, do be dop, do be dop, do be dop, shiggity-shwa! Schfifty five!
Now for the snowboard that solves crimes... SUPER SNOWBOARD! Faster than a snowboard standing still! More powerful than a ski pole! And able to jump over big ol' crevasses without falling in. Penciled by: Tom Morrison|Penned by: Maria Fortis|Inked by: Marcus Edwards|Markered by: Melvin Reese|Colored by: Arthur Goff|Lettered by: Vincent Dubrow|Patted Dry Because It Has A Lot Of Ink On It Now by: Wayne Anderson|Edited by: Richard Pearce|Story by: Mike Newell|Arrow'd! by: Arrow Guy|Credits by... Jessica Wilkenson! It's fabulous Jessica Wilkenson even though she lives in an apaaartment! La la la do da dee...
Guy on Snowboard: Hurry up, super snowboard! Those anonymous drug dealers are getting away!
Super Snowboard: I'll catch 'em just like always! (It glides ahead, a big hand comes out, and it throws snow at them) Now for an avalanche! (the hand turns into a big fist and pounds the ground, an avalanche starts and the anonymous drug dealers are trapped)
Guy: Yes, we got 'em! Oh, no! We're heading straight for a cliff! We're gonna die!
Snowboard: Negative. I have a rocket. (They fly over)
Guy: We did it! I'll put you right here...
Snowboard: ok. (The snowboard starts to slide away) Help! I need you to control me, Guy!
Guy: Where are you headed?
Snowboard: At a suspicious lookin car!
Guy: You need to ram into it cause then you'll destroy it and keep the criminals that are probably there! You can do it!
Will the snowboard hit and explode the car? Will it get crunched against the side? Will I throw more endless possibilities in your face? Get the next issue of... SUPER SNOWBOARD!
And that's a myth I heard. If a snowboard can go through a car or not. Will somebody tell me?

I'M NOT WITH YOU!!!

'Cause they need to make a Kicking Harry and the Wallis and Grommit of Zathura! That way, Wallis and Grommit fans would get to see their favorite movie mixed with those three. It'd be exactly the same as Kicking Harry and the Goblet of Zathura, except everyone would talk in stuffy british accents. And... there would be lots of rabbits everywhere. And Lord Voldemort would be replaced with a fat guy named Lord Victor-Mort. He'd wear a toupee shaped like a rabbit. Yes, what fun!
In other news that don't have to do with merging four good movies and coming up with a crappy movie, today Shmebb... stared at a lava lamp for like, 5 hours. Seriously man, those things are awsome!!!!
So... today I was watching americas next top model.
WAIT!!! DON'T KILL ME YET!!!! IT WASN'T MY FAULT!!!!!!! IT WAS JUST BECAUSE THERE WAS NOTHING ON AND MY SISTER WAS WATCHING IT!!!!!
So everyone was like, "Oh crap, I'm 0.0000000000001 pounds over weight." And, "Oh crap, I'm missing an eyelash in that picture." And, "Oh crap, my nail polish is a tiny bit faded."
And then the judges were like, "Ha ha, you were 0.0000000000001 pounds over weight." And, "Ha ha, you were missing an eyelash in that picture." And, "ha ha, your nail polish was a tiny bit faded."
And in the end the judges voted off some girl because she had a wart on her foot that wasnt even visible because she was wearing tight and uncomftorable shoes.
And the entire thing was like, completely stolen from "Survivor." Instead of "Tree-mail" they got "Tyra-mail." Seriously, the whole thing had an eerie chill, like when you're on vacation and Jeoprody comes on at 7:00 instead of 7:30.
So, should I stop talking about movies and TV shows? Yes. I'll just say one other word.

THANKSGIVING-IS-TOMMOROW-SO-WE-GET-4-DAYS-OFF-WOOHOO-AND-YES-THIS-WAS--ONE-WORD-HA-HA-HA!!!!!

Kicking & Screaming & Harry & Potter & the Goblet of Fire Review!

I’m not doing 2 full length reviews for a while, jeez!

Kicking and Screaming: a dysfunctional team makes it to the top through good practice. Pretty good.
Harry Potter & the Goblet of Fire: A movie based on the book but with major parts taken out with a grenade launcher and Dumbledore doing things for effect. Good too.

So what do you get if you mix Zathura, Kicking & Screaming, and Harry Potter and the Goblet of Fire? You get the same result as putting nuts ‘n’ gum in a cuisinart and microwaving what gets made. Nah, you get : Kicking Harry and the Goblet of Zathura! It’s a movie where a team of soccer players are chosen from 3 schools to compete in a contest which includes hedge mazes with meteors, a swimming challenge where you can get attacked by zorgons and have to rescue your freind/astronaut, and alien dragons who work in a butchery. You have to kick your ball through the end goal in each challenge to comlete it. That butchery part was in Kickin ‘n’ Screamin.

They need to make Kicking Harry & the Goblet of Zathura. Or at least some video game of it. Especially if you throw in a little Legend of Zorro. Maybe a pinch of National Treasure. And some onions! I'm sure it would sell like hotcakes. Ooh! Especially if it smelled like hotcakes! Who’s with me?

Not a Wallis and Grommit review!

Instead, I'll post some ads here. 'Cause then the companys pay me tons of money.

AD #1:

*Gasp!* *Choke!* *Cough!* Oh no! Mom, is that chicken you're serving for dinner? AH!!! BIRD FLU!!! BIRD FLU!!!!!!!!!

Worry no more about bird flu, if you have... Bird-flu-protection device!

It's a pill, and when you swallow it, you blow up! Then you're dead, and you don't have to worry about bird flu, or Y2K, or any of those other stupid fears that aren't true!

555555555555-555555-555555-555555-555555-555555-55555-555555-55555-5555-55555-BIRD FLU NO MORE BECAUSE I'M DEAD-TODAY!!

Yay, I got 200 dollars by posting that ad! Ok, ad #2!

Are you not hyper enough? You don't know? Look at those bags under your parents eyes. Or your spouces. Depending on your age. If they aren't huge and giant, you AREN'T!!!

Then try new ultra-yummy-blows-your-stomach-up-chewy-no-wait-crunchy-er-both-I-guess-CHOCOLATE-CARARMEL-CREAMY-SUGAR-CINNOMAN-HONEY-SUGAR-FLAKES!
Eat one bite, and watch you spin around your house like a tornado, smashing into priceless objects, injuring people, and getting arrested!!
Won't that just be wonderful. So EAT UP! Remember, if you buy 5,000 boxes, you get a free trip to your house! Hooray! And if you don't have a house... you suck.

And finally, Ad #3.

Want some funnieness in your life? Then check out: boxochox.blogspot.com!!
It's the best website ever. Posts are by The Pizza Guy and THE WONDERFUL AND GREAT SHMEBB WHO SEEMS TO BE OBSESSED WITH E. COLI!!!! AND HIMSELF!!!!. Check it out today!
E-mail: boxochoxdoesnthaveanemail@nosite.com!

And... I'm done. Time to play with a hive of E. Coli! Er... what is E. Coli anyway? I think it's like... a bug... or... diesese... something like that...

Wallis and Grommit review!

Seriously, I did see wallis and grommit, but I'm not going to steal pizza man's idea.
I'm so nice.
Instead, I'll talk in gibberish.
Su-the-go, too-the-goo du-the-gay uh-the-guy wu-the-gent tu-the-go the-the-gu stu-the-gore.
TRANSLATED: So, today I went to the store.
Now, I'll talk in pig latin.
O-say, oday-tay I-ay ent-way o-tay uh-they ore-stay.
TRANLSATED: So, today I went to the store.
Now, I'll speak in babble.
dfjsighdfj, kgfrgmfmgsdjf,jdhsvkjyhjgbsdhjfgsdhjfgjhfgsdjfgrjfga,efgweryukrgajcfawtyfd fvbahfgjefchgjrefnjermasja
TRANSLATED: So, today I went to the store.
And I bought a can of five alive. The Pizza Guy is all about five alive, so I got some. And I got a huge slab of canadian beef covered with E. Coli. I'm all about E. Coli, so I got some. Then I got some Seattle. The Pizza Guy and I are both all about Seattle, so I got some. It was covered in leaves. NOT!!! The leaves are gone.
Su-the-go, bu-the-guy! OR: O-say, Eye-bay! OR: dfjsighdfj, fugajamaifnquemaformehefjba!
So, bye. DUH!

Zathura movie review!

Well I saw Zathura Yesterday, and being Roger Ebert in disguise I'm obliged to review it.
Okay, here we go. Hmm. A kid's looking back and forth. Oh, I see. his father and his older brother are playing catch. Oh, now it's the kid's turn. The sons argue. It's still the younger kid's turn. They play catch. But the kid can't catch so the older kid rolls in and catches it instead. Oh, the dad needs to work. So the kids are upstairs playing with walkie talkies. Now we're downstairs again. The kids come down, and it turns out that the younger kid had damaged a walkie talkie. Now they're fighting again. This John Favreau guy likes them fighting. Oops the younger kid knocked over his Dad's drink onto the dad's important graphic stuff. Dad needs to go to the office for a new copy. Apparently he hasn't heard of transferring files and printing them. Let's go faster. Kids are bored. Kids start playing catch and the older guy has no enthusiasm because he's watching SPORT|SC|ENTER. Oops, he got hit in the face. The older kid puts the younger kid in the basement. The younger kid finds Zatura: a space adventure. He comes back upstairs. He wants the older kid to play, but he doesn't want to. So the younger kid plays by himself. He turns the thing and presses the other thing. He moves ahead to something. I forget. A card comes out. It says meteor shower, take evasive action. Oops, it's real. They hide in the fireplace until it's over. Oh, yay. Sportscenter is back on. Oops, the Tv was crushed by a meteor.They look up and it’s a starry sky. They figure “let’s go outside and check to see we’re not in space.” But they are. They show their sister Lisa who’s a complete weirdo that they’re in space by rolling up the blinds, but she thinks it’s nighttime. I should probably say that the older brother’s name is Walter and the younger brothers name is Danny. They show her the game and a card comes out on the older kids turn. It says you’re promoted to some higher rank. But she doesn’t listen. On the next turn it says “shipmate enters cryonic sleep for the next five turns” which is lisa. So now they play which is uninteresting until it says “Rescue stranded astronaut”. So they do. They are attacked by zorgons who take the game as kindling on their ship, but Danny goes aboard and gets it back.
Did I mention there was a robot? No. But there was. It was walters robot, and it drives all the zorgons out. By now lisa’s not frozen. Then they play. Walter gets a shooting star and wishes that the astronaut had his brother back because the astronaut had a brother that dissapeared because the astronaut had played Zathura (15 years ago) and he had got the shooting star, so the astronaut wished his brother had never been born and he regrets it because his brother couldn’t take his turn and the astronaut was stuck in space until now when Walter and Danny rescued them, *unbelieveably big inhaled breath* So now walter wishes the astronaut had his brother back. A clone of Danny appears, and then there is some confusion because the astronaut and his brother were living kinda paralell lives with walter and danny until now. We’ll call the kid walter kid walter , the astronaut astronaut walter (that’s his name), the danny that’s been on screen for more than 10 seconds Danny 1, and the Danny that’s been on screen for so far 3 seconds Danny 2. So then danny 2 thinks that kid walter is his brother, and that the astronaut is a total stranger. Danny 1 and Danny 2 start doing motions infront of eachother that are identical, but then they touch hands and Danny 2 dissapears. Astronaut walter for some reason puts his hand on kid walter’s shoulder and astronaut walter dissapears. So then they play the game, and Danny is 10 spaces from the end. He advances 1 space, and gets a card that puts him ahead 9 spaces and he wins. Then there’s a black hole. Huh. Last time I checked, black holes had stronger gravity than that. But they get sucked in, and apparate back to Earth exactly as they started. I’m done. You should see it. It sure is better than, say, Scrabble: a vocabulary adventure.
Remember: tommorow the Harry Potter movie comes to theaters!

Oh, I'm insanely evil.

I didn't post yesterday(equipps tomato sheild). I'm working on this really awexome Zathura movie review.
I guess I should say something...
It's the The Pizza Guy action figure! Slap it and it says one of fifteen different things! If the first thing that came to your mind was voodoo, you don't get one! Get it in only by giving me the magic drink! (Hint: It's two words, one begins with an F and the other begins with an A)
Choice one: "Stop it, I'm not drunk."
Choice two: "Inside me is a beehive."
Choice three: "I am posting something!
Choice four: "You must not like Five Alive, eh?"
Choice five: "If you thought that was fun, you should buy the new model that's got nitroglycerin in it!"
Choice six: "You think I'm asleep?"
Choice seven: "Another hit and you get sued for actionfigureslaughter!
Choice eight: "That's it! Lawyers! Lawyers? Lawyers!?!"
Choice nine: "Get it through your head that I'm not making you a sandwich to eat...
Choice ten: "...I'm making YOU a sandwich that I can eat! (whips out knife)
Choice eleven: "Just gimme to your dog, whydon'tcha?
Choice twelve: "You've just activated the time bomb!"
Choice thirteen: "I'm not telling you where it is, you'll figure it out."
Choice fourteen: "Read the instructions. It says: NOT A STRESS THINGY."
Choice fifteen: "Instructions is for sissies, huh? I'll show you who the sissy is! Put an iron on your face and turn it on! What, too scared, mama's boy? Bwok bwok!

Wooh! Three posts in a row!

Yeah, thought you were pretty smart huh? 3 POSTS IN A ROW HUH????????
Hmmph!!
So anyway..... not much new wit me. I'm sittin here... staring at my snow globe... wishing it was chirstmas.... but it's not. At least thanksgiving is coming up.
Oh, and did anyone here about that huge snake thing that attacked Blowyournoseia?? (That's a country near Iraq).
So the blowyournoseians were all screaming and like, yelling to their gods, and like, just going insane and runnning in circles and bursting into fire. Then the Iraqis decided to come, and the old saddam hussien supporters were running round saying "OOOOOOH!!! YOU SAID A BAD WORD!!! YOU GET TO GO TO JAIL!!!!!!"
and then all the soldiers of the US that were in Iraq were all, "Hm... looks like the world is exploding. Aw screw it. I want a few hours more of sleep."
And then the regular Iraquis were praying.
So... today I got handcuffed. By myself. So now I can't type the escape key and the edject key at the same time. Becuase I lost the key. Wonder what I'm gonna do for school tommorow.
Well, I'm off to feed my E. Coli farm. Bye.

A new plastic.

I’ve discovered a new type of plastic. It’s synthetic. I actually have no idea what that means.
As my profile shows, I plan to make plastic manufacturing plants with this fabric. I mean plastic. The problem is, it melts when it touches water, like that witch in the Wizard of Oz. And when it melts, it looks like pee!
So no matter, what happens, it’s amazing. It’s about as amazing as dynamite or cars or Five Alive again. But I can’t tell you the secret recipe. Well, I could tell you the secret recipe, and the secret recipe for the telekinetic potion, but I’d have to kill you. Okay, fine. I’ll tell you.
You will need:
marshmallows
candy corn
a plate
a microwave
a crobar
a potholder unless you don't care that the plate will get hot.
What you do, is oxidize some marshmallows in the microwave. Yeah. Crack ‘em open, and there’s all this black stuff on the inside! Put that back on the plate. Then crobar the rest of the marshmallows off the plate and eat it or sumthing. Then, put the plate back in the microwave and put candy corn on it! Then, melt it. Remember, this is a kid-safe™ experiment! Nothing here will catch fire. While the marshmallows/candy corn mix is hot, pour it in your mold to make whatever shape you want. It’s your mold. I found out that it really sticks, and that neither marshmallows or candy corn is synthetic. You just take a pressure washer to it and it comes off.

A little to the left, come on, come on. Back to the right, shake it around!

To celebrate the schfifty-fifth post, we got pictures.
Starring: Me, Guy on flatbed, Architect, Guy on crane, Guy on forklift, and Nicholas Cage in a cameo appearance.

Yay, we finally got pictures up like proffesionals! I needed help, though. You see, putting pictures that big on requires lots of construction equipment.
(Flatbed backs in)
Me: Our shipment’s here!
Guy on flatbed: Okay, ready?
Me: Yep! (He dumps everything on the ground, I meet with the architech to decide which two should go up)
Me: How about that one? It looks good.
Architect: Okay, but then we should put a picture on the other side.
Me: I agree... that one looks good.
Architect: Okay, let’s get ‘em up there.
(Guy on crane lifts one up and swings it to face the blog)
Me: Okay, move it forward!
Guy on crane: This crane can’t go any farther.
Me; Move back and forth.
GOC: ok.
(The first picture slams into the blog with tremendous force)
Me: Oops. It knocked everyting down about 100 pixels.
GOC: Is the format okay?
Me: Yeah, it’s fine. Now lift the second one up.
GOC: Hey, you on the forklift! We need that picture right now.
Guy on forklift: Lifting up the picture now, sir.
(I hook the crane onto the picture)
Me: It’s ready to be lifted.
GOC: okay.
(he lifts it up, and it slams into the blog)
GOC: Is that good?
Me: Yep! We’re done!
And another day of construction goes smoothly.

Thuh sycksth centse! Woooo!

Sew tuhdaey Iy dysscuhvurred Iy had uh sycksth centse of summe sorte. It wazz the abilytiy too... detect walls! I was walking but my head was turned the other way. I stopped, turned my head forward, and there was a tetherball pole, 3 inches in front of my face!

Also, at this place called Ainsworth hot springs (Ainsworth is the town and the hot springs is the reason everyone goes there) I was swimming, then I stopped and right in front of me was the side of the pool. But I had my eyes closed! wooo!

I was walking with my head in my coat, I stopped, and there was an elephant and an H-bomb. A deadly combination. So now I'm riding my elephant carrying my H-bomb around and ordering Five Alive. I'm still sane. Uh-oh, the elephant doesn't have that sense. It walked straight into the wall and I dropped my H-bomb. But it didn't blow up. You thought it would? Man, you are stereotypical. Remember what I said about them? "Always get dolby?" you say. No, never trust 'em. Not all the bombs blow up. Also, I have an ability to make words ecksessyvelee lawngur than they need to be. not = knaughte.

gr8. just gr8.

I was walking along aurora ave, and I saw this TROLL. It was a big troll. And creepy. It was all big, and fat, and it had Hermionie in its hands. Suddenly, Quirell ran in and yelled "TROLL! IN THE DUNGEON!!"
Oh wait... wrong uh... wrong... Troll.
No, this Troll and some creepy gun-like thing in its hands. He shot at me. So I ran into the Big-K-Mart.
He chased after me. I went to the cashier.
"Excuse me Elizigerth" I said.
"That's not my name, shopper."
"Never mind. A TROLL has been like... chasing me... so I need help."
"Well why didn't you say so? Worthless plastic defence items are in Universe 6, Galaxy 4532491, Solar System 3543, Planet 34, Continent 4, City 39459586754545542, Street 238484757346548365644757465, Building 390483748364573456473. AKA, aisle 2."
So, after time-portal-ing... ing... I got to the worthless plastic defence items aisle, with the TROLL hot on my heals. I grabbed a rubber ducky made out of butter. And plastic. Covered in E. Coli. And I threw it at the TROLL. The TROLL died.

THE END.

I wike candy!

Yesterday we got candy! In yo face! also, theres no school today because of Remembrance Day.
Back to candy. You could hear things like "mine's sour," or "I got blue," or "It tastes like watermelon". But put it together, and whaddya get? You get sour blue watermelon! Eww! How many people want to eat sour blue watermelon?
This foreign exchange student from korea in our class has this English-Korean tranlastion thing that can pronounce what you type into it the way a duck would. I know the catch phrase "ajajajajajajajajaj" that he typed into there is going to be all over the internet soon enough.
In other news, we set up the volleyball net thing today. It is getting closer to being like that Itchy and Scratchy post. We caught a blue whale once with it.
Cinnamon buns! Yay! doo do bop a do! I got cinnamon buns and no one else did! Take that! I say as I throw cinnamon buns at everyone! Oh, no. They have eggs. Aaaaah!
"Yes, we will pelt you with eggs," says them.
"Too bad. It's no match for... T.P. man! Hello? T.P. man!"
Also I think I've come up with a thing that makes... perpetual motion? How do you begin that sentence? Ar-g-h! anyway, it involves popcorn, so give all your popcorns to me! I need them! You'll be "helping science." What wonders will come on a 3-day weekend!
Did you know i have a stainless steel ruler that stings when I whack it at people? It's multipurpose. You can use it as a catapult, a whip, and if done just right it can be used as a range weapon.
I don't mean throwing it, it won't harm anyone that way.
"Well yeah, but it can't be used in magic," say the peeps from runescape.
It also folds up and comes with a portable generator! You can use it to fix your car. Canadian tire: ooooooooooooo(goes on for another minute)oooooo I'll start with yooou.

ONCE UPON SOME TIME...

...there lived a singing mermaid. Who had a lemonade swimming pool. and she HATED mayonaise!! UGH!

But this was no ordinary mermaid. This mermaid was also... a... princess. So she needed a prince. I mean duh! What fairy tale doesn't have a princess looking for a prince?!

So, she went to Seattle. To look for a prince. Duh. The leaves were by now gone, and were placed by hives of E. Coli.
She left.
And went to... um... Lake Quinalt... Lodge. I guess. She had a pretty good time there, but she didn't find a prince. Oh darn.
So she traveled way WAY east, to Sweden. She saw some guy who she thought was a prince, so she went up to him and started talking to him.
"Hi there, i'm a singing mermaid, and I need a prince. Are you a prince?"
The swedish dude replied, "Yå tålå intå Svenskå? Tala ya? Ya? Innedianå?"
"Uh..." she said. "What?"
"ÅÅÅÅÅÅÅÅÅÅÅÅÅÅÅÅ!!!" said the prince-like guy.
"Ok..." she said, slowly backed away, and realized that she wasn't in water. That's bad, because if you aren't in water, and you're a mermaid, you die. Duh. So... she did.

THE END.

well, now its 50.

And today, to celebrate the 50th post on this blog, I went roller skating!!

No actully, it was on a field trip. We all went roller skating at Roll-a-way arena for a class party. It ruled.

Except for when I was at the snack bar. Because I was standing there and I wanted a cookie but...
Oh wait, that was from that time when my school exploded.
But today, when the tiger was let out, it was SOOOOOOOOOO FUN! See, there was this tiger hiding in the nachos that i ordered, and when i got 'em, the tiger started roaring, and it lept out of my nachos and attacked my Fritos and my slab of canadian beef with E. Coli, and so that was when i got mad.
But then it attacked my friends Chris, Andrew, Walter, Ian, Nigel, and Chad, and that part was funny.
Chris was saying: "ALL RIGHT YOU #$^$%-IN TIGER!!!! LEAVE OR I'LL USE SOME AWSOME TI-KWAN-DO MOVE ON U!!! YOU'RE SO STUPID! EVERYTHING IS DUMB! NOTHING IS EVER MY FAULT, IT'S ALWAYS SOMEONES ELSES!!!"
Walter was getting eaten by the tiger, because he was a really bad skater.
Colin was saying: "Y'know, I'm kinda fat. And pretty sweaty."
Ian was just laughing.
Nigel was saying: "I want Jack Skellington the pumpkin king to come to my house. He totally rules."
Chad was saying: That's crap man! Those shoes are crap! That tiger is crap! Everything is just stupid and crappy 'cause I'm way to cool to actully be scared, so I'm just gonna critisize everything."
Andrew was saying: "Yeah man, man, man, man is the best word ever. Man, man, man, man, man!"

You get the idea. Then, it ate me.
So I'm standing here in the afterlife, having a nice slab of E. Coli beef, writing this. O crap, that tiger came to the afterlife too.
Gotta go.

Sterotypes...

Yay, 50 posts I think! Something like that!!! Oh, wait. 49.

Yesterday in social studies we learned about stereotypes, and now I know that they are lying. Some stereotypes are stupid. Wait, no. All stereotypes are stupid. I used to think that sterotypes were, like, Sony and Toshiba, and Yamaha. Silly me.
But the world would be much crazier if stereotypes were real.
In the case of countries: In Canada it snows all the time. NO IT DOESN'T.
Bob (driving to canadian customs): Hey, there's a glacier in my way.
Fred: Excatly. It's been snowing in Canada since the beginning of time.
Or, for Disneyland:
Bob (at Disneyland): Man, I thought I’d have to wait in line and pay $50!
Fred: Nope. It’s complete paradise. Would you like another morphine injection?
Bob: Bring it on!
Or, in the case of brand names:
Computer: Windows will blow up your computer in 10 seconds.
Bob (Using windows): What the hey? I told it not to!
Fred: Windows is full of bugs. You know that.
Don’t do streotypes.
Broughttoyoubyfacelesshealthadministration.
F.H.A.

oh... sweet... the skit....

2ND PART OF MY FANTABOULUS SKIT THINGY IS HERE YIPPEEEEEEEE!!!!!!!!!!

Frank: Good. Then you wouldn’t mind if I investigate your bed.

Chris: Actually, I’d rather you not.

Frank: Why?

Chris: I just don’t usually let strangers into my bedroom.

Frank: No, it’s ok. I’ll only be a minute.

Chris: No! It’s very messy. You might step on something and you’ll injure your foot.

Frank: I’ll be careful.

Chris: No! It’s too embarrassing. The paint’s all ugly and everything.

Frank: Come on Chris. We know that’s not true.

Chris: What are you talking about?

Frank: What are you trying to hide?

Chris: Nothing!

Frank: Did you rip off your tag?

Chris: No!

Frank: Then what is it?

Chris: Alright! I admit it! I killed my wife and stuffed her body inside my bed!

Frank: Why, that’s pretty suspicious.

Chris: What are you going to do with me?

Frank: Well, lucky for you, I couldn’t care less who you killed. I’m just here to check your tag. So let me just take a minute. (leaves into other room, few seconds later, rushes back in) Ah-ah! I knew it! You are the tag ripper- offer! You’re coming with me! (handcuffs Chris and pushes him outside)

THE END.

Rewinding time!

First of all, my last post was sorta confusing. The last three sentences were "truth in the bending". When it bent backward that's really lying. I do like Five Alive! I want it all! Me! ME! BLAGHJOSEWIHRGOIH
Oops! Technical difficulties!
Anyway, my Uncle's here. We made some videos where it needs to be played backwards in order to be funny/amazing. For instance, eating a slice of bread, knocking down a tower, and taking an air drink from a water bottle.Speaking of rewinding time...
I was on the autobahn yesterday. In my wind-up car. I decided to use the fusion propulsion system and justice rocket booster rocket rocket fire! Got sidetracked again. because it was a perfect time to use them. Then my car turned one-dimentional and went to 2004 B.C.! The time when the GWR team didn't rule the book market! Soz I crash into a rock and the GWR team says "wow! that's the fastest wind up car! write that down."
Me: Hey, guys. What have you been doing for the past two weeks or so?
GWR: Counting rocks. We're up to 99,857! We plan to celebrate the 100,000th rock by making a bonfire 100,000 feet high!
Me: Mm-hmm. whazabout dinosaurs? Seen any?
GWR: Nah. I guess they died.
Me: Oh, phooey. I was hoping to see one.
GWR: Well, we have seen some stages of development for evolution over there. It's pretty boring.
(there's a rock with a fish on it)
Me: Neat. Got anything to drink?
GWR: We'll we've got this citrus drink called Five Alive, but of course you can't have that.
Me: Aw, that's too bad. I guess I'll just go on home and- pyong-pyong-pyong-pyong-pyong! (I grab it from them) So long, suckers!
GWR: Don't worry, we'll catch him with our volleyball/gill net!
Me: Oh, no! They must mean the one from school! Aah!
(I get caught and catapulted at them. The five alive bottle breaks on the fish/reptile on that rock.)
Me: Smooth, guys.
GWR: You started it.
Me: No you did.
GWR: You did! I'll kill you! HSPUODHUTWHENVOA
Oops! Technical difficulties!

i was right, wasnt eye?

YES I WAS, 2DAYS POST IS BETTER!!!

Because... I have the first part of a skit that i made up called "Bed tag investigators" staring Frank and this other dude!!!

(Frank knocks on door, Chris answers it)

Frank: Good day, I’m Officer Frank, BTI. May I come in?

Chris: Um…Sure.

(Frank steps in)

Frank: What’s your name?

Chris: Um, Chris. Um…What does BTI stand for?

Frank: You mean you never heard of it?

Chris: No.

Frank: BTI. Bed Tag Investigators. I check bed tags. You know, the tags that say ‘do not remove under penalty of law’. You’ll be amazed how many people remove those tags. That’s where I come in. I investigate beds and find and arrest those culprits who carelessly remove those ‘do not remove’ tags!

Chris: Woah! Calm down.

Frank: Sorry. Anyway, I’m sure you’ve probably heard. There’s an epidemic in your neighborhood.

Chris: An epidemic of what?

Frank: Of tag-ripper-offers of course! And I’m going bedroom to bedroom looking for clues. You wouldn’t know anything would you?

Chris: No officer.

TO BE CONTINUED...

OMG OMG OMG OMG OMG OMG!!!!!!!

YOU DONT LIKE FIVE ALIVE I THOUGHT U WERE IN LOVE WITH FIVE ALIVE UR AN IDIOT NAH I'M JUST KIDDING AND I GUESS I CAN STop typing in all caps.

Guess what everybody?

"What!"
"What?"
*What?"
"What?*

yes, this post sucks, you're right. But don't worry, I have a kick*** idea for a post 4 tomorrow.

No, but seriously, guess what. And I'm not going to let you guess.
Correct! I won a billion dollar lottery! And guess what I'm gonna buy with that crapload of money!!!!!!
Here's a list of what I'm gonna buy:

A hook for my hand.
An eyepatch for my eye, (For those of you who don't know, I actully am blind in one eye).
A peg leg for my leg.
A pirate ship.
A pirate crew.

Then I'm gonna pillage, plunder, blunder, and get caught and thrown into jail.

Yes, I know this post sucks. But like I said, tomorrow's gonna be better. Bye.

Kinda like Silly Putty!

No, I haven’t eaten a creep. But I did eat ice cream and nanaimo bars at my sis’s birthday which I’m guessing are better than creeps. Now that, people, was sorta late breaking news. Nowadays we’ve got media going “Terrorists kamikazied into the WTC” and “Christopher Coloumbus has discovered two new continents”, which is not late-breaking news. I’m sorta confused on why a North American media place would say the second one. But we give you early-breaking news! instead of the other thing! Now you’re confused. No really, we twist the truth. No, we bend it at 180 degrees. “Truth is not represented by a paper clip” says you. “You stretch it like a rubber band”. Okay, whiner. You make it sound like an ad for the next generation of silly putty: TRUTH! Stretch it squish it bend it and it holds it’s shape! amaze your freinds who will think that you can bend it but you really cant! like a fork! Here we go with the bending of truth:
I woke
..............up
.......................on
..............................an
................................... elephant
.............................................which
.................................................did
....................................................the
.......................................................hula
..........................................................and
............................................................gave
..............................................................me
...............................................................space
................................................................pirates.
.................................................................They
.................................................................were
.................................................................women.
...............................................................Five
............................................................Alive
...................................................tastes
.......................................like
......................crap.

Creeps

Have you ever eaten a CREEP??????? WHAT???? YOU HAVEN'T?????????? ARGGHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! IT'S THE FREKIN BEST FOOD EVER MAN TRY IT TRY IT TRY IT!!!!!!!!!!!!!

So, a "creep" is this one kinda food I just made up. But it's good. Want the recepie? Right here man. Right here.

INGREDIENTS:

1,000,000,000,000 black widow spiders. (dead).
700 glowing eyeballs. (Make sure they're green).
Juice.
More juice.
Chip dip.
And some cow pies!

INSTRUCTIONS:

Grab a big bowl. Make sure it's all moldey and stuff.
Pour the orange juice in it.
Watch the orange juice slowly turn green. (Kewl!!!!!)
Drop some cow pies in it. Or some of your-pies if you really need to go.
Leave it outside for three days.
After three days, bring it back in, and dump all the glowing eyeballs in.
Throw about 30 of those black widows in too.
Put the rest in your sisters bed.
Put some more cow pies in.
Put the rest in your brothers bed.
After your punishment, put the bowl in the microwave.
Set it for 48 hours later.
After two days are up, take it out.
Wait for it to cool off.
Eat it. It'll be disgusting. Yay.
Now, pour the rest in your parents bed.
Get kicked out of the house.
Bye!!!!

oh right, and the chip dip. Just drink it man. Or throw it away. I don't really care.

series of unfortunate events!

Yes folkeys, there is a NEW (yes, new) series of unfortunate events book. W00t! P4wned! PØned! Or however u say that!

Our principal didnt get his head shaved. But he grew a mustache. Woohoo! And our ol' vice principal, Mr. Staroski, got some cool plastic surgury so now he has an eye behind his ear. Cool!

And... I can't think of anything to saaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaayyyy!!!!!!!!
Oh wait, I got it. I'll tell you about why I like E. Coli so much. (Listen carefully, pizza man!). It's because I saw this cool "good drug" ad, that, y'know, talked about these good drugs that save u from colds and things, but really give you heart attacks. And it went all,

It's called, virginapletex,
It's made by Campreno,
But before you start to use it,
There are some things you should know,
It may cause...

Hyprovation,
Dehydration,
Constapation,
Iliteration,

But it's worth it... for the drugs I need!!!!

Is it hard to get asleep?
Hard to stay awake?
Hard to stay inside and rest,
Hard to bake a cake?

I don't really care about your problems,
But I'll offer you this,
Virginacaplex is the drug for you,
Just don't use it on kids,

'cause It may cause...

School suspension,
Lunch detention,
Fun probation!

But it's worth it... for the drugs I need!

Yeah, you get the idea. I'm taking it!!!

Our principal magically (because he's a magician) got his head shaved!

Yeah! He promised that he would if the profits or maybe it was the proceeds were $7500 from this stupid fundraiser. Each student needed to sell 2 magazine subscriptions on average. I didn't sell any. But the man got his head shaved anyway.
Only one other person in my class agreed that the magazine company was using us. And their bribes! Oh, win all this electronic crap and an ipod and a PS3! also get $10000 for your travel budget! (for the 10 grand you had to sell 30 subscriptions and then they would draw you from a hat, I think). Boy would I like to give 'em a magazine. Of bullets. From one of those 50 kaliber guns that the student brought to school for the leaf fight. I mean, students said "i sold 20" on the first day of fundraisins when it was only possible to sell 16 on the first day. The only upside is my principle is bald.

And about this E.coli thing that shmebb's got going... I can say a fatal sickness a lot, too! Camp-campylobacter, camp-camp, campylobacter! Jammin on the one, jammin on the one! J-J-Jammin on the one, jammin on the one! Oh, I heard there's somethin going through da air but no one's got it yet, it's called legionnaires'! shiggity, shiggity, shigella! shigella! And it's partner salmonella right in front of my eye, oh good god, clostridium tetani! Holler-uh for cholera! Wish I could smell 'em, measles mumps 'n' rebellum, typhoid and dysentery, they're all scary. ya got the avian flu, foo?

oh we're off to see the Toth and Gough, the wonderful Toth and Gough of Oz...

I'LL BET YOU DON'T KNOW WHO THOSE PEOPLE ARE!!!!!!!

Yeah you don't. Meep.

Mr. Toth and Mr. Gough are people. They live in a log. Either the log is very big, or the people are very small. I don't know which. One of those two.
So one day, Mr. Toth was walking to his good friend Mr. Skidmore's house. Mr. Gough decided to come with him. At Mr. Skidmore's house, there was a man named Mr. Staroksi and a man named Mr. Middleton there. Along with a man named Mr. Sheean.
Get it yet? no? Yes? Maybe? Deppressing? Photo Booth? What?
Ok, all those people are male teachers at my school. Which happened to blow up yesterday. But today I managed to snag a cookie. YAY!
So... what else... today mom and dad decided to shop at Big-Box-Store-Type-Lots-Of-Junk-Place-Up-To-The-Walls-Mart. They bought a 500 pound egg. Then they went to Costs-a-lot-Co. And Salmon's Club. They got a spoon which costed...ed...ed about 93,598,439,309,496,999 dollars. Ouch. And they got some trout.
Finally, they went to Dangourus-Way. They bought some Emerald Nuts.
EXTREME
NURSES
LOVE
EMERALD
NUTS
Remember those ads? I thought they were hilarious. At www.emeraldnuts.com they have 'em. and they're hilarious.
Ok, I'm meeting this one guy at Fells-Wargo so I'd better go. Bye.

The Itchy and Scratchy shooooow! donk.

I volunteered to help set up the volley ball net indefinitely for the rest of the year at school. "Uh, that doesn't sound indefinite at all," you say because you like the word uh. Well, I don't know when it's happening until they say "come on, time to set up the volleyball net." The problem is, it is built for slapstick. Features:

• Very strong winch with ratchet
  
• 2 20 foot long nets
  
• Heavy metal poles
  
• Numerous ropes and S-hooks
  

You can see how this is dangerously hilarious. Say for instance, the other peeps and I are almost done setting up the net. We put the last pole in the floor and hook the last rope up, someone starts cranking the winch, which makes the net come off the floor. But uh-oh! The person lets go of the winch, and the ratchet doesn't work! Someone trips and falls into the net, which almost rips the poles out of the floor, but everyone pulls them back which slingshots the person who tripped onto the basketball hoop. An S-hook came out of the middle pole, so someone goes to fix it, but ends up getting stuck in the ropes. The winch person asks for help and the four remaining people try to turn the winch. Oh. the ratchet worked this time. Someone unlocks it, and the winch goes flying, somebody gets whanged in the head (3 down, 3 to go), and the person who is trapped in the ropes gets wound up in one of the nets, don't ask me how. So then the ropes are tied up, and the person in the middle hands them an S-hook with a rope attached. They pull it over to the winch, but it ends up twisting the middle pole and swinging both nets around. the fiberglass rods(not the metal ones) come flying out, pinning the person who was wound up in the ropes to the wall by his clothes. This sandwiches a guy between the two nets that had reattached themselves to the same poles. that guy winds up like twisting a pencil up in a rubber band. As the last two go to get him, he unwinds and get thrown against the wall, getting a fatal wedgie on one of the coat hooks. The last two figure that this isn't worth setting up, so they get the poles. One guy trips with two and they give him a concussion, and the last guy tries putting the third one away, but as he untwists the thing that keeps the pole taught, he accidentaly unscrews it too far and the pole leans one way, bending the floor up a little. The guy jumps down and pushes the floor in place which acts like the Sideshow Bob- stepping-on-a-rake principle. You can see that this is dangerously hilarious indeed. People get stuck in basketball hoops, get slingshotted, and get knocked out.
If I had to choose which guy I would be, I would be the guy who gets pinned to the wall. That was probably the funnest.
And that's the end of my post! donk.

I know, I'm evil

Yes yes yes, I didn't post yesterday. How insanely evil of me. Maybe I should just quit posting...

HAHAHA!!!!!!! IM KIDDING!!! ILL NEVER STOP POSTING!!!!!! EVEN THOUGH I DID ABOUT A WEEK AGO!!! BUT THAT WAS BECAUSE I WAS ABDUCTED TO A PLACE WITH NO INTERNET CONNECTION!!!! ILL STOP TYPING IN ALL CAPS NOW I THINK!!!!
And... nothing else.
But... today wasent cool. My school blew up, I broke my spine, but the worst part was when I was trying to get a cookie in the lunch line but I couldn't. I mean jeez!!!
I was going through the line, and there was the lady, and I'm all "I want some pizza and a cookie lunch lady"
and she says "I'm a guy. A lunch man." And I'm all "Whatever just give me my food."
and she/hes all "Heres ur pizza, but i dont have cookies."
and I'm all "WHAT!? WHY NOT!!!"
and shes all "cause the school blew up. You should be glad we're still serving lunch!"
and I'm all "SHUT UP! I WANT MY COOKIE!!"
so she's all "fine, I'll give you a billion dollars if you just shut up"
and I'm all "NEVER! I WANT MY COOKIE!!! GIVE IT TO ME GREY DAVIS OR I'LL P4WN YOU!! WHATEVER THAT MEANS!"
and shes all "I'm not grey davis."
and I'm all "ok then Shwartzanhagger."
and she's all "I'm not ol' arnold either. I have nothing to do with california."
and I'm all "whatev. just give me something to eat. I want something good."
so she gives me a big slob of canadian beef covered in E. Coli and I'm all "Ew. Shut up." so thats when she started screaming and killed me which is why my spine is broke. ow!!!

Trick or treat!

give me sugar, do you want to see my booger? Too much sweets, don't know how, I've got diabetes now.
I was bored. I went as internet spam and scared everyone.
Man, people were trykrtrytin early! They started around 5:00 PM! But because of daylight savings stuff, that would be 14:00 AM, on valentines day. Boy, how much those two holidays contrast.
It's a good thing that soy touch wore off, because I can eat my candy now without barfing.
NO ONE gave out Five Alive, Twix, or 100 Grand(the candy, not the money).
I wonder how many people dressed up as something that involved wearing a lot of black.
I fooled my dad by hiding my face in my coat and was able to get caramilk.
Maybe next year as a costume I should carry a basket full of toilet paper.
French lesson!: Vous pourez gagner noir Deli Canq. Translate in 2 nanoseconds and I give you something!
I'll tell you what it was: You could win black Five Alive! Something like that. If you translated it in time, that's what I give you!

Oh, yeah it did snow.. on top of the mountain that's across the lake. But the snow's getting lower every minute...

SNOWY SNOWY SNOWY!!!

THIS JUST IN FROM SHMEBB NEWS TV THINGY... LIKE KOMO 4 OR KING 5 OR KIRO 7 OR ONE OF THOSE... ANYWAYS... THIS IS JUST IN:

BAM!! Everybody was really happy today, because, in Seattle WA, a very important man drove up to his home in his purple Volvo and got out. Everybody cheered. For this man, was Shmebb, the most important person ever. And he was home from a weekend-long vacation in Priest Lake, Idaho. Woohoo!!

THIS ALSO JUST IN FROM SHMEBB NEWS TV THINGY... LIKE KOMO 4 OR KING 5 OR KIRO 7 OR ONE OF THOSE... ANYWAYS... THIS IS JUST IN:

BAM!! Everybody was not very happy today because Shmebb kept on talking in the 3rd person which really annoys him, and that he used that stupid tv idea thing twice.
Plus, it snowed. Yes, here in Seattle WA, it snowed. About half an inch, which to us Seattle-ians, is a lot. I'll bet you got none in Canada Pizza Guy!! No actully, it didnt snow. BUT, there was some snow in the Cascades. Yay!

YET AGAIN, THIS IS JUST IN FROM SHMEBB NEW TV THINGY... LIKE KOMO 4 OR KING 5 OR KIRO 7 OR ONE OF THOSE... ANYWAYS... THIS IS JUST IN:

BAM!! It's halloween! And people are throwing eggs and T.P-ing my house because I keep on using this stupid news thing and now it is getting seriously old!!! TRICK OR TREAT!!! I'm giving out toothbrushes and carrots. Please don't kill me everyone. No, I'm actully gonna be out there trick or treating with the rest of all yall.

OK, THIS NEWS REPORT IS OVVEERRRRRR!!

Dong! Dong! Dong! Dong! Dong! Dong! Dong! Dong! Dong! Dong! Dong! Dong!

That's the sound the bell... makes.. when it's midnight, duh. I woke up, and my mattress is sticky and melting! I walk downstairs, turning everything I touch into goopy stuff.
"Oh, no!" says mom, wondering why I'm up. "everything you touch turns into soy! except yourself."
"Hey, this is kinda fun! so if I touch this wall, then-"
"Did you touch it? Oh, look. you did. Now our house is melting like silly putty," says mom.
"Oh, no the silly putty! I needs to save it!" But I can't run upstairs because they turned into soy. I run outside. Our porch turns into soy, and so does the sidewalk. I run into the streets which turn into soy. Oh, no! a porsche! Normally I'd say yay, but this one is about to run me over! Noooo! With a splat, it turns into soy and I dont get hurt.
"Hey, you wrecked our car," says the owner who punches me but he turns into soy and dies. I go down to the park. where I walk, things turn to soy. I go on the beach, where every grain of sand I touch turns into soy. I get up, but trip over a kid's sand castle and fall into the lake. oops. Now the whole lake is soy. I run to the hospital and tell them my problem.
"Sorry, we've got no medication." But I see a 5 alive bottle! yay! I drink it and it turns into soy. Aw, crap! What's a world without 5 alive? I am suicidally depressed. I ask the doctor for a gun and he gives me the choice of a rocket launcher or AK-47.
"Where'd you get those?"
"Well I'm paid by taxes and they're very high in this country."
I take the AK-47 which turns to soy. It's not fair. But wait! the bridge! I could jump into the soy lake and be killed! I run to the bridge but the road part turned into soy, so I had to climb the unnessecary struc-tur-ing. whew. But those turned into soy and dropped me gently on the ground! aah! But, as an experiment, I went to Safeway and touched some soy milk. It turned into... skim milk. Uhhhh.. Hopefully this will stop when halloween ends.

Oh, yeah, it says 12 o clock down there. It's because of this daylight savings thing. I never knew how to save daylight. I mean, It's easy to swing on a star, and carry moonbeams home in a jar, but not sunbeams. This reminds me of a simpsons thing:

The simpsons have just landed in Australia after a long flight.
Homer: *yawns* it was 1:30 am on monday when we left, now what time is it?
Lisa: It's 6:30 PM next wednesday!

DEATHBALL!

IT'S WHAT WE PLAYED TODAY! DURING LUNCH RECESS BECAUSE IT RAINED! SORRY, I STILL HAVE THE DEATHBALL MOOD! ALMOST GONE... there! Deathball is a violent game between two teams. It works like regular dodge ball except:
1. There's no outs.
2. It is okay to walk up to the other team and slam a ball at them from any range.
3.You can set up barricades!
This makes for a violent game. Paul Martin (that guy I talked about a while ago) would be like "let's give B.C. schools funding to buy more balls because Deathball needs it," and parliament are grinning and he says "what's so funny?" and they show what's in their hands and it's a buncha balls! Paul Martin's like NOOOOOOO! and the rest of the parliament smokes him! But then Arnold Shwartz-i-negg-er and James Bond appear and it's like "Go ahead make my day" and then Ottawa explodes! This is truly a violent game. I've only played it once before which stinks, because it's the only game in gym which is fun. I mean that it's the only fun game I play in gym, not that it's the only game played. It's so violent, It makes the Iraq war look like deathball! Oops, that comparison didn't work.
Oh, well.

Well guess where I'm blogging from.... man!!

Thats right! The regular place that I always blog at!!! Which is my room!!! On my computer!!! Yay!!!
But....... heres some bad news.
I WONT' BE POSTING FRIDAY, SATURDAY, AND SUNDAY. AND I PUT THAT LITTLE UPSIDE DOWN COMMA THING IN THE WRONG PLACE. OH YEAH. ITS' CALLED APOSTROPHE. I PUT IT IN THE WRONG PLACE THERE TOO. I SUPPOSE I CAN STOP TYPING IN ALL CAPS.
So... I guess I should start getting to the content right about now. Dang pizza guy. He did a good one. It'll be hard to top.
No, I will not be sharing my day with all you guys. Stop asking me that. Oh, I know. you're probably wondering why I'm posting this blog at 1 AM. Yeah you are, don't deny it mistah!!
It's like this. I was sleeping, at about 11:00, when suddenly, a ruthless band of space pirates crashed through my window. And then my bookshelf grew a face and hands and grabbed my bed and played jacks with the pirates. My bed was that ball thingy, and the pirates were the little pointy things. I actully don't know how to play jacks, but I think the bookshelf won... against itself... shut up.
So then it blew my lava lamp up, and.... went to Portobolonia. He went to the swamp, -don't ask me which swamp, you know which swamp. The swamp- and then he did whatever you do next and... I dunno. Whatever those directions say in that earlier post with the completely random title. My worst, I think.
Anydangways, back on track. Then, my the shards of my previously awsome lava lamp went to my reading lamps shards, (it had blown up too) and they paired up, and started square dancing on my bed. YEEEEEE HAW! RIDE 'EM COWBOY! SWING YOUR PARTNER ROUND AND ROUND, NOW SOMETHING SOMETHING AND DONT SOMETHING... something... whatever it was.
Then, I pushed the shards off my pillow and went to sleep. Then I woke up again and about 1:00, and felt bored. So I posted this. Which you just finished reading. I should probably get back to bed.



Oh yeah, and just kidding. I finished posting this at 5:20 PM on Thursday the 27 of October. FOOLED YA!

Guess where I'm blogging from?

My computer class! 's right! They let us do that. But today: GWR interviews my sister! why? Because we paid good money to have our dining room chairs cleaned and she spills something on half of them. OMG! What is up? She must have some uncontrollable telekinetic power. Then the GWR team showed up at our door in the form of a time portal.
GWR: Is your sister here?
Me: Yes...
GWR: Can we see her?
Me: Okay, but one question. What's that chintzy fake looking thing you came out of?
GWR: That's the time portal we own. In your local bookstore there's the holigraphicy 2006 GWR book?
Me: Yeah. I hate the color, just to let you know.
GWR: Well our future selves traveled into 2006 and made that. Right now your looking at the GWR team from 2004 and we're making the 50th anniversary book! So can we see your sister?
Me: Yep. Hey sis, some people from Guiness World Records are here to see you.
Sis: What for?
Me: Yeah, what for?
GWR: She sets the record for the most accidental spills in a week.
Me: You apparently set the record for being a klutz.
(sis comes in)
Sis: so what do I need to do?
GWR: Tell us how many spills you did in the last week.
Sis: well, I spilled 2 glasses of milk, some marinated pork, parmesan cheese, and I almost spilled my brother's glass of Five Alive.
Me: That could not be a coincedence.
GWR: That's incredible. We have a great new record!
Me: I can set a record, too! I'm gonna set the world record for puttin' nine pieces of chewed gum on my face and singing the "I'm Just Me" song while hoppin' around on one foot!
(a hovercraft comes crashing through the wall)
GWR: Oh, great. Back off, you hack.
Me: Who's he?
GWR: That's Ripley. From Ripley's believe it or not,
Ripley: That's right, we heard that there's someone around who has telekinetic power. Scram, jerks!
GWR: No way, Ripley. This thing's ours. We got here first, fair and square. Plus, we time traveled so we have rights to this.
Ripley: Well I triple-dog-dared you to get no records for the next month. No backsies.
GWR: But we can run faster.
Ripley: Okay, we'll go to our respective publishers to publish this... as fast as we can! Readysetgo!
(Ripley jumps into his hovercraft and flies away)
GWR: He thinks he's so smart. We'll go back into 2004 and publish and copyright this so when he publishes it we can sue his non-skeptic ass off.
(They step through the chintzy time portal again)

But in real life, are they so different? I mean they both have advanced technology, a holigrapic cover which maybe doubles the price of each book, and an attitude that deserves a mentioning in each of their books. Can't they get along?
My sister's ability never got published because Ripley's hovercraft was eaten by the Lochness monster and Bigfoot, and the GWR crew went to 2004 B.C. by accident, the farthest back any civilized person has gone.
Next time on...
PUBLISHER BATTLES!:
J.K. Rowling and Lemony Snicket finally face off, along with Douglas Adams!

INTERVIEW'D!!!

Blech! Boy did my last post completely suck!!!!
I still cant think of anything cool and interesting to write, so I'm gonna write an interview, completely stealing The Pizza Guy's idea. And it's gonna suck.
So, before I begin the interview, lemme tell you a bit of background information. NO ITS NOT ABOUT MY DAY!!!!!!!!
Ok, it is. Fine. Today I was sitting in my chair knitting a stuffed kitten for the annual "stuffed kittens rule" party, (Uh... Don't ask), when my doorbell rang.
It's a really soft ring, and I cant hear it very well. So... I didn't. So... The guy behind the door got all mad and blew it up. Then he stepped inside, and said to me.... "Do you want to buy some tapes?"
Now he rests in E. Coli acres, just next to my grave.
I got really mad at the peoples who that salesman worked for, so I went to the head person, and demanded an interview. Here goes.

ME: Hello there Mr. Salesmansboss.
HP: that's not my na-
ME: Shut up.
HP: Oh well you're just a bright ray of sunshine today.
ME: Sorry, but I'm in a bad mood. Your salesman toda-
HP: I don't own that salesm-
ME: Shut up. So anyway, your salesman today tried to sell me tapes. What do you have to say about that?
HP: Well.... I gotta make a living somehow.
ME: I thought I told you to shut up. But I looked at the box of tapes after he was dead and I saw that they cost-
HP: Wait wait wait... Back up a moment. You killed my salesman?
ME: No...
HP: Phew.
ME: I unleashed my cats of doom on him. Luckily, they killed him, unlike that first one.
HP: I'm gonna report you to the police.
ME: I said shut up. But I saw that those tapes costed about 1,000,000,000,000,000 bucks man!!!
HP: Yeah, well, they're really really good.
ME: Oh yeah? What are they called?
HP: "The Best Of Cher." I love that one part, that's going all "Babe.... I got you Babe..."
ME: Lets not go there. Obviously, the only way they would be worth that much is if they were all "Elliott Smith."
HP: Ew.
ME: Yeah, but we're off the subject. Point is, they costed to much.
HP: I think they're worth that much.
ME: Yeah, well you're wrong. And he blew up my door man!!!!!!!!!
HP: Hey, you can't expect him to just sit around waiting for you to finish knitting your stuffed dog-
ME: -kitten-
HP: -while there are things for him to do!!!!
ME: Well, it's gonna cost me a lot to fix that door.
HP: To bad. Not my fault.
ME: Well, what are you planning to do about this!!!!
HP: Probably giggle all night long.
ME: Say hello to E. Coli acres man.
HP: Hi.
ME: Shut up. Ok, this interview is OVERRRR!!!!!!!!!!!!!

So now if you go to E. Coli acres, you'll see yet another grave by "Mr. Salesman," which says,

MR. SALESMANSBOSS.
(Otherwise known as HP by Box o Chox bloggers)
Was buried here Oct. 26, 2005, on account of saying "hi" to E. Coli acres! And not shutting up!
Was buried with like, 50 rats in there.
You do NOT want to rob this grave.

We got a piece of gum.

In school! Our teacher gave us a piece of gum to chew in school! I'm still chewin on it. It just goes to show how wiiild and craazy the school system is in Canada. 'S like, Paul Martin (you've probably never heard of him) says to parliament or whoever he talks to, "Hey guys the strike is over how 'bout givin a piece a gum to each of the students?" And they're all, "Well gum wastes tax dollars," and he's all "But it's spearmint," and they're like "still, it wastes tax dollars. Let's get something cheaper like grilled swordfish." Then Paul's like "You guys have no sense of money at all. This is how the strike got started. Let's get king crab," and they're all, "you are King Crab of Canada, and the strike was in B.C." and he's all "well let's go to the B.C. guy" and they're all "fine." So they go down to the B.C. guy's office and he's like "gimme yo money or I'll cut you," and he pulls out a knife. Paul's like "I know you're still worried about the strike but we can't decide what to give the students" and he says "GUM!".
Sorry. I got side tracked.
Another story was one person (name disclosed) was daring another person (name disclosed) to ask another person (name disclosed) if they wanted to go out. Of course person 2 did not ask person 3 out. That would be silly. I mean, they don't even know where to go on a first date. I'd recommend the Outer Clove which is garlic and space themed and an idiot would know it if they went in. But person 2 says to me "hey my breath will stink afterwards." and I say "well, person 2, as long as you eat parsley, and this wild new school-funded spearmint gum, then your breath won't stink." He says "stop calling me person 2" and I say ok, but are you asking person 3 out sometime?" He says "I don't know who person 3 is." And I say forget it. Ah, well. There's like, so many requested dates and proposed proposals and not enough dates and proposals.

OUT EARLY!!!

Ooooooooh, we got to get out of school early 2day. I got home at 1:00. AM. Naw just kiddin. PM. For me, thats early. i know, I suck.
Today I have a quick poll for you. It's like one of those stupid polls you take in school where they say "any answer is correct." EXCEPT... they aren't all correct. But I won't go insane and releash my hideous troop of flying skelotons opon you if you get any wrong. Here goes.

1. How much wood would a woodchuck chuck if a woodchuck could chuck wood?

A: 15 ounces
B: Eggs
C: Five
D: Y = X, but X is equivelent to Z, so that means that um....
E: I dunno.

2. Do you pronounce "r" as "aw?"

A: Yes
B: No
C: I dunno

3. Does this blog entry completely suck?

A: DUH!!!!!!
B: Yes
C: No
D: ARE YOU INSANE THIS IS THE BEST ONE EVER.
E: I dunno

4. Which band is your favorite?

A: Greenday
B: Elliot Smith
C: ACDC
D: Other
E: I dunno

5. Should I stop asking you questions?

A: Yes
B: No
C: I dunno

ANSWERS:

Every single one is "I dunno." At least, it is for americans. Bye.

'Tis a script

Hey, I DO have that little dilbert toy!! I think you've seen it Pizza guy. But you're right, there are a h*lla ton of leaves here in Seattle.
So... Remember that post I did this yesterday? Not the one I did this morning at 1:00 AM, that other one. With the exterminator, and the E. Coli, and the lion, and that junk? Yeah, so I ended up liking that plot, so I made a skit out of it. Here goes:

Pest Control

Characters:
Exterminator
Sam

(Sam is in the room waiting for the exterminator. Knock on the door. Sam answers the door.)

Sam: Hello. You'’re from the pest exterminator company?
Exterminator: Yes. So what’s the problem?
Sam: Well, I just moved in here, and there are bugs everywhere, and I kind of want to get rid of them because I'm an artist and I need my privacy. These bugs can get very annoying sometimes.
Exterminator: Alright, so where are the little critters?
Sam: Well, if you would just come over here, I think there'’s a nest in this wall. See? There are ants crawling in and out of this hole here.
Exterminator: Sir, ants don'’t live inside walls. Those are termites.
Sam: Termites? Whatever. Just get rid of them. They'’re stealing my brushes.
Exterminator: They'’re stealing your what?
Sam: My paintbrushes. I can'’t do a thing without them.
Exterminator: How could the termites carry your brushes into that tiny hole?
Sam: I donÂ’t know. I didn'’t ask them. Would you like to?
Exterminator: Um, no thanks.
Sam: And over here in this corner, I'’ve got a family of roaches.
Exterminator: Woah! Those are not roaches. Roaches are just this big. No sir, those are cats.
Sam: I don'’t care if their Australian Three-Toed Eagles, I just want them gone. They make too much noise.
Exterminator: I have a size limit of bugs I can exterminate. Those things are going to eat me.
Sam: No, they don'’t eat people. I once tried to sic them on a door-to-door salesman, and he walked away without a scratch, and with my 20 bucks.
Exterminator: I still won'’t do it. I only do small bugs.
Sam: Only small bugs? How do you expect to get any business? Maybe I should hire someone else.
Exterminator: No! I'’ll do it! It'’ll just cost you extra.
Sam: Fine! I just want my privacy. Now, if you will follow me to the sink, I'’ve got rats living down there.
Exterminator: Rats? Under your sink?
Sam: Yep. They are the worst art critics ever. They keep making rude remarks about my art.
Exterminator: Sir. I don't do rats. I draw the line at rats.
Sam: Oh come on. They'’re not that big. They'’re regular sized rats.
Exterminator: No. I don'’t do any rats. I only do bugs.
Sam: Buy you’r newspaper ad says ‘takes care of bugs, rodents, and dinosaurs.
Exterminator: You shouldn'’t believe everything you read in ads.
Sam: You mean you lied?
Exterminator: Duh. That'’s what you do in advertisements. The prefix ‘ad’ means ‘lie’ in Latin. Didn'’t you know?
Sam: No. I didn'’t. But youÂ’re ad says you kill rodents and if you don'’t, I'll sue for false advertising.
Exterminator: You can'’t do that.
Sam: Oh yes I can. Giving false information in an ad is against the law. I read it in a painting once.
Exterminator: But rats are...um...they are...oh fine. I'’ll do it. Anything else you want to show me?
Sam: Oh yes. Look in this corner up here. It looks like a beehive or a wasp'’s nest or something. I don't know. I could never really tell. Hey, you'’re an expert, right? What do you think these are? Bees or wasps?
Exterminator: Those are wasps.
Sam: Oh. Wasps. Could I perhaps trade them out for bees?
Exterminator: What?
Sam: Well, bees are just more inspiring than wasps. You know what they say about the birds and the bees.
Exterminator: You got any birds to go with the bees?
Sam: Well, actually, the bird guy should be coming next week. So I would really love for all these pests to be gone by then.
Exterminator: There'’s no way I'm getting near that thing.
Sam: What? But you have to.
Exterminator: They'’re going to sting me.
Sam: Oh look. I think they like you.
Exterminator: Ow!
Sam: Here. Let me help you. (Grabs nest) Catch! (Throws nest)
Exterminator: Aaaaah! (Runs away)
Sam: I lose more exterminators that way.

THE END

We aren't burning them!

Ok, this did happen. Not like shmebbs toy thing. You know, where it fell from the ceiling. People were throwing leaves at eachother. Yesterday, it was friendly throwing. Today, it got agressive. That sounds like some weird movie preview. Anyway, it was banned because "people could get hurt". Hello! People COULD get hurt? No one has gotten hurt yet! But they will. they will. The kids will fight behind the teachers' backs.
Day 1: Friendly leaf fights. People making small teams. No one got hurt. The teachers have no problem with this.
Day 2: Grade 6 vs. Everyone else. People slamming it into everyones' faces. Teachers ban this.
Predicted Path:
Day 3: The kids will hit hard so they can get people hurt before the teachers see. I expect some wrestling.
Days 4-6: A kid will bring a leaf blower to school because he is tired of being pummeled. Other kids will follow in his footsteps.
Days 7-12: Everyone will have leafblowers. People will make trips to Seattle for leaves.
Day 13: People will bring 50-kaliber guns full of leaves.
Day 14-16: Tanks. That's right, tanks. 'cept with leaves, of course.
Days 17-20: People will back their 18 wheelers up to the playground and dump leaves.
Days 21-26: By now, people have turned in to leaf cyborgs, with nets on their torso, and catapults for arms.
Days 27-30: The principal thinks this is amusing. He magically (because he's a magician) creates a leaf sprit 20 feet high.
That's all I can think of. One month of utter terror. Did I forget to mention a big-a** spider we found in the leaves? Yes I did. Over the month, those will be bigger. Much, much bigger.

How do you do it?

Wow Pizza Guy, that last posted sucked. EDIT: Shut up. Of course, I should talk, seeing as I was abducted to a place with no internet connection for about two weeks.

Guess what??? Yes, I'm gonna share another exciting tale of my life.
This one is called, "That one little Shmebb dude plays with a little Dilbert toy!"
Once upon a time, there lived a little boy named Shmebb. Shmebb had a relatively good life, although kids often made fun of his name. One day, he was sitting at his computer, posting a post on his nerdy little blog, EDIT: hey! when a toy....... Fell from the sky. Or rather, from the ceiling, seeing as he was indoors.
This particular toy was a little office workers head. I don't mean a real head, (this is a kids story, jeez!), just a play one. It was the head of a little nerdy office worker Dilbert dullard type person. You know, with the glasses, and the big nose, and the white starchy shirt, and who can forget the tie! And the creepy comb-over!?
But this toy was more then just the head of an office worker. Everytime you slapped it, or threw it, or dropped an anvil on it, it would say something like "I agree!" or "Pure Genius!" or "How do you do it?"
This toy made Shmebb feel special. Everytime he slapped it, it would say something nice to him. I mean, who wouldn't like that? So he tried that on his sister, to see if it would make her say something nice.
He slapped her.
He was in an ambulance.
He was buried in "E. Coli acres."
No one came to his funeral.
The end.

Silly Putty!

Right. I made half a pound a silly putty in school* and I have no idea what to do with it. It's blue gray, still moist, and doesn't bounce well. I need help with thit geh-in i ouwa ma teeph. okay, got it. But it feels it has no purpose in life. It's made of:
borax
water
food coloring
glue.

*that's right, i'm back in school! There was a vote so the strike is over. Mwa, mwa mwaaaaaaaaa.

IM HOME!!!

Boy have I not been on for a while. This place is like... collecting dust.........

Do you all want to know WHY i havent been on for a super-long time???
Do ya?
Do ya?
Do ya?
Ok fine you dont.
In that case, I'll... talk about my day.
As you probably have guessed, it was not an ordinary day. I got up, got dressed, and got ready for school. But THEN, i caught my sister trying to elope with some fat guy, so I kicked her. She started screaming, and fell out of her window, but then the fat guy caught her. I left them for dead, and went into the kitchen for breakfast. Then, I found a colony of roaches in the cereal. I called an exerminator. He came, and took a look at the roaches.
"Can you get rid of these roaches?" I asked.
"Woah!" he said. "Those are not roaches! They're way to big to be roaches. No sir, those are cats."
"Well whatever they are, can you get rid of them?"
"Are you insane?" he says. "I think that one is a bit to big to be a housecat. He has a mane. No, I only deal with bugs, not cats and lions."
"Ok, fine," I say. I lead him over into the living room.
"Well," I say, "Over here I found a colony of E. Coli."
"E. Coli is invisible," he says.
"Well," I say, "can you get rid of this gross room tempuratere moldy canadian beef?"
"Naw man," he says. "Theres probably a whole ton of E. Coli on there."
"But you're an exterminator."
"Yeah sorry punk, but no. And I've had enough of this place, with its creepy stuffs. Im leaving."
Ok, that sums up my morning, and I'm to tired to explain the rest of the day. bye.

Fabric.

You heard me. We're getting the furniture in our room re-upholstered and we CANNOT decide on a fabric. Zenith cranston delray laura stonehenge subtle rockwell which one should we choose? these are just PaTtErNs. Long pants, Strong Bad! long pants! Everybody Everybody! longlong pants! whaho! thats some squishy1111! 1337N3$$! ¢Øme on! I snapped. Give us some advice quick.

It's a story...

...to get you scared for halloween! boogala goobala!

The Worm

One day, a worm peeked out of the topsoil to find that the day was a sunny one. He crawled out, looking for adventure, but adventure was nowhere in sight. He went up to the top of his favorite flower. A day of joy he thought. He lived in a rainy area, so he thought the weather would stay the same. But today seemed to be a warmer day than usual. Wait, this must mean global warming... Ahhhh! Suddenly, the whole Earth inploded and turned into a lake of molten lava. The End.

What are you dressing up as?

Title says all.
I'm going as spam.
Also, my mom's AND sister's birthdays are coming up, if you cared.

HURRICANE UPDATE! now you're awake! wilma came in on southern mexico but who cares?! for our kids menu-type puzzle we have k r and w. I seriously have no idea what this could be.

We got seasons 5 'n' 6 of the simpsons!

YEAH! In yo face, everyone who doesn't have these two seasons! Also, In yo face, everyone whose blog hasn't reached 20 posts! N-E-Weigh, simpsons: It is priceless! here's a funny moment:
Skinner is in the army supervising some troops while they launch rocket launchers out into a field. He looks through some binoculars and sees several explosions. Suddenly, Bart bicycles on the field.

Skinner: man on range! change trajectory! (or sumthin like that.)
THIS
IS
A
SPOILER.
WE
WARNED
YOU.
The soldiers pull their rocket launchers back, just as some more rockets launch. Cut to the Kwik-E-Mart, where two gas trucks and 16 pumps are in the parking lot.

Apu: 16 gas pumps! Now we can compete in the gas industry! (o.s.l.t.)

There is a whistling sound and it is dropping in pitch. Apu and that other hindu guy look around. Cut to the army base. Bart is talking to Skinner. Now this is a spoiler! do not read anymore if you want laughs to be loud!

Bart: Skinner, if Flanders was fired, Would you come back to school? (o.s.l.t.)

A red K lands on the ground.

Oh, it was funny! Seriously, you need to get it. This shrine-deserving footage is in season 5.

Y am eye knawt poastyng?

It's because of this strike. Nothing interesting is happening. And shmebb has been abducted and taken to a place with no internet connection. Since I'm bored, I'm asking you this.

If you could dump a kiloliter of concrete somewhere, where would you dump it?

I would dump it in a place called witch's hollow which is a giant pit with bike jumps and it's 30 feet from our house. That would make it safer.

Some good eats.

I'm done with Thanksgiving... appitizers. I'm waiting for my Davenport scale model made of fettucini alfredo. This scale is 1/3 of Davenport's actual size, so I don't expect it soon. I ordered it to be delivered to my house but they said they didn't have a truck big enough. I said too bad, and they said ok fine. But it hasn't come after 3 days, so... I guess I'm glad I didn't pay in advance.
"May I interrupt?" you say because you like interrupting. "What happened to that fungus you were evading?" Well, they got it cleaned out. I went to Panago and got Five Alive. It is sooo good.
"May I interrupt again?" you say because you are as addicted to interrupting as I am to Five Alive. "What kind is it you like?" I like the citrus kind. None of the others. They all taste like engine grease and need to be thrown into a volcano A.S.A.P.
I still haven't got my alfredo.

Mff Ghf mf ph!

Mff! Ughf uff! Mgphis is so cool! The hotel that we are staying at is fancy. It's called Davenport. Everything is covered in gold or sumpin and I wish I had my chisel. I'm pre-stuffing at the indoor espresso. Betcha you're jealous now!

But it is not so cool. There seems to be an epideimic of Corpse Bride in here. Recently the There's Been A Grave Misunderstanding poster that thinks it's so smart has been popping up. I woke up and it was on my ceiling, walls, and blanket. I could see it growing on every solid object. I ran down stairs where it was also growing. "Jhonny Depp?" my dad says. "Oh now people are speaking it?" "Helena Bonham Carter," he replies.
I turn on the T.V. for any news of this. It's a continuous picture of the T.B.A.G.M. poster. Tim burton's henchman in the advertising division are busy.
I get in the car and drive. Eventually I come to some flat land that is flat. It is also flat. There are dust devils. I am unaware that a huge T.B.A.G.M. fungus is growing across the plains like that one scene in North by Northwest except there is no plane. There is fungus that makes the avian flu thing look like small potatoes. I turn around. A dust devil is sucking up a bluish-greenish-black color. Then the fungus comes over the horizon. I drive again. Augh! There's fungus coming at me!
A helicopter comes down. A guy opens the hatch. "Fungus is coming at us from all sides. Come with us," he says. I do so. As we are ascending I watch my car get engulfed by the fungus. We fly for a while as they dodge the dust devils. In about 2 hours we are over the ocean and at a floating platform with no land in sight. I can relax. But then the water turns darker. I steal the helicopter and fly to Easter Island. But then The Fungus grows on the island. I climb the highest tree I can find. The Fungus Grows up the tree! Nooooooooooooooo! I'll get you, Tim Burton!

baby sitting

TODAY I WENT TO PORTUBOLONIA! That was soooooooooooooooooooooooooo much fun. I almost never get to go there. Yipee!! You've probably never gone there. But you need to. Which is why I'm posting this wonderful step-by-step guide on how to enter portubolonia.
1. First, go to the swamp. Don't ask me which swamp. You know which swamp. The swamp.
2. So, you jump into the swamp. Don't ask me which swamp. you know which swamp. The swamp. Jump into it.
3. You'll get telaported to some wild and crazy land. No, it's not Portubolonia. JEEZ!!! That's the entrance to Portubolonia. Ask the ticket guide for a ticket. He'll say ok. Give him a frog, and he'll start singing and you'll get a ticket.
4. Take the ticket, and rip it up. The pieces will blow up, sending you to the moooooooooooon!!! Fluffy Puff Air-Puffed Sugar Delights! That's right the moon! Try all new Fluf..... oh sorry. I got off track. Anyway, it'll send you to the moon, where another ticket person will be standing there. Punch him in the face. He won't be happy, but a ticket will appear in your hand.
5. Blow on it.
6. Keep blowing.
7. Don't stop blowing.
8. Keep it coming.
9. Blow that straw house down!
10. Ticket is blown down, and it turnes into Portubolonia. You're saved! To get back, you gotta suck in Portubolonia. Since you blew it out. Duh. It'll turn back into a ticket. Then, you die. And you apparate back where you started, but now you only have three items left. I'm done. Bye.

Stuff! Stuff! Stuff!

Tommorow is Thanksgiving for Canada. We will enjoy our dinner which will hopefully consist of of turkey, gravy, mashed potatoes and pumpkin pie. I need to eat a lot to keep myself blubbery and warm over the canadian winter. I probably won't be posting tommorow.

Now what will america do? It could do the same thing as us, or go to mcdonalds and chug some milkshakes an hamburgers. Who knows. Canada will watch through its secret Universal Health Cariscope which is handed out by the United Nations when you get UHC.

Cars 'N' Pidgeons

When I got up I heard an airplane outside my window. An airplane made of about 30 pidgeons.
Man It was scary. I mean, if an airplane was about to crash into your house with you on the top floor, you'd be scared too.
The reason that all these pidgeons are here is because there is a house that is a pidgeon magnet across the street and we planted grass seed in our backyard. My room is very close to in-between those things. But as they say, when life throws a five alive lemon at you (remember that life is any living organism), You make a life-seeking missle and launch it back. Oh, and to enjoy it you need five alive.
What I mean is that next time they fly by I'll take out my hypno-ray and then they will be brain washed to get me five alive. Usually I'd brainwash something cooler like a bear or a shark, but you don't see those flying by my window.

In other news, I got a toy car. It gets 5 meters per gallon, weighs as much as a refridgerator, cost me 100 million dollars, and it's butt-ugly. Naw, really. It's one of those wind up things where you pull it back and let it go. It's really quite amazing. Wanna know why? #1, It's a corvette. Apparently, those are special. #2, It doesnt run on gas. Thats how we should travel. Just get out, push your car back and drive. Yeah. I can see the car ad now: A push back 10 feet, it goes 1000. Think. Feel. Push.
Unfortunately it couldn't steer so it would need to be on the highway where nobody steers anyway. You'd be the envy of everyone out there.

Pop quiz!

Ok little man, you think you're so smart with the government? So smart with Bush? Well, let's jsut see excactly how smart you are! Here's a little quiz to see how well you know your country!

1. What do you do if two planes fly into two of the tallest towers in the US?
A: Spend your time in a classroom reading "My Pet Goat."

2. How do you take your revenge on the people who flew into those ol' towers?
A: Go insane and start bombing all the buildings in the midde east, killing about 1000000000 innocent people.

3. What do you do if you find out that some person is ruling Iraq and he's mean?
A: Immediately assume that you have to do something about it and start bombing Iraq, killing about 1000000000 innocent people.

4. What do you do if you suddenly start a war with Iraq?
A: Start fighting, lose tons of soldiers, go to Europe and plead that some of those people help you.

5. What do you do if a massive hurricane destroys a state and some people get stranded on rooftops, starving to death?
A: Jus' tell 'em, "Well, they gotta be patient!" (Authors note: Bush really did say that, when Karl Rove wasn't around to help him. I think thats really unfair.)

Well, congratulations., if you got 100%. You now know how to rule the country like a REAL Bush! Woohoo!

Is this worth it?

Where I am there is a strike going on at school which means another 4-day weekend. The teachers are striking because of UNDERFUNDING. bah. That's like, striking because the teachers don't get to eat. Oh, wait. Those 2 are perfectly legitimate reasons for striking. There is also a buisness corruption at a Telus building, Where the union workers were not happy with their wage and so the manager locked them out. Now they sit outside the building during work hours wearing things that say LOCKED OUT on them. One of the union workers had wrote "insert scab here" on the pavement next to one of the doors. Teehee. That'll show 'em.
Naw, what they really need to do is take a rocket launcher to that place because it is definitely not rocket launcher proof. It's only covered in a bad shade of purple tile.
Back to school. We need to understand its importance. Currently, it's teaching me science, math, writing and art (for science we made salad dressing which is my second favorite liquid to Five Alive, and it was an emulsion apparently. We got to put it on salad, too!). It also lets us meet new freinds. But to get there I need to walk through an outdoor freezer. it's about that cold and the teachers get to drive. What are they complaining about? Oh, yeah, our radiator is'nt working. Oh, i'm too warm. Oh, this upholstery is too soft. Rub it in.
What do I think of this? I think that soon, maybe in a few years, everyone will be out of buisness, 'cept my dad who telecommutes for microsoft in America and you can guess how soon it's going out of buisness. Then everyone will come to my dad and he will hand his power to me, and I will say Get Me Five Alive! in a big, commanding voice.
In case this doesn't happen, which I'm guessing by my lack of Five alive, Here are chants that the teachers can use:

Get more funding for better schools!
Give us a raise you worthless fools!
Or,
Hey, hey! Ho, ho!
There's still more for children to know!
Or,
You suck!

"I'm confused" says you. "Aren't they going to use rocket launchers? No, because teachers don't use those. only delinquents do.

Ye olde horoscopes

You will have great luck today. Beware of a man with black shoes. I've decided that pie rules. C'mon! Is that really what people call horoscopes??? That crap doesn't belong in newspapers. But don't worry, for no need to panic. Now, I'm making horoscopes for all to enjoy!!!
ARIES (March 21-April 19): Whatever you do, don't go to work. A creepy guy with a mullet is gonna run at you, screaming, and eat you. You'll be stuck in is stomach, which is never any fun. Luckily, he'll spit you out later. If you don't go to work however, you'll win the Powerball lottery, and start dancing around in a room full of flaming money. Soon you'll get lotsa blisters. Woohoo!
TAURUS (April 20-May 20): You will have great luck today. Beware of a man with black shoes. I've decided that pie rules. Nah, I'm jus' kiddin. Pie does rule, though. Anyway, here's your real horoscope. You will join V.F.D, (Vladimir Frees Deadpeople), an organization that helps Vladimir find dead people and free them. You aren't Vladimir though. HA! Anyway, you'll find a dead person, and Vladmir will be happy. Then, you'll get bitten by a shrimp.
GEMINI (May 21-June 20): You will walk into your pitiful cubicle in the morning with a cup of coffee to your lips, and rip off your "dilbert" comic on your wall. For you will be in an angry mood, seeing as your wife started taking Steroids and now has a beard. She wanted you to take Heroin, but you politely refused. Good job! BUT THEN, she went all insane and severely injured you. Suddenly, the tooth fairy appeared and healed you, you slept, and then went to work and had a relatively good day.
CANCER (June 21-July 22): Ok, you probably like, rule, 'cause the pizza guy and me are both cancers and we both rule, so odds are you do too. So, since you rule, you probably own a country. I mean, who doesn't? Your country will flourish today, which rocks. Then you will win the Powerball lottery. Yippee!
LEO (July 23-August 22): You will turn into a fat guy with a mullet, start screaming, and eat an Aries. Then, you'll spit them back out 'cause they tasted awful. You lose. GAME OVER!
VIRGO (August 23-September 22): You will go to an awesome theme park, start dating the roller coaster, and end up marrying it some time in 2009. You'll have some cute little children, a marry-go-round and a bumper car ride, and live happily 'till retirement. SCORE!!!
LIBRA (September 23-October 22): You will drive your car down some busy interstate, as usual, when you'll crash into a member of the band "Greenday." To take revenge, he starts singing "Boulavard of Broken Dreams" to you. Ahh!!!! Your ears!!! It hurts so bad!!!
SCORPIO (October 23-November 21): Woah! Did you see what that guy did? He killed your wife!! That wasen't very nice of him!! Unfortunately, that will happen. BEWARE!! He'll come after you next, with some huge bomb thingy, and like, an army of a hundred mutant ninjas. Wow, thats pretty cool. Except not!!!! DIE LITTLE SCORPIO!! DIEEEENFKJDFGBSD VVX MB N VFN
SAGITTARIUS (November 22-December 21): Ouch. A hundred anvils crushed you. Ouch. You thank Marzipan for the flowers she sent you when you were in the hospital. Then, you die. You meet a scorpio in the afterlife place. He got killed by ninjas and bombs.
CAPRICORN (December 22-January 19): You go insane and decide you want to kill some sagittarius...es. You climb a tree, thinking about how clever you are. Then, you drop a hundred anvils on a sagittarius. Poor person. You get down, pass a smoker while you're walking, and die of second-hand-smoke.
AQUARIUS (January 20-Febuary 18): Wow, I'm already at aquarious? Well, I'm almost done. Hooray! So, today you'll lose the powerball, and will get mad at a cancer and an aries for winning. Ha ha ha!!!! Then, you'll find a furby, and he'll dance. Doo doo do! Doo doo do!
PISCES (Febuary 19-March 20): Little fishy!!! Oh you're such a cute little fishy!!! Oh aren't you just such a cute little fishy!!! Oh yes you are, oh yes you are! Ok, I'm done. Wow, you sure will smell bad today. Why don't you take a shower or something! Jeez man, you're seriously grossing me out! So, your boss will fire you, your wife will leave you, your kids will kill you, and you'll be left in some cold hard grave. Too bad for you.
Ok, horoscopes are (finally) done! See yall!